my husband passed away after nearly 26 yrs of marriage?

Question

we have a son in the military...I've never been alone. My husband did everything...how do others cope and move on? wont' elaborate on illness as it was a long hard and hurtful year and I want those images out of my head.

Answer 1

First of all, let me tell you that I am sorry for your loss.

Secondly, it is important that you focus on what your husband would want you to do. Do you think he would want you to wallow in self-pity or guilt? Absolutely not!!

Not that I'm advocating jumping into the dating scene, but let your friends and family help you out. Allow them to take you out for dinners or hikes, invite you places, and be there as support.

Thirdly, congratulate yourself daily on having a son heroic enough to join the military.

Fourth, concentrate on getting through each day. One day at a time. It might behoove you to join a grief therapy group. That way you can share your sorrows with others who are in a similar situation.

Read the book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross on the stages of death. It applies to the dying as well as the living.

Again, my sympathies and I wish you luck on your journey!

Answer 2

God bless you with this time of transition.

Although I'm sure it all seems overwhelming right now, make a decision that you'll do whatever it takes to become "whole" again because you love yourself and know that's what your husband would want for you.

Get some personal money management self-help books and/or audio-books (Suze Orman is a pretty good person for this).

Find ways to fill up your time and your life so that you won't "feel" the emptiness/loneliness as much. No one and nothing can ever fill your husband's shoes but God. Take the time to get to know Him better by reading and studying your Holy Bible.

Also, find a church home, and/or television ministries that teach the Word of God so that you can really understand it.

Joyce Meyer (an awesome minister of the gospel) wrote a series of articles and put them on her website for free called "Help for the Hurting". One the the topics is "Overcoming Grief and Loneliness"

Answer 3

You have my deepest sympathy and my prayers. More than anything, allow yourself the time to heal. As you move on, you will still find moments where you will feel your grief is an unbearable burden. Please, allow yourself to feel that and don't try to push it down.
It all sounds so cliche, but explore some new options... if you're a church going person, there are often ministries you can join. Many of our parishes also have grief counseling in groups and I've known people to say it is very helpful. Say hello to a neighbor who's been friendly and go garage sale-ing. Take a class at local college. Most of all, remember to take little steps and begin each day anew with the will to rebuild your life without your husband. I would imagine that he would have wanted you to be happy and to be capable in your time alone.

Answer 4

I am very, very sorry to read about your husband's passing. I will indeed pray for you.

I pray that other family members and/or friends will be of support to you during this very difficult time. There are probably also bereavement support groups in your area, which you can probably find in the phone book or on the Internet.

If you'd like, feel free to email me privately at [e-mail].

I've never been through the loss of a husband because I've never been married, and I don't really know what I can do other than just "listen." But feel free to email me anytime just the same. God bless you.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss. What a great thing to hear you were married for almost 26 years! Only time can heal. I know people say it all the time, but it's true. Put those bad images out of your mind and look at pictures of the good times you shared. Remember all the great things you love about him. Talk to family and friends anytime you feel you need to, I'm sure they will listen and be there for you. It will be a hard time for you, but you will get better and better every day. Maybe you can look for a support group of people who have experienced the same thing as you. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I lost my husband 11 years ago to cancer after 36 years of marriage. So I do know what you are going through. I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but with Gods help, your wounds will heal. It's healthy to mourn the loss of someone you dearly loved, as mourning is the healing process itself. Someday you will only remember the good times you both shared together, and will smile. Those hard and hurtful images will fade in time, but the images that will remain will be good memories and his smile. Just put your trust and hurt in your Savior, because He will carry you through..........You have my condolences and God bless.

Answer 7

Church groups, if your husband was in Hospice, I would suggest the grief support, or there are plenty of others available. I truly am sorry for your loss, I know you feel so alone. There is no time limit on grieving, don't expect too much too soon, you had a wonderful husband for 26 years, you will eventually feel less pain in the grief, you will always miss them, but time does heal. I shall say a prayer for you and your family.

Answer 8

Remember all the good things you both shared over the years. The fond memories, the laughter, even the sad times. As long as he is in your heart and mind, he is still with you.

As you have seen, life continues whether or not a person is present. What will help is to have goals, hobbies and activities to help ease the pain and loss. And, to gather as many friends as possible, even if it is to remember your husbands' life

Ask someone you trust to teach you how to manage affairs your husband handled. And, never use excuses to try "Not" to accomplish new tasks.

A mistake many make: stop going to places they both shared, doing activities they both enjoyed. Continue with these "Shared" activities and places you both enjoyed. By stopping, you make the memory more painful instead of remembering the fond times. This way, those shared times will not become a burden of guilt and loss. They will instead, be the best places to remember fondly what you both enjoyed.

Answer 9

I know what you mean about images in your head. It takes a long time to stop thinking about everything. Thoughts are not helpful when dealing with grief. When I went through it I read Echardt Tolle's book "Stillness Speaks" and bought the audio book. I listened to it countless nights until one day the images stopped haunting me all the time. There will always be bad days when I remember what I lost - but life goes on and hope returns.

take care
nnbp

Answer 10

I think to each is given a measure of that vital spark of life no man can provide in order to move on. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. No matter how enthused a person may be about being in the military, at this point or any other, it's not MY first choice. That kind of accentuates that aloneness.

There's This Book you might want to look at. But YOU look at it. Don't let anybody talk down to you out of it. Okay?