They want me to bring the children to visit and I don't think this is a good because it will traumatize the kids. I mean, if they are in there for years; I would consider it...but just a few months...give me a break. The kids are 4 years old & 16 months. I think thye are still young and will understand better if I just tell them they are staying with me for summer fun. Is this wrong on my behalf? Am I being selfish? Thanks for all the answers and please....no need to be rude. THANKS!
2006-06-06 06:01:04 · 16 answers · asked by Dreamlander 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
By traumatizing them; I don't mean the enviroment of the jail. I mean taking them for 30 minutes and then having to take the kids home crying as why they cannot stay with their parents. Seems cruel and antagonizing on both the children and the parents part. I have two children myself and would not want them to see me there...period.
I write them every week and send them pictures of the kids on the letter. I am in no way trying to keep the kids from their parents...I just want whats best for both parties.
It's also very difficult for me to find a sitter for my children and then take my neice and nephew only to the jail. It's very difficult.
Thanks for all the answers.
2006-06-06 06:41:00 · update #1
While I can understand both sides of this issue, it would be my suggestion that, since the children are not yet old enough to decide for themselves if they would want to visit, that judgment call must be left up to you. Jail traumatizes adults, so there is no doubt that the possibility exists that there could be negative effects for children, but the visit, the sight of those children, also helps the parents to endure their ordeal.Whatever you decide, do what is in the best interest of the children.
2006-06-06 06:13:04 · answer #1 · answered by jjessiem35 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think the oldest one is old enough to know that their parents did something bad and just like they get punished for doing things wrong so is their parents. I would explain that they have to stay in jail for a period of time but that they will be back (if they will) and right now they get to spend the summer having fun with you. Then explain that you all will be going to see them (they need to see their parents if they didn't do something bad that would endanger the kids) but that you can leave whenever they feel ready. Be sure to explain everything they might see. I am not sure if the youngest should go. You could talk to the jail people about that and/or human resources. They might even would be willing to talk to the kids about what will happen since you may not know much about the procedure and they do. Good luck!
2006-06-06 13:10:26 · answer #2 · answered by brm1981 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you. They don't need to be in that enviornment. Maybe you could go visit and bring pictures for them and just explain that you think it would be better not to tell the kids that they're in jail. It could scare the 4 year old or even make him think it's ok to break the law since his parents did. Good luck with whatever you choose to do but you are by no means being selfish. If anything, I commend you for taking care of the children.
2006-06-06 13:11:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister used to bring her two-year-old to visit his stepdad in jail, and the baby was fine with it and doesn't even remember it now. But I've heard that with preschoolers and young school-aged children they often feel very scared and out-of-control when they see their parents locked up, especially because in many jails you have to speak to the inmate through a glass window, and in other jails and prisons any physical contact is prohibited, even between parents and children. If the jail has a special visiting room for parents and children, then maybe; but otherwise, I owuld say send tons of pictures and letters, make as many phone calls as you can, and I have heard of some people who made one of those paper chains where the child pulls off one link each day in order to have a tangible idea of when his parents will be back. Good luck with taking care of the kids!!!
2006-06-06 16:22:44 · answer #4 · answered by angelsister23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the kids will be reunited with their parents at some point, the truth will be revealed. I believe that lying is never a good policy, especially when you know the truth will come out.
My cousin was removed from her family for "failure to thrive" when she was six months old. She was placed with my family for a time and then returned to her family after some time. Does she remember this? Probably not. But does hiding the truth from her help? No, because she would eventually find out.
If the parents are going to be reunited with their kids, they should be able to see them. This way the kids have understanding and memories of their parents. Do I think their parents are saints and that you are punishing them? No. I think you're struggling with a tough decision. But, ultimately, the only way for a good relationship to form among the kids and their parents is through interaction.
2006-06-06 13:14:11 · answer #5 · answered by fskfitzgerald 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if it is for few months that they are going to be there, then don't take the kids. BUt do give them the love & support they need, that means that you are not going to replaced their parents but you will provide the care & love they need right know. Since it is a change in their lives. Just keep in touch w/ your brother & your sister-in -law, & make sure that what ever thet did won;t affect the kids in the future & hopefully they learn their lesson & look up for their kids now when they are just kids & not later when they can grow up with out their parents. That's a good think what you are doing keep it up !! & GOOD LUCK too !!:)
2006-06-06 14:58:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you may be caring for the kids while their parents are "away"...but the bottom line is ...They aren't your kids.
It's not your call.
Both kids...the younger one for sure, are too young to even remember it or comprehend it for what it is.
Not only that, but eventually ...the kids are going to go back to their parents...so...visiting them in jail...is probably the least of the trauma the will experience in their little lives.
Unless you want to start a family fued, and probably never see the kids again, follow your brothers wishes and bring him his kids...If my sister was keeping me from my kids...there'd be hell to pay.
I don't know if you've ever visited anyone in jail before...but it's not that big a deal. We're not talking Shawshank here people...it's a clean little room with a glass window and a phone...not scary at all.
2006-06-06 13:24:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a court order as to guardianship or temporary custody? Or did Child Protective Service approve you taking care of the children? There needs to be some kind of legal order pertaining to this issue. Without a legal order you have no say in their life. If the courts or CPS were involved you would have your answer because they would have looked at the whole picture and made a legal decision in the best interest of the children.
2006-06-06 17:14:08 · answer #8 · answered by Stewiesgal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 16 month old is too young to remember. But the 4 yr old will certainly remember and it could have a bad effect. I think kids need to see thier parents but in a situation where the parents are in jail ... well then its another story. I think they are better off not going to the jail to see them. Better to be safer than sorry.
2006-06-06 13:07:50 · answer #9 · answered by butterfliesformom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say they need to see the parents. Its not a harmful environment. They arent going behind bars for gods sake. Its a visitation room. Let the family see each other. It would be the right thing to do.
2006-06-06 13:21:49 · answer #10 · answered by crystal lee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋