the muslim mind?

Question

i have 2 muslim girlfriends who went to school with me. both are to be married, to men whom their parents have arrenged. now these girls are very westernized and hate arranged marraiges. one even has a love affair with an aussie boy who is a secular christian and loves him so much that she has now left islam and going to his church. parents are angry and are trying to lock her up at home.
How come muslims are so cruel? why cant the parents just let this girl marry this boy and be a christian as she wishes?

Answer 1

just coz her parents r cruel doesnt mean muslims r!!!!! im a muslim and ive been dating a guy for 4 years and we'll get married in a couple of years or something! and my parents won't mind!!!!!

just coz there's one bad muslim doesnt mean muslims r bad.. it means ur the loser who cant meet one descent person

Answer 2

I am not Muslim, so this is strictly my oppinion.
I don't think Mulsims on a whole are anymore cruel than any group of religious people. There are Christians who will not allow their children to marry children outside of their religous sect (eg JW). If a JW marries a non-witness and the person doesn't convert.. then the marriage is not recognised by the church. There are other Christian groups that would have a problem with it as well, I'm sure.

Jews who have the same problem if their child wanted to marry a Christian or a Muslim.

I know some of my realtives would have a problem if I decided to marry a Muslim. My mom (she's episcopalian) definately would. Heck she'd have issues if I wated to become a witness or join a lodge.

The cure of the problem is an issue of religous purity and the belief that their religion is the true religion (Jew, Christian, Muslim, whatever). This belief leads to the fear that their child ill be lost not only to them but to God if they marry someone of a differnt faith.

Answer 3

Her parents rnt doing what their religion states but rather what their culture follows. Arranged marriages r not just in Islam, but neither r they forbidden. Mariages are marriages. Some cultures go for arranged while some do it in a love marriage sort of way.

The fact that one of the girls swtiched religions and now is in trouble with her parents, could happen to any girl with any relgions. i have a bunch of friends who converted from Christianity and their families refused to talk to them. Thats just is the way it is. Some families r very religoius and cant take change as an answer. Obvisouly since shes not a Muslim nemore, her affair is alrite, otherwise she was commiting a sin if she was still a Muslim.

Though the parents cant stop her from doing what she wants, u have to understand all parents want the best for their children. these parents just happen to be really religiousm and thats all.

Answer 4

I'm not sure that I can add to this. Like someone pointed out earlier, Muslims aren't the only ones who make arranged marriages. Even in the bible it says that the parents are the ones reponsible for their children's match, not the children. It's actually quite a crude reference, refering to women in a loose manner, but that's the nature of the beast, I suppose. I have seen it happen, and many lives ruined because of it. (I wish I could remember the passage, but if I google what I remember, I'll probably get a porn site.) It's about understanding human nature and keeping traditions going, and trusting in your parents' decisions. (Honor thy father and mother) It has to do with a cut to the heart, in a way, because that's what it is. What is sacrifice if it doesn't hurt? Ah, it's best to just stay away from it all and live like a hermit, but then, that's against the rules too, theoretically. Living such a marriage is like being a cultivar. There is nothing wrong with it, and love can grow in all kinds of places. Love, after all, is a decision we make. If that girl is going out with that guy because she loves him, what does she really know of love? If she is going out with him to defy her parents, then I would not recommend it. As for arranged marriages, some arrangements are better than others, just as some western marriages are better than others. I'm beginning to think that the perfect marriage is a rare thing.

EDIT: my grandmother's marriage was arranged by her cousin. Her two sisters, however, did not have an arranged marriage. Guess whose was happiest? My grandmother's. It is also interesting to note that my great grandfather, my grandmother's father, was a slave. But he was not black. No one's ever heard of a white slave before, have they? How can this be, you wonder? How close-minded are you? He was forced to take on their last name and their religion.

Answer 5

As its against Islam basically. If the marriage was forced as apposed to her saying OK to the arranged marriage then the parents have a lot to anwser for. Form what I understand, forcing an arranged marriage is illegal. What your friends family needs to realise is that although they're cultural traditions are important to them, they are not living in a muslim country and therefore have to adapt to what is acceptable to society in Australia.
I am not surprised that you friend has turned her back on Islam after having to do something which they do not consider to be right. Unfortunately though being muslim and brought up in western society can cause problems especially if you are allowed the freedom to express yourself within the society and also the muslim community the all of a sudden being told that your, from now on are going to be following the traditional way of life. The parents really need to realise though that although tradition may have suited them, it might not suit their children and to attempt to force the issue will only cause the disintergration of the respect and love that she has for her parents.
Honestly though, who cares if she is seeing a Christian guy, what right do we have to interfer with love?

Answer 6

I know several Muslims who've had very successful arranged marriages. I don't think this is done out of cruelty. And arranged marriages aren't just a Muslim entity. Several cultures commonly do this, including, I believe, Koreans. Some would argue that arranged marriages make more sense than marrying for romantic love (although I personally wouldn't want to have had an arranged marriage, but I am American).

Answer 7

To be fair I think christian parents would do the same if their daughter became a Muslim for a guy.

Kids are idealistic and headstrong. They think they know everything and any problem can be handled if there is "love". I would wager your friend has not discussed her situation with her parents in a rational, adult manner.

Let her grow up a little more, don't let her do anything stupid like elope with this guy. Take her future slowly and if they want to get married later, then they can.

Answer 8

it's forbid in Islam to change religion easily. Once you commit to be Muslim and said syahadat u must responsible with what you said. But actually you can do it, but you will get the punishment latter when this world is over (based on our Holy Quran). Its not about cruel or not, I'm sure her parents really feels disappointed. And actually, in Islam is democratic religion when you are not agree with married in arranged, you can even give opinion about that. Before is very common married in arrangement but now already democratic...

Answer 9

arranged marriage is not a muslim culture.

the parents cannot just let this girl marry this boy, because in islam, a muslim cannot be married to a non-muslim. the fundamentals of islamic marriage is to bear children, therefore increasing Allah's disiples besides spreading the words of islam.

all islamic teachings begans at home, from the parents. i think, the parents lock her up because they are ashamed of what that had happened.

in the law, if she is of age, sure she can do whatever she please, but as a fellow muslim, i wish her the best, and may Allah's light always be with her.

Answer 10

I notice no Islamic defenders here. Strange they should hide on this one.


Let us not forget that in America, some sects of Christianity are still arranging marriages for twelve year old girls. And that once, fathers sold them off to the highest bidder sometimes.

Two cows and some chickens for the Daughter on the left Sir?

Answer 11

Islam does allow a girl to get married according to her wishes but only with a muslim male and according to islamic law. No girl can get married with a non-muslim male and this is islamic law.
Their paretns have right to save their daughter from being a blasphemer and this is their duty.
Islam does not allow a muslim to have love affairs with other than husband or wife.