why do mother in laws always think they can do whatever they want with there grandkids.?

Answer 1

O GOD!! You must have my parents or in-laws!! They think it's ok to tell you how to parent, even though they made horrendous mistakes as parents themselves. They go straight over your head, when you say "no snacks" and they turn around and sneak snacks to your kids anyway. They don't have the right,...they just THINK they do!!!

Answer 2

You caught me on a day that I'm mad at my mother-in-law, so brace yourself!

In my case, I know the answer. She still refers to my husband and me as "kids" ~ because to her that's what we are. We're "the kids" and the grandkids are "the babies" (they're 10, 7, and 5). She genuinely believes that my husband is incapable of making parental decisions because he is a "kid" ~ and because I'm the same age I fall into that category too. So when "the babies" are there, whatever she's doing must be fine because she knows better than we do. That's really it in a nutshell, for us anyway. I'd better stop before I go too much further or this will be the longest answer EVER!!!

By the way, she really does refer to all of them as "the baby" ~ even though we conveniently gave them names to alleviate confusion.

Answer 3

I think it is because they have raised children so they think that they are supreme experts. It is so annoying. My mother in law is always saying stuff. My 11 week old got sick last week and she is like "What are you doing to my grandson!" I was so annoyed. When I was pregnant with my 6 year old, and after I had him, I took a parenting class and my teacher said some thing I will never forget. She said "When people try and tell you how to raise your child or tell you that you are doing some thing wrong and need to do it their way, you need to look at how their kids turned out and what kind of parents they are and then decide for yourself if you want to take their advice." I use that advice all the time. When my neighbor tries to tell me how to do some thing I just look at her son who is the spawn of satan and think to myself "ok, ya, I'll pass on that bit of advice"

Answer 4

They love their grandkids more than their kids!! Parents have to set the boundaries and some are scared to do that with their in-laws. They need to get over it.

Answer 5

That only happens if you allow them. Believe me, I know. My mother-in-law is terrified of me! My husband has a child from a previous marriage and grandma has her hair cut all the time. However grandma wants it cut with no consideration to what her mother thinks. She knows better with my kids. If she cut one hair on their head, she'd never see them again. Im that serious about it. She always takes it to the next level, so I just nipped it in the bud!

To "BonesofaTeacher"; You may have earned your right with your grandchildren, but don't speak for all. You don't know what other mother's have experienced with their mother-in-laws. My mother-in-law has no say in my children's life. She may see them, yes, but make choices for them without consulting me?? Hell no! She did not carry them for nine months, she did not birth them and she has not participated in raising them, so therefore, she has absolutely no say in how they are raised from this point forward.

Answer 6

If you've allowed her to think this way, then it's up to you to remedy the situation. Any person will only get away with whatever they feel that they're going to. It's never too late to stop her and set her right! I suggest you either talk to your husband, or if you feel comfortable, talk to your mother-in-law. Now! It will only get worse... not better!

Answer 7

I agree, but I set ground rules that can't be broken. Both my parents and his know if one of our basic rules are broken they will loose the privilege of seeing their grandads alone. Basic being, no sugar, no caffeine, no later than a 9pm bed time, car seats a must and of course no TV not MADE for children. Once we had I grounds covered we haven't had any problems, and as always if they have a question about anything call!!

Answer 8

I have the exact same problem. I think it's partly because my in-laws seem to think that my husband and I are still children who need raising ourselves (we're in our thirties and live across the country from them). But I think that it's also partly that they feel that familial connection with our children even though I don't have that exact same feeling for them. My in-laws are my husband's parents, not mine. It's not the same bond. Plus, we as mother's can be territorial with our children's affections as well. We don't appreciate watching our children's affections be bought and paid for with toys, candy or lenient discipline when we're working so hard to raise them right.

Answer 9

My theory is that it's because they don't think mom has enough guts to stand up to them and say 'no'. And in most cases they're right. Most people tend to have pretty strong views on whatever way they parent - and when grandparents have different strong views than parents do, it makes for a lot of tension. I would try and talk to her and if you cant, try toget your hubby to.

Answer 10

You know, she might be YOUR mother in law but she is still their actual grandmother, do you think your mother does what she wants with the kids too?

You should have the father speak to his mother about it.