Mom & Dad's Rules vs. Nana's?

Question

My kids spent the weekend at my in-laws' house. YAY!! Wait, that's not the question. :-)

When my husband picked them up on Sunday they were eating dinner. One of our sons didn't have much of an appetite and asked to be excused before he finished. My husband told him to take two more bites, then he could go. Our meal-time rule is to try everything on the plate, but you don't have to "clean" the plate (studies show forcing kids to eat can lead to eating disorders and obesity). My mother-in-law launched into a lecture about wasting food and how hard Grandpa works, blah blah blah. She told my husband the kids would have to "learn the rules at Nana's house" ~ basically saying (in front of our son) there's something wrong with our rules. Now, I don't mind if they bend rules regarding TV time and bedtime at Nana's, and they are actually a little more strict than we are on some things, but this is different to me. Any thoughts?

Something to note: she puts pretty big protions on their plates. At home, we start with small helpings and let them get more if they want it to avoid food being wasted.

And someone asked how often the kids visit. My in-laws only live 45 minutes away, so our kids spend the weekend there about once a month.

Answer 1

Your rules supercede theirs. Its your kids. Like you said, some things you'll let them fudge on. But tell her what rules must be followed and why. Grandparents like to do whatever they want, but its not in the child's best interests. And you're right, forcing a kid to eat all of something they hate doesn't do any good. They had their turn to parent. Its your turn now. Tell them you respect them and their house, but some of your rules are too important in the way you both want to raise your children. Then tell them what is ok and not ok to change. They might not be thrilled, but if you don't speak up now, it'll only get worse instead of better.

Answer 2

I have mixed feelings on this. I think that the kids should obey grandma's rules while they are there. Shows respect for your in- laws. But the different rules in each household could be confusing to your children.This day and age I am getting ticked off at wasted food. The price of food and gas makes me not want to see it go to waste. I am getting on my son's case lately on that subject. Maybe you should have heart to heart with your inlaws. Also do they go to their grandparents house often. If not I don;'t see cleaning the plate once and while will lead to obesity. So was your hubby raised that way? to clean the plate? Their is nothing wrong with your rules. To each to their own. As long as your children are healthy than don't worry about the eating habits at the dinner table. I just say respect grandma's rules.

Answer 3

I agree with all of the responses to a degree. Basically I've found that you have to pick your battles.

Your rules as the parents are the first and foremost; however, at grandma's or anywhere else, they should be expected to follow the rules of that household. I've told my kids the same thing about visiting friends' houses.

You have to decide how important this one particular item is to you and the way you raise your children. With my kids' grandparents, I let a long of things go. They have household rules my kids follow when they are there. If it's something I feel very strongly about, then I speak up. For example, if it's something I feel puts my child in danger (grandma sent me to the roof to clean out gutters!) or things of that nature, then I speak up.

Pick your battles so everything doesn't become a big ordeal. The things that are very important to you as parents...by all means, speak up!

Answer 4

It's been like that for me and my parents. They are so much more stricter than I am, I am the way I am with my children because I believe my parents strictness lead me down the path of being so freakin wild in my younger days :P It basiclly leads down to this. If the children are in their home then they should follow thoes house rules. Think about it. If one of you childrens friends, or a niece of yours, or somthing like that came over to stay a few days, you would expect them to follow your homes rules right? Also you not doing it because the other parents are wrong. It's just the way it is because thoes are your house rules.

Answer 5

I have to agree with you all the way; these are your kids and you are only trying to protect them against obesity. Stand firm, try to explain why you have these rules, and if worse comes to worse, try to avoid visits at mealtimes. We go thru this every time my in laws visit, we do not let our 3 yr. old son have soda or cakes and cookies at meals and his grandparents are always offering these things to him. Both my husband and I were very obese children and we are trying to avoid setting bad habits with him. It is a never ending battle, but don't give up.

Answer 6

I have made it clear to my parents that my son has to have the same rules at Grandma's house that he has at home. He has the same rules at daycare as well. The rules haev to be consistant.