My mom and I do not talk. To keep this short(ish) please know that it's for many reasons, and it's the best thing for my family. My mom is dangerous, a bad influence and has hurt me deeply in the past but will not admit or appologize for any of the harm she has caused me. In fact, when I used to still speak to her, she flaunted the times she hurt me, throwing them in my face.
My question is complicated. Have you faced death as a Christian? My mom is a Christian, so am I. She just found out she has lung cancer, both lungs, very progressed. She probably doesn't have long, has refused treatment. With me so far?
I want to write to her if it will help HER, not so much me. I want to tell her she is forgiven by me for the sins against me. I do NOT need her forgiveness. I no longer plan to ask her about the sins, she will lie or turn it to blame me. If you have ever gotten close to death, would this help? I worry that in her very final hours, she will want my forgiveness?
2006-06-06 08:41:36 · 16 answers · asked by WriterMom 6 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
I believe that deep down inside, you know what is right for you to do. I think you should forgive her even if she excepts it or not. God knows your heart and the blood is no longer on your hands if you do all that you know to do. I also think you should love and serve her in anyway possible to help her in her time of need. The Bible speaks on loving in spite of or having the agape or the God kind of love, especial towards your parents (even if they have not been so good to you). God will honor you obedience and your reward will be great in the end.
2006-06-06 08:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by ez2luvtyb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The simple written words "I love you" leaves no need for the words of forgiveness. I, too, have been abused mentally as an adult, both physically and mentally as a child. I tried so many times to make a relationship with my biological mother. She just kept on with the mental abuse. I, finally walked away and refused to look back, or think of her at all. If she were dying I honestly would feel nothing. So, I could not write the words, " I love you".
I am a mother, grandmother, wife, and friend. I am a Christian, and know that when I stand before God on judgement day he will say I did all I could to honor my mother. I sense that this is where you are. But, I feel that you still love your mother.
God bless
2006-06-06 16:55:52 · answer #2 · answered by Need an answer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should write her the letter and plan to be with her when the time of need comes to hold her hand and say I love you. In the letter tell her you have moved past all the bad times you had together, and you want her to know although you didn't always agree, that you love her.
From the sounds of it, she might be bipolar or something like that. They are famous for tossing back the bad things at you.
I'm a cancer survivor and watched many family members and friends die of cancer. At the end they are always afraid their bad times in life will tarnish going to heaven. We have to remember Jesus died for our sins, and if you want him in your life and heart, just ask. I think if that comes up, tell her that. But I really think you should be there for her even though you might not want to. It's a symbol of respect and it shows you really do care and forgive and are strong enough to face her and be there for her when shes in the final hour of need.
Just a PS, she may take offense to your letter, so word it just so. If she truly is bipolar, some of it she can't help, it's an imbalance in the brain, but it's she who chose not to treat it, that part she does control. But they are famous for denying they did anything that needs forgiving and would take offense.
2006-06-06 23:01:06 · answer #3 · answered by Tina of Lymphland.com 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
My mother actually went through a very similar situation with my grandfather several years ago. Like your relationship, theirs had also been one of past abuse, deep hurt, and the subsequent distance that stemmed from these actions.
When my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, he actually sought my mother out in order to ask for forgiveness. As you can imagine, she was stunned at this turn of events--and even more stunned at how difficult it was for her to embrace this chance to tell him that she had forgiven him.
While your mother has not made a plea for your forgiveness, I think that a letter of forgiveness--a true act of kindness--would certainly be a blessing, not only for her, but also for you.
As someone who lost her father suddenly several years ago, I would urge you to say anything that you need to say now while you still can. Once a family member passes--whether you are close to them or not--you find yourself questioning what else you could have said, what you should have said.
I think that it would be an eternal gift for you to reach out with forgiveness, and to do so without expectations of any apology or even recognition of past hurt.
All the best to you in whatever decision you make...
2006-06-06 15:54:14 · answer #4 · answered by kw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write the letter. Say it just as you did above. Even if it's just to make you feel better and at peace with her death. Once she is gone there won't be another chance to ask for the forgiveness. Whether or not you get it, you can rest easy knowing that you made that step. Speaking as a child of a lung cancer victim, please don;t delay. The disease is fast and furious and will take her before you know what hit you. Don't miss your chance!
2006-06-06 15:46:24 · answer #5 · answered by HappyMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have a great idea. I think the letter is wonderful. I've never been close to death, but most of us have imagined our end and I believe that your idea of a letter of forgiveness would definitely help her. All you can do is hope that she saves it to read over and over. You sound like a very strong person who really has it together. Your mother is lucky to have a daughter like you who is still thinking of her even after the history you mentioned. And when her time does come, you won't have any regrets. You did more than a lot of children would have done given the circumstances.
2006-06-06 15:51:53 · answer #6 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would tell her that above all and despite any sort of struggles you have had in the past that you love her. She may take it the wrong way if you word it in such a way that "you forgive her for the way she treated you" as she may feel attacked by that. I would tell her that strife between the two of you isn't what God has planned for relationships and that whenever she feels comfortable, that you are there for her to talk to. God knows that you have forgiven her and I believe that you are forgiven. I'd wait for her to ask you to forgive her. For now just love her as much as she will let you. Hope that helps:)
2006-06-06 15:51:40 · answer #7 · answered by Madelia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if your mom is a true christian,she will forgive you no matter what. I think you have to try talking to her once again because if you read the bible, nobody liked the christians and when they talked about god and they even tried to kill them but what did they do? the preached even when they were threated to be killed. I wish you the best good luck!
2006-06-06 15:49:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I faced death when I went through three brain surgeries; fortunately I am healthier than ever. I am a definitely Christian. If you want your mother to know that you forgive her tell her.
2006-06-06 15:50:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need her forgiveness more than you realize.
It is very important that you speak with her soon. Her attitude may not be the best as her condition worsens. I believe it is very hard for your mother to be in this situation and she may feel vulnerable.
God Bless You and your Mother!
2006-06-06 15:50:47 · answer #10 · answered by Jody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋