2006-06-06 13:23:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ur mama's so poor when i went to your house and threw out a lighter, she jumped outta no where and sang "clap ur hands, stomp ur feet, grace the lord u gave us heat"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-06-06 13:25:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Blonde's Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"... bottles won't fit in a typewriter.
March - Got excited... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out.
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
June - Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast-stroke swimming competition... learned later, other swimmers cheated - they used their arms.
August - Got locked out of car in rainstorm... car swamped, because top was down.
September - Lost a TV quiz show. The capital of California is "C"... isn't it?
October - Hate M&M's... they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.
December - Couldn't call 911... "duh"... there's no "eleven" button on the phone.
2006-06-06 20:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by The Invisible Woman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there was a bolonde who was driving a car at 25MPH and a cop pulles here over. the cop says mam do u know u were going half the speed limit?
she replies no im going the right limit and points at the highway sign.
no mam thats the highway sign. your on highway 25 the speed limit is 50. im not going to give u a ticket but plz go the speed limit.
she agrees and is about to take off when the cop asks y r your friends shaking back there.
she replies we just got off highway 121!
2006-06-06 20:28:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a blond driving through the country. She has just died her hair brown because she is sick of being made fun of. She is really hungry. She stops at a farmers house and says "Hi! If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" Farmer says ok. She quickly counts them and says "91!" The farmer looks around puzzeledly and says "Ok. Take one." When the Blond is walking back to her car the farmer asks "If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back."
A blonde goes to the movies, her boyfriend asks if she wants any thing to eat, she says yes M&Ms. So he goes to get her some M&Ms. He comes back with the M&Ms and gives them to her, she opens up the bag and pulls out all the brown ones and gives it to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked why she gave him all the brown ones, and she said "Oh I'm allergic to chocolate."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
-the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
2006-06-06 21:00:08 · answer #4 · answered by Man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blonde in a boat.
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
2006-06-06 20:28:10 · answer #5 · answered by babyitsyou31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how to amuse a blonde:
put 'please turn over" on both sides of the paper
.how to confuse a blonde:
give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to put them in alphabetical order
how to drown a blonde:
put a stratch n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
there's 2 ladies at this bar watching the 6 o'clock news. one lady is a redhead and the other a blonde.
as they're watching, there's a guy about to fall off a cliff.
the redhead says "i bet you that guy is going to fall"
the blonde "ok"
the guy falls
the blonde "here's your money"
the redhead "i have to b honest with you, i saw this on the 5 o'clock news"
the blonde "well so did i but i never thought the guy will do it again"
answer: it was re-run
there's two blondes who jus got through shopping. as they walk out one notices she has left the key in her car. she panics to find something to use to open the car door. she uses a hanger from her clothes. as one is tryin to open the door, the other says "hurry up, its about to rain and the top is down on the car!!"
answer: the key is in the car seat and the top is down. they can jus reach over and grab it.
2006-06-06 20:59:05 · answer #6 · answered by questioner 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey mimi it is brooke! lol! YO mama jokes r soooo old they r older that the crust in yo mamas underpants!!!
Yo mama is just like a big mac... full, stuffed and worth a dollar!
2006-06-07 10:31:10 · answer #7 · answered by mayemerald29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was a blond, a brunette, and a red-head who were all pregnant.The three of them were in a waiting room at the doctors for an ultrasound."I am having a girl" said the red-head, "why is that?" the others said."Because i was on top.""Then i am having a girl because i was on the bottom"says the brunette.The blond starts crying uncontrollably."what's wrong?"the others ask. "I am going to have puppies!"
2006-06-06 20:32:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There were three blondes in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke...?
Answer: They threw one of the cigarettes overboard, which made the boat a cigarette LIGHTER.
2006-06-06 21:58:48 · answer #9 · answered by cdf-rom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the dumb blonds are really brunettes that are bleached blond wanna bees!!!
2006-06-06 21:32:23 · answer #10 · answered by ₦âħí»€G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋