what would you do.......read for details?

Question

i'm 22 expected me and my husbands second child,i havn't really spoke with my real father in years but now my baby brother is living with him, this man beat on my mother was and still is an alcholic,and he used to call and threaten to kill us up until the time i was 14,when i got married my stepfather (the man i call dad,and my kids call poppy) walked me down the asile,when i was younger we never got along, and now he is very protective over me,but my "real" dad wants to see his grandaughter i don't think i can put myself my daughter or unborn son in a siutaion that could turn bad at anytime. waht would you do, tell him to bleep off or give in

Answer 1

Try talking to him first and get a feel for the situation and meet somewhere public after a while where there won't be any alcohol

Answer 2

I'm only 15 but i might end up in a very similar situation some day and i just wouldn't risk it. He was never there for you when you were younger and it seems like he never really loved you so why does he care now? better question why should you care about him if he never cared for you? i'd investigate a little more before makeing a final decission cause if he's still and alcholic then what really makes you think he's changed? he might still act the same way maybe not to everyone in public but to the ones he's done it to before. Simpily put he's done it once he's ganna do it again, but if he seriously quit drinking and maybe went to some AA meetings maybe he did change and can deserve a second chance. but i say investigate a little more you need more info.

Answer 3

He is your father and making a decision in a situation like this is very hard. If you think that you are ready to see him again, and introduce your daughter to him then go ahead. Remember you are alot older now, and he can't control you, you have the power to defend yourself and your family from any danger than he may put on you and your kids. If you do choose to see him, and the situation turns bad then you could call the police and file charges against him, put a restraining order and protect yourself from any danger he may pose on your life.

At the end of it all, I believe it boils down to how you feel about him and your past. If you don't want to do it, and you have a bad feeling then don't, it is probably for the best. If you believe that you can handle it, go for it. Just remember, you control your own life and make your own decisions...there is no way he could do that for you.

Good luck and I hope it works out!

Answer 4

Neither. If you really want to see him or let your children see him you can take steps to make sure you are safe.

My children were taken away from me because of a false accusation and a circumstance that was greatly blown out of proportion. I wish I could see my children again, but they don't want it. They believe I didn't want to take care of my financial responsibilities, however every time I tried to cooperate they said I had to sign a 14 page document that was completely blank. When I refused to sign they resorted to warn that failure to follow the judge's orders was a violation of the law. The problem is there were NO JUDGES ORDERS. I wasn't about to sign my life away. In the mean time they were told I didn't want them. They are hurt and I can't even tell them I love them or miss them or even am sorry for how things turned out.

Now, I don't know about your father, maybe he still is a danger. ABOVE ALL THINGS PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. Don't expose them to danger you can't manage. Have several big strong and willing friends there too. If father needs some helpful guidance they will be there to help. But as a father who misses his children, I'd opt to allow him a chance to change. Maybe he has.

Answer 5

I can see that things were pretty bad b/t you & your dad in the past, but no one is perfect- we all make mistakes. I think that you should at least give him the opportunity to try & redeem himself w/ the family. If it fails, then at least you will sleep better @ night knowing that you didn't brake the family ties. My dad was an alcoholic as well, but my mom never talked bad about him in front of me nor did she try to keep me away from him. She let me decide on my own, what our relationship would be. Unfortunately, we do not have a relationship b/c I witnessed alot of things @ a very early age & was able to decide that he wasn't a positive influence in my life. But, I can never go back to my Mom & say "I don't have a relationship w/ my dad b/c of you"! Which makes all the difference in the world.

Answer 6

My ex-husbands dad done this to us when we were married. I had just had our baby daughter when my husband at the time, told me that his dad, (the person he had not spoken to in years) found out that we had a baby and wanted to become a part of our lives for the babies sake. Needless to say, we only seen him two times and he has not seen what is now two grandchildren. I would say no way, one because you do not need the stress right now being pregnant, and two, your daughter will be very confused on why he was never around before, and it will be even worse on her and yourself if he does not add up to your standards. Good luck to you...

Answer 7

If he has not changed then never put your kids in that situation. Until you know for sure spend time talking to him on the phone and getting to know him again. Only when you are positive he is not the same as when you were growing up let your children see him, but not before.

Answer 8

it's your kid. tell him you're not comfortable with the situation just yet. there's a reason mothers are known to have good instincts. use them. i would talk to your step dad about this but stay strong in your decision. this man has never acted as a father to you and now he wants to be a grandfather? look at his track record. do what you think is best but remember it's partly your job to make sure your child is safe.

Answer 9

If you are not comfortable with your real dad, don't be part of his life. If he wants to see his grandchildren, send him pictures. If the situation can become bad at anytime, like you have said is a possibility, then you do not want to put young children through that...and you shouldn't have to go through it again.

Answer 10

That is your right to not want contact with him. You do not have to give in. Eventually maybe if he can prove he has changed then I would consider it. But for your family's saftey I would not be around him until, #1 you can forgive him for the past, #2 he proves he has changed, and #3 you feel safe having your children around him.