Is it rude or a conversation-starter to ask someone about when they will have children?

Question

This is an ongoing topic of debate around my office. I'm personally very tired of hearing "when are you two going to have kids? you've been together so long! Don't you like children?"

I do love children, my wife and I would like a family, but we're not ready. It has nothing to do with how long we've been married, nor with our maturity, nor with our health - we simply do not yet want children. Yet these are the questions we get asked, and mine is a very family-friendly work department, with myself being the only married man with no kids among 85 coworkers.

Am I overreacting? Am I right to feel offended? Should I simply chalk it up to cultural differences and leave?

Answer 1

You are not over reacting. It's absolutely none of their business. I was constantly asked this question - once I had been married a year.

I finally started telling people: "Well, if you want to know why I don't have children, we need to have a conversation about penises and vaginas. Do you want to talk about penises and vaginas?"

The person would then back off and say, "well, that's kinda personal."

Then I would answer, "yes, so is your question about why I don't have children."

Sometimes you just have to use the shock treatment to get them to leave you alone. Good luck!

Answer 2

Are you of a different background culture than your co-workers? I ask b/c you ask if you should chalk it up to cultural differences.

Also, are a lot of your co-workers women? Women tend to love children and think everyone should have them (crazy!!).

Or, if a lot of your co-workers tend to be having babies at the same time or are getting into things outside of work because of their kids (T-ball or soccer or whatever) they may just be noticing that you're not a part of the showers or games or whatever and wondering when you might start taking part.

I get the same question often, although usually prefaced with "Do you have any kids?" I'm a teacher so my response is, "I deal with them all day, I don't want to go home to them too!" I try to say it as friendly as possible, but I say it nonetheless. Either that or I'll say I like them fine as long as I can send them home when I'm tired of them. :-)

My father once told me, there is never a good time to have children. If you wait until the time is right you'll never have them. But I think that everyone should be allowed to make some choices about when they want to start trying - if ever.

If you're answering the same question all the time, I can definitely see how you'd be annoyed. But I doubt there is any offense intended, and I certainly wouldn't quit my job over it. But that's just me. Hope things work out!

Answer 3

Your completely right to feel offended. You are a married man who is simply trying to wait until you and your wife is ready. Next time they say something to you about it respond with "I don't think it's a good idea to have children because everyone else feels it's time"
They will probably leave you alone.

Answer 4

People in general just want to talk, but have a lack of anything intersting to talk about. Children are usually a safe topic, especially if you are all of child bearing age. I mean safe in the sense that everyone will have something to say. If you are tired of hearing it then find a nice way to tell them, they probably meant no offense and would not bother you if they knew it bugged you.

Answer 5

I agree with you. I think it's too personal of a question to ask to a co-worker. I always get told that I had better hurry up because I'm turing 34 next month, but I've only been married a year. People need to "mind thay biznass"!

Answer 6

I agree with you. I spent XXX number of years hearing "When are you going to get married?" and now that I am it's nothing but "When are you going to have kids?"

It's annoying as hell. I feel like starting to tell people some horror story like I lost it in a bike accident or something just to make them feel like asses in return.

Don't give in.

Answer 7

Well i think that you are over reacting a little bit and should just say something like we don't know or haven't really talked about it

good luck with your marriage

Answer 8

You are not overreacting. It is offensive. Its none of anybody's business except you and your wife's. Tell them to stop asking and mind their own business.