stereotypes are ridiculous my mother in law thinks my daughter is a tomboy and it pisses me off details inside

Question

my mother in law thinks my little girl is a tomboy because she plays with cars and likes to play outside and sometimes she likes to get dirty, but my daughter also loves to play dressup and loves to wear dresses... and play with her baby dolls... and it really pisses me off that she just automatically stereotypes my little girl... my little girl is neither a tomboy nor a girly girl... and it pisses me off that she says my niece is a girly girl and my little girl is a tomboy... i dont believe in stereotypes, what do you think i can do to let my mother in law that her stereotyping is ridiculous, and how do i get her to stop her from nitpicking about my daughter because shes always trying to find ways to make my neice better then my daughter, I know that i should be ignoring her behavior but it really urks me!!! Any suggestions?

thanx for all the great answers, everyones been very helpful and fortunately seem to agree that what she is doing is wrong and that i should definitely speak my mind... thanx again :)

Answer 1

Its like many things in life - smiling and nodding. Unless mother in law sees daughter a lot. But either way,your daughter is just a normal kid. Likes to dress up and play mommy, but likes to get down and dirty and explore the great outdoors! What every parent hopes for their daughter! (or at least me, mine's 9 months)

I don't see why being a girl-girl is "better" than being a tomboy anyway. I get really sad when I see 4 year olds running around in mini-skirts and tank tops carrying their plastic pink cell phones around. Kids need to be KIDS at this age. Not ladies.

I would just tell your MIL to mind her own business....well okay i probably wouldn't have the balls to. I can feel your pain. She's just being silly. Grammas are like that. Just try and reassure your daughter if she gets bogged down by her that she's normal and wonderful and beautiful and she doesn't have to be pink and frilly to be a girl.

Answer 2

I totally know where you are coming from. When my 6 year old son was like 1 1/2 or 2 years old he wanted a doll. I bought him a doll at the store and he loved playing with it. Oh My God, you should have heard the crap that came out of everyones mouth. I was so pissed. Finally I just got rude when someone would say something. I would say stuff like "Ok, you dont want him to learn how to care for someone, what do you want me to do teach him how to slap around the doll?" or I would just yell "I am not going to turn him gay because I let him play with a doll, and if I do I dont give a flying f***!"
If you feel comfertable saying some thing then thats what I would do. I dont have a problem telling people to shut the hell up, but I know some people who do have a problem and just let people walk all over them. Just say something like "BreeAnna is not a tomboy, she is actually very intelligent and wont allow other peoples stereotypes determine how she can live her life. Children who step outside societies stereotypes grow up to become very successful adults with very prestigious careers because they do what they want to and wont let anyone hold them back." I have no idea if any of that is true, you would think it would be some what true, but when someone pisses me off I always respond with a remark like that. I'll even add in "studies have shown" and then it sounds even better. I dont lie all the time! Just when someone has some stupid opinion on how I am doing some thing wrong!

Answer 3

I know a little girl who is the same way. She has 2 big brothers so she likes boy things, but at the same time is still interested in baby dolls and things.
I hate when parents "push" girly girl things on their daughters and I would never suggest you do that just to keep your mother-in-law from calling her a tomboy. Just talk to your mother-in-law and tell her that you're really tired of her stereotyping your daughter. Tell her that there's nothing wrong with your daughter liking toys that are a little boy-ish and let her know that you don't believe in stereotyping and you don't want your daughter to be a victim of it.

Answer 4

My mother does that to my daughter and I told her "you raised me and I am a tomboy at 46 and I turned out to be a fun loving, great person". My mom hates the fact my 9 year old girl plays on a tackle football team with boys, and is trying to make her not play this year. I told my girl you do what makes you happy, don't do it to make others happy. Im proud to be a tomboy, and I love my lil tomboy, you go girl! I guess just tell your girl you love her no matter what anyone says or how they feel. She will be a good person in the long run from all the different things she will learn from being a tomboy. Hang in there it will pass one day with the mother-in-law.

Answer 5

Tell her you don't want your daughter to grow up feeling limited to being a tomboy because of a stereotype. Tell her you don't mind that your daughter enjoys all different kinds of things, but that you would appreciate it if she could refrain from calling her a tomboy.

If you tell a child that they are something, over and over... that is what they will become.

For example:
Most kids go through a stage where they act shy around people. Most kids also outgrow it. If they parent coddles them and says... "oh, teehee, he's shy, isn't that cuuuute!" It's not like the parent is saying anything negative, but it pigeon holes the child. They think, oh... well if that is what my mom/dad/grandma says I am, than that must be who I am. So they will never grow out of being shy. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

So tell her to knock it off, you don't mind your daughter having tomboy tendencies, and that she is actually a very well rounded.

Answer 6

I think you should voice your opinion in an adult manner. I know just how you feel... my in-laws are also getting on my nerves. I haven't cut my 20 month old son's hair since he was born and it comes down to the back of his neck. People always confuse him for a girl when we go out and they keep telling me that he's going to grow up to be a "fag". Also, he has a plush dog that he loves so much and takes with him everywhere... they say that his attachment to "that thing" is girl behavior, not suitable for a boy... Anyways, I voice my opinion about how it bothers me ant tell them that just because his hair is longer and he likes to play with his plushee has nothing to do with the type of person he'll grow up to be... Stereotypes are just a way that some people categorize others because they are not well educated (racially) or aren't aware of the fact that these days a man can do most things a woman can, and vice versa... with the exeption of reproduction stuff... I never gave into my in-laws' constant buggery... I would just listen to what they had to say and let them know how I felt about the behavior or situation and how it shouldn't affect my son or his upbringing... it pisses them off even more that I get to raise my son in a normal unbiased way... oh, well... good luck to you and your daughter... Maybe your mother in law is jealous that by allowing your daughter to try out new things and options, she'll have a better chance of getting what she wants and be successful in the future... an option your mother in law probably wasn't given as a child, thus, one she wasn't able to give her children as well... Kudos to you for not limiting your daughters ideas and future!!!

Answer 7

I think mother-in-laws give a lot of unwanted opinions! I absolutely love my mother-in-law and there are certain things I've had to just smile and think "in one ear, out the other". I would hope her comments aren't to hurt you, just her obnoxious observations that she can't seem to mention enough of! I'd let it go and maybe make a strong statement back like "she'll be a very independent woman one day" or say "she's the best of both worlds isn't she?". Even encourage your daughter in front of your mother-in-law to be a tomboy. Maybe if you mother-in-law realizes your very comfortable with your daughter not being so girly all the time she'll ease up.

Answer 8

That tomboy strereo type will always be there. take is from me. I'm 28 and my family still refers to me as one. But being a tomboy is not a bad thing. I am actually now proudof the fact I am. I have such a broad range of friends from bing outside getting dirty with the boys and being inside with some girls. There are plenty of other tomboys out there too. I wouldn't let it get you mad, it's not an insult but rather a compliment. she will always carry that part of her with her. Look at it this way, she id the type that alreay knows to dig right iin and get the job done no matter how dirty she gets. :) that will be great thinking later on in life. :) Just don't ever let her be ashamed of it. My mom still lets people know I am her tomboy.

Answer 9

This tale is so poor. that is relatively aggravating. Pedophiles deserve the dying penalty. it is so hassle-free as that. I remember analyzing that that is psychologically shown that pedophiles can not be cured. that is why it makes me ill that folk could be released for molesting a toddler or exposing themselves to a toddler. they do no longer need to be walking around. that would sound harsh, yet that is how i think. that is extra constructive they go through then ruining some undesirable harmless toddler's life. And that mom is disgusting. To think of that there are maximum of those that is surprising mom and dad and can't have infants. Then human beings like this have a toddler and that is what they do. life is thoroughly unfair sometimes.

Answer 10

good for you for sticking up for your daughter. If the woman has any concience, you can simply ask her "what do you think (your little girl) thinks when she sees an obvious difference in how you refer to her and her cousin?" Sounds like your child has a great life. If that doesnt get you anywhere, she shouldnt be spending too much time with your "tomboy" daughter --children aren't stupid!