How do I deal with my mother? She is not happy about being a grandmother?

Question

My mother scowls when I have told her that I would like to have children with my wife. She says she is too young to be a grandmother at 51. She said I am too young and I will regret it, I am 26 and married for two years.

She cried when I told her my wife was pregnant because she feels I could have "found a better wife" for me and that she can't believe my wife is "officially" tied to me forever since we are having a baby.

I have decided I am going to cut her off, I cannot have her act this way to me and my family any longer. I cannot "talk" to her, she is 100% unreasonable and I am starting to think she is messed up in the head!

Has anyone dealt with family members like this?

Answer 1

Yes...and you are doing what is best....your mom needs to know that your wife, and child is your life now, and you are not willing to jeopardize them for anyone or anything...,make sure mom knows that you love her too, and would like very much for her to be a part of your family's life, then back off and let her make the first move. If you don't hear from her, sent her a birth announcement, and invite her to the house once you wife is feeling up to it....you can't make her come, but you can extend the invite. Leave the ball in her court....it's up to her what she does with it once she gets it....eventually she will come around....good luck.

Answer 2

I think it is wonderful that you are starting a family. My mom is only 42 and a grandmother. My husband and I were married 2 years when our little girl was born. I had just turned 21 when I had her.
I think it is awful that she feels like that. I mean, every mother wants the best for her children, but if you are happy, that is what should matter. If your mother doesn't come around during the pregnancy, maybe she will wise up and at least spend some time with her grandchild.
Maybe she feels this way because she was a mother at 25. Maybe she regretted having a child that young. And thinks that you will too.
Once you have a baby, everything changes, but I couldn't imagine going one day without our little girl, she is the reason we didn't sleep at night, we didn't go out to eat, or to the movies. But she is also the reason we look forward to getting up each morning, and the reason we smile so big.
Enjoy your wife's pregnancy and congrats!! Hope everything works out for you two!

Answer 3

She is 51. My mom is 42 and is a grandma. I'm 23 and my husband is 25 we have three kids and have been married almost 5 years. If you've been married for two years then your mom needs to face the facts that you and your wife are having a baby and she should get over it . Sometimes it gets better after the baby is born and she holds the baby she'll fall it love him or her. Sometimes it doesn't.My husband's mom didn't like it when we got married because she thought we were to young, but when we had are first baby. She was happy and has been with the other kids too.

Answer 4

I think that you should first talk to her before cutting her off.. Sit her down, just you and her, where you will have no interruptions, and let her know, that you have already chosen a family and the woman that you will be spending the rest of your life with and that there is nothing that she can say or do that will change that... Explain to her that her actions are only going to interfere in a negative way and she will probably end up losing out on her grandchild which is part of you, her son.... She could make things work for everyone and be happy and support you on your decisions or simply you will have to realize that she is not going to change and that she is not accepting your child nor your child's mother, therefore, she is not accepting you and for that you cannot accept her...

Answer 5

Well i was on the flip side of the situation when my fiance (notice your married we were engaged) told his mom we were going to have a baby before the wedding all hell broke loose.

One both of our families are "religious" so we were committing a sin. Mind you we were together for 6 years before i got prego.

She to was not happy that he was stuck with me forever and more so she was not "ready" to be a grandmother. This caused some tension with my fiance and i.

Our son was born 2/27/98 he was born a healthy happy baby to two parents who loved him but mostly loved each other. His mom came to the hospital to see the baby (as i understand she was dragged there against her will) all her crap for 9 months vanished the second she held her grandson.

Mom is bugging out now but if you and your wife love each other and make it thru the next 9 months of mom she will come around, have you ever seen women around babies she will be holding that baby and be PROUD to show all the nurses and visitors her grand baby.

Regardless of mom CONGRATS to you and the wife, i hope she has a smooth delivery and shower that baby with love. I am a big baby lover so please let me know some how when she gives birth what you have and how moms doing.

A friend always :) :) :) :) :)

Answer 6

Sounds to me like your mother either hasn't accepted your wife or she is still trying to hang onto her baby boy. If you have your life together, a good job, and truely love your wife, i say have your baby and tell your mother to just accept it and your wife or she will lose you as a son. You are married now and have to be commited to your wife and family. Show your mother you can be a good supporter and family man, prove her wrong. Tell her there's enough of you to share with all but she has to get along with your wife. My mother was a grandmother at 36, which is too young but, she got through it and has 13 now.

Answer 7

I would like to add, tell you're selfish mom to let you live you're life , if you are ready for children, I'm a 43 yr old woman who has an 18 yr old daughter who is 5 months pregnant, her mom was a young mother and was upset, but my-self and her are so excited, baby girl Julia rose, you're mom either excepts it when the time is right, if not you and you're wife enjoy the heck out of that baby, they grow to fast to miss their every move, as for mom except this grandchild, you will regret it, also except you're age ( denial about the age)

Answer 8

Both me and my fiaces parents are the same way. I havent told anyone I was pregnant yet, because I dont want to deal with it. My fiances family is not allowed in my house, vehicle, or anywhere near it. It is that bad. They complain about everything, my cooking, cleaning, the fact that I smoked. Its my crap for crying out loud. My family doesn't think hes good enough for me, but they do accept him and are nice. My mother compains about everything as well, but she pays for some of my stuff, so I cant go as far as I would like to with her. All i have to say is, Good Luck!!

Answer 9

you are an adult and tell your mother to just deal with it. I myself am 53 and a grandmother of 3 and just love the kids to death. It is life continuing on and she will regret it later in life. My was surprised when my daughter told me she was expecting but as time grew nearer i got more an more excited. And to hold those new ones is a feeling that will remain with her the rest of her life. If she won't accept it, don't worry she'll come around in due time

Answer 10

you just gave your self the answer...and i quote...
"I have decided I am going to cut her off, I cannot have her act this way to me and my family any longer. I cannot "talk" to her, she is 100% unreasonable and I am starting to think she is messed up in the head!"
if that is how she wants to act, don't let her cause riffs in you marriage,you are an adult this is YOUR life not hers, tell her when she thinks she can act like an adult then she can be let back into YOUR family