Why does my mother in law insist that we leave so she can take care of my child? Read On Please:?

Question

My husband and I just had a baby, and now they could care less if we come and see them just as long as the baby is coming (which I understand is going to happen). However, the entire time we are visiting she tries to get us to leave and go do something so she can watch the baby. Why is it a big deal that we are there? We let her hold the baby the entire time we are there (more like she takes the baby when we walk in). I don't trust her alone with my child (I don't think she will watch her or make sure she doesn't get into things that will hurt her). Why is having us there such a problem for her? Now they have even started inviting themselves over to our house to get their "baby fix" ... not to see us....and guess what....they want us to go somewhere while they watch her. How do I tell them nicely that I'm not leaving her with them?

My problem is not that she is offering to give us a break, it is that she makes us feel unwelcome. Also, I don't have a problem leaving my kid with someone, it is that she has left her other 3 year old child unsupervised in a swimming pool, and been an a car accident with the other baby. She is very careless. She puts her needs to play with my daugheter before the needs of my child. She tried to sit my 4 week old child up in a chair when she couldn't even hold her head up. If I had not been there to see it, she would have fallen out of the chair because his mother was going to leave her there. She couldn't even hold up her own head at that time.

Answer 1

I don't know you or your mother in law so it is difficult to say what is best here. I know my mother always liked to offer for me to go and have time without the baby because she knew I never got that unless she was around. Could this be the case? If not, and you honestly feel like there is a problem act on that. Your child is yours. You must do whatever you can to protect her. Talk to your mother in law and explain how you feel. Maybe she will be understanding - maybe she is not meaning to be the way you are perceiving her. If you are uncomfortable talk to your husband and have him talk to her because it is his mother. My babies are the most important parts of my life and I will always put them first - do what you must to protect her and your sanity. Good luck!

Answer 2

She is trying to do what every family does after a new baby comes... GIVE MOM A BREAK. And you deserve it. I don't know why you don't trust your mother in law... but i'm thinking hun you need to get over it. Sure every mom is nervous leaving baby with anyone else but you . But you're going to have to do it sooner or later. Your mother in law has obviously done this before and she's not going to let your little one get hurt. Besides how much can an infant who (if you did just have the baby) can't crawl or even wiggle it's little self into trouble. She isn't trying to get rid of you she's trying to let you and your husband have some good quality time and rest time a way from the baby. And as much as you think you don't need it... by the way you sounded in your question sweetie you do need it. As much joy a new baby brings it also causes alot of stress... and your mother in law knows this. She's trying to help ya girl count your self blessed and take your hubby out for a romantic dinner or a MOVIE.... cuz well now that baby is around you won't have many opportunities to go to the theatre unless your gonna see a disney flick.
GO have some YOU time you deserve it... and so does your hubby!

Answer 3

She loves her new grandchild, like she loved her son (who you now love). I'm sure she loves you too. She must have done a fine job with your husband (for obvious reasons). Is your husband offended by your outrage over his mother... Please consider his feelings (and the baby's). You should be thankful that she loves this child. There are many baby's out there with nobody to love them. She may want the child alone, only so you can also have some time alone together with each other. Giving you a little break from the baby.... I don't see this as a threat. Why in the world don't you trust her?? Did she do something horrible to deserve this type of treatment from you?

Answer 4

You are not going to like my answer because it's not what you want to hear.

Firstly, your mother-in-law raised your husband just fine on her own. Why is she suddenly not good enough to take care of your child? If she feels she cannot handle the child, she will let you know.

I can tell from your writing that not "trusting" her even in your own home is a sign that it isn't that you don't trust her, but that you aren't willing to give up control. Once you realize this is the issue you may be able to move forward. Otherwise, it might not happen until you've had number 2.

If you are afraid the child will get into things at their house, buy her some child proof cabinet locks and outlet covers, etc.

Grandparents LOVE their grandchildren like no other and being able to spend time with them while giving you guys a break, is like killing two birds with one stone to them.

Loosen up a little and learn to give up a little control here and there. If it makes you feel better, give her a list of things before you leave...i.e. meal time selections, nap time schedule, etc. etc.

Answer 5

I am a 38 year old grandmother of a 3 month old baby girl. When I found out, I was devastated. I thought I was too young and didn't want to be a grandma. Well the baby is here and it's an inexplicable feeling towards my gran daughter. I love her so very much. Not that I don't love my kids, but it's just different and you won't begin to know how wonderful it feels until YOU become a grandma. Take advantage, and spend some time with your husband. Men feel like we don't pay attention to them when our newborns are here. Get all the help you can get from your mother in law AND your mom. It's very exhausting.
Good Luck!

Answer 6

Thats kind of creepy. I was going to say at first that maybe they want to give you a bit of a break and help out, but after reading on, its strange that they want to like take the kid away from you. Come straight out and tell them that you arent comfortable leaving the child with anyone, not even family. Have your husband speak to his parents and ask them to call before they come over because your busy with things and with the baby. I know my mom can't wait for me to have children with my husband so she can babysit and such, but I can trust her with the baby and she would be there for us just as much as the child. Trust your instincts and dont leave the child with them.

Answer 7

When you become a grandparent, you'll understand. First, I offered to watch the baby (alone) because I remember what it was like to be a new parent. Alone time is very scarce. Second, I love being alone with my grandson(s) to spoil them rotten with attention (and presents) and third, I can't wait until they get older so I can tell them all the rotten things their mother did (when she's not around, of course.)

I think you're reading too much into it. On the whole, Grandparents are a good class of people.

Answer 8

it is natural for a mother not to want to leave her baby especially the baby being so young...and i understand your insecurities that your mother-in-law made the baby sit up in a chair when your baby can't even hold up his/her head....your mom-in-law may have thought it was cute or something, and her intentions may be just to give you a break....but i don't think you should leave your child feeling worried....

i think that you should tell your mom-in-law:

"I appreciate that you want to give me and my husband a break, but as a mother, i'm not at the stage where i feel comfortable leaving my baby as he/she is still young. I hope you understand."

or something along those lines....i hope this helps!

Answer 9

Even though I am not a grandparent yet I do understand when My mom wants to watch mt two year old she wants to be alone with the baby so she can make that connection however if you feel she would put your child in harms way you should just explain to her how uncomfortable you feel leaving your child with anyone even family.

Answer 10

Well, being a loving grandma I can understand. We just want to do it our way and it is more fun! I LOVE it when I am alone with my granddaughters.....I can have fun with them and let them have fun without Mom and Dad watching. We don't do anything wrong.....we are just breaking a few rules and have a secret! It is harmless (don't you remember having fun with your grandma?...I Do). Now, if you don't want to leave the baby for some other reason then that is a different story. I need my baby fix too but my grandbabies live in other states and live to see them. Let Grandma have her fun!!! Remember, she won't be around forever and your child will have wonderful memories.