What do you say to your son when...?

Question

Things have been really bad for us for a very long time due to issues out of our control. It's been soooo long, everytime something happens and I've said to my son "don't worry, things will get better" and this last incident he said "mom, don't even tell me that things will get better because they won't because they never do" -- that I'm lying to him. I mean I know he was upset (he's almost 18 and actually pretty mature). How do you keep those around you "up" when you feel like you are falling down completely and things are so out of control? He's right - things just keep getting worse and the worse they do get, they affect other things that make them worse. Do you know what I mean? For instance, just a small issue acutally - had 2 cars (3 drivers) - one car died in a parking lot but didn't have $$ to fix it so it was towed and it's gone and racking up charges. I've just written it off at this point like a lot of stuff. Again, little issue. Go figure. 1 car 3 drivers-w/out of wrk

for a while and lost about 5 weeks pay in the past 4 months.

Oh and my son is working part time and has bought groceries, gas and helped as much as he could too. I JUST got back to work. You have to understand - there were health issues too. Getting up off my a** -- I've been working since I was 13 yrs old

OH and we lost our internet so I can't give it up - it's gone too. I'm on a different computer.

Answer 1

Wow, your luck and life sounds like mine. Every single time my husband and I think we see the light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel something else happens to pull us back down. Like his ex likes to throw a monkey wrench in whenever she sees us about to do well. Anyway, this is about you. Bless your heart, you are in a tough spot. Your son does trust you, he is just as upset over things as you are. I am sure he sees you trying and sees that alot of these things are out of your control. Explain to him that sometimes LIFE happens and things can get in the way of it being easy to progress and that you are trying your best to find a way to make things better for all of you. You say he is almost 18, right? Does he work yet? Maybe he could help out with some of these things. I know I, as a parent, don't want to think about my kids having to work to help me out, but when they are older and if I am in a bad spot I would like to think that they would not be totally against lending a helping hand. Lord knows us parents sure have to sacrifice for our kids while they are growing up. Maybe he could save up a little cash and buy a cheap car to get from point A to point B and that would help all of you guys out and give him a huge sense of independance. Try to explain to him that you are not lying to him when you tell him that things are gonna get better, but that everytime you tell him that you truly believe it yourself and that something always happens that is beyond your control. Tell him you are trying as hard as you can and that trying to do your best is all you can do. I am so sorry you are going through this. I can totally empathize with you. Just be there for him and let him see with his own two eyes how hard this is on you and that you're trying really hard. Maybe if our kids have to see how hard we struggle it will be incentive for them to strive that much harder to be successful in life. I just try to find any way at all to look at things optimistically. God bless you.

Answer 2

The only thing you can do is look at your situation every morning and think "what one thing can I do to make one aspect of this situation better?" and then make it your business to take that step. If he's 18, he's old enough to have a job, so if he doesn't, he can help the situation by getting one. If he does, maybe he could help out with some expenses.

You didn't ask this, but if I were in a situation where I didn't have money to fix my car, I think I'd be willing to give up my internet access in order to save money for car repairs. It's all about choices. Make sure you're making the right ones.

Answer 3

There is a saying in spanish that reads "It's never so dark as just right before dawn" I grew up with a lot of difficult situations and my mother used to tell me that all the time, now that I am an adult I see that those difficult times made me much stronger and much more determined to improve things, don't let your son feel sorry for himself, there are a lot of things that can be worse, like not having health or his parents, you like a parent are the rock where he can hold on to, things are bad right now but it will not be forever, make him see things in perspective and make sure you and him are doing something to solve the problem, because by just complaining and feeling self pitty it will never go away, show him how important is to not let things like this kill his spirit, I had to walk 3 miles to go to school, a lot of times under a 115 F sun or a bad storm, so 1 car for 3 is for me justa bump in the road. Don't feel sorry for him, he will understand later how the world works and he will be more prepared for future situations if you teach him how to deal with this one.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Maybe your son could get a part-time to job to help pay some of his expenses - like shampoo and cologne. It will also help him gain responsibility and understand that it's hard to keep up with everyone else.

In the meantime - is there something you can do to gain some extra income?

What about family counseling as well?

Answer 6

Children know when things aren't going as they should. Be honest with him. Life is rough sometimes and sometimes things don't get better. Sometimes looking for just one small thing in your life that maybe isn't so bad helps you get through the bad stuff.

Answer 7

I have had some really rough times myself. It always gets worse before it gets better. Prayer really does work. It kept food in my kids tummies for a long time when I couldn't provide it myself.
Its getting us thru the loss of our child. God can do miraculous things. Try it.

Answer 8

Stop lying to him and Figure out what it is you have to do to make things turn around for the best. Tell him, what can we do to make this better? Stop saying things will get better and waiting for a miracle to happen. You gotta move, do things yourself.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

Things WILL get better. God never gives us anymore than we can handle. If you pray (with and w/o your son), it'll keep the spirits in the household up despite all the bad things that have went wrong/will go wrong in your lives. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed...I'll keep you and your family in my prayers as well.

Answer 10

be honest with him -- if he is as mature as you say -- then he will understand that in order for things to get better, everyone needs to pitch in.

Above all... the most you can do is PRAY... it ALWAYS seems to work for me... when you put it in the Lord's hands, he'll pull you through it :)