I need help with something?

Question

I feel inadequate andl less important than my siblings. I am the oldest of three children there is me who is 20 and my 2 bro's who r 17 and 8. My mother works full time hours therefore i am left doing most of the house hold duties cooking cleaning etc which isn't the entire problem i don't feel appreciated because no matter what i do it is not good enough there is always something more. I do not have a job as i am a full time university student and basically running a house hold. (but before this i was in full time work and have been working in some sort of job since 15) My 17 year old brother never had a job and never been hounded to get one as i was. my mum says that i carry on and am a ***** and stuff but it is only cos i feel less important. It is even in little things like the shower order i have to go last almost all the time.
Moving out would be perfect but i am not in the position financially
I want to no if u think i am overreacting or if how i am feeling is valid

i have spoken to them all that doesn't work i scream and cry and carry on that doesn't work either. The feeling i get from my mum is that my study is not as important as what everyone else is doing (i forgot to mention that my brother has school twice a week)

i don't want to make my mum sound bad she has been great through my life it has only been probably the last couple of years where things have differed

Answer 1

i think is absolutely normal that you feel that way and you have every reason to. it also looks to me that you may need someone to talk to. so i'll give my msn so you can add me and talk when ever you need to
[e-mail]
luck! ;)

Answer 2

You're asking the wrong question. Yes, your anger and frustration are valid. So what?

The real question is: What do you want to change and how are you going to change it?

Do you want your brothers to help out more? Figure out a way to make it happen.

Do you want to be thanked for your efforts? This may be harder, as people often forget to say thank you (especially young people). Maybe if you get everybody helping out more, they'll begin to appreciate you.

You're also entitled to put in a little more study time and let some of the household stuff slide; when your brothers complain about not having clean underwear, just remind them that they also don't have exams coming up and they're both big enough to load the washing machine themselves. Then smile sweetly and go back to the books.

Answer 3

I think that the way you're feeling is justified. You've been loaded with a lot of responsibility that most young women your age don't have unless they're married with a family of their own. I'm so sorry that you have so much on your plate!
You need to talk to your mother about the division of responsibilities in the home. Both of your brothers are old enough to be pitching in more (even the 8 year old!). And if the 17 year old can't help around the house, he CAN get a job. It sounds like it's way past time for a family meeting in your house. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

How you are feeling is completely valid. I too am the oldest of three children (we are now older though, I am 30, my sister is 26, and I have a brother who is 14). Growing up I was the one to burden the responsibilities of helping raise my siblings as both my parents are alcoholics. Fortunately I was able to move out of the house when I was 19, by going to college and then eventually moving in with my boyfriend (now husband). You can love your family as much as anything in the world, but you also have to make sure you are happy too. It takes a strong person to do it, and it can take a long time. You may want to see a therapist, if that is a possibility. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Your concerns for yourself are very valid. Your situation sounds exactly like mine ( When I was younger). I've worked since I was 15. My younger siblings have also worked (on & off). But the youngest J has never really worked, and even today is in and out of jail. I've bent over backwards all my life for my family. And have only within the last year decided to stop all together. It started effecting my children. So having said that my advice is for you to get your degree and as soon as you can get a job and get out. And for God-sakes when you do don't help them too much and maybe not even at all anymore.

Answer 6

You are doing a GREAT job!!!!!

Your mother knows it, too. She's working her rear-end off and probably expects you to follow in her footsteps. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

What have YOU learned while working so hard for others and for yourself?? What have YOU learned about life and family and responsibility and keeping a household together?? Who is prepared mentally, physically, emotionally and skillfully to go out in the world and fend for themselves????????

The tragic part of your story is NOT that you feel so over-worked and under-appreciated.....that is VERY normal for women to feel and you'll overcome that with a certain pride in your durability and tenacity.

The sad thing is your BROTHERS!!! They will have a miserable life when they find themselves desperate for the skills and strength to create a life for themselves and any family they try to start. I'm afraid that they are off to a very sad start.

But that is not YOUR problem!!! You need to do a few things to help yourself get to the next levels of life..........mainly to become an independent and educated young woman with no ties and lingering responsibilities to those lazy men you've been taking care of. The 8 year old might have a chance if your Mom begins to put her "foot down" but that's unlikely, unfortunately.

Remember what you have learned when you choose your male friends and boy-friends. See how they were raised. Talk to their Moms and see how helpful they were as they grew up. Find a man who respects his Mom and Dad and works hard, stays out of debt and shares ALL of the household responsibilities with you. Your future children will need TWO parents that will raise them to be self-reliant and smart. They will be taught to be generous and helpful.


You cannot do much about your family life right now.....but you have MUCH more control of your family life later.

Answer 7

well your mom could be looking at you as almost an equal woman that is in the house before you were a little girl now you are a woman and two women in the same household dont always mix. if you cant get out of the situation then stick it out and work towards getting out maybe once you are gone your relationship with your mom might change...

Answer 8

Your feelings are prefectly vaild. Dont ever let anyone tell you that your feelings are not valid. You feel what you feel and in this situation you are quite justified in feeling that way. You are not less important than anyone else and you do do a good job managing to juggle school andrunning the household.

Answer 9

I know that you are going through a hard times. Going to school is a hard job, and what you are doing is harder because you don't feel appreciated. My best thing to say to you is get a weekend job and save your money. Don't let your mom bring you down because you might make a mistake like jumping into marriage to get out of what you are dealing with.
Hope this helps take Care

Answer 10

Well it sounds like a typical mother. Moms are always underappreciated. Do you go after your mom and tell her , "Thank you Mom! Now I understand what a hard job you have! Thank you for raising me! I love you! Tell me what I can do to help you mom!" after that start a chore sheet and just go on strike when it isn't your turn. Or better yet, go take your shower when it's supposed to be somebody else's turn to do a chore.

Answer 11

I feel for you, I know how you feel you want justice, Maybe because you re not working your mom think you should take this load, I would talk to her, if you still feel like this move out but find a decent job that pay fairly well so you can make it.