Disturbed family?

Question

Is there any hope if you have moral conflicts with in laws. I feel like totally banning one of my in-laws from my house. She was pregnant and goes in to detail about how she did so many drugs that she miscarried at home. She is not ashamed of what she did at all. The story makes my skin crawl. She also goes in to graphic detail about her sex life and that of her friends. She went to re-hab and did get in trouble with the law for doing drugs while pregnant. She tells these disgusting stories in front of guests that I am entertaining at my house!! The miscarriage story made one of my guests get up and leave! I am mortified! What can I do to keep her lifestyle out of my house and away from my kids! Any advice helpful. The whole family is pretty much disfunctional and I am just trying to keep my household normal and with good morals!!

Answer 1

Simply do not invite her to any other gatherings that involve other guests outside of her own family who already knows what she is like.... there is no reason you can't have two dinners one for your family and friends and one for inlaws... a little more work but alot less stress about how she makes everyone uncomfortable.. Next best thing, invite her over alone for coffee and explain to her that her going into detail about her sordid life is not what you want in your home....and leave the rest to her then. You can't change her, but if you let her know how you feel at least that much will be in the open.....

Answer 2

That sounds just awful.

Unfortunately, you need to accord your elders, which includes your mother in law with respect. But there are ways to deal with her too. There must be ways that you can spend time with her, but only when you want to or absolutely have to. And that time must be separate from time you have with guests.

Since she's your husband's mother, perhaps his input might help. I hope he's not the type to side with his mum or be afraid to stand up to her. He needs to think about what's best for you and your children.

Does she even realize what she's doing or is she that clueless that sex and drugs etc are not appropriate dinner topics? Or is she starved for attention?

Set boundaries, quick. Do some thinking about what you will and what you will not tolerate and enforce them. Let others know of your game plan. I had inlaws once that fought all the time and would drag their children into it and made everyone miserable at least once a month. I would not tolerate it and told them...you fight, your choice, but leave us out of it...call us when you're done fighting. You can do the same...tell her she's welcome but only when she thinks she can behave well. Let her know this is non-negotiable.

Answer 3

You need to sit her down and tell her that in your house she is follow your rules.

Tell her you do not appreciate her telling her life stories pertaining to her sex or drug life because it is not appropriate to be discussing such issues in front of your guest and that if she wishes to talk about it you and her can have a private time to talk together.

If she can abide by your rules than she will not be welcome when you are entertaining other guest.

And make sure you have your husband at your side when you sit her down so she knows that your husband has your support on this.

Oh and if you have kids make sure you let her know as well talk like that will not be tolerated in front of your children as well.

Answer 4

I know not the rest of the world but as for my House we serve the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY.

Not trying to preach but this gives some insight as to what God intended for us to use in our homes. It is YOUR HOUSE. Please tell me that your Husband shares you moral ideas.

The bible teaches us to be forgiving but it says nothing of letting people running over you. That is what your in law drug taking, life taking, doesn't care about her own life sister in law is doing. Running over you in your own house. Your Husband is the head of the house and guess what, you are next in line to that and you have just as much say so as he does. Your guest left your house because you do not control what goes on inside it. I don't blame them for leaving. ( i know I'm preaching) ( No I'm not a minister, just long winded)

First, try to talk to your sister in law into getting some professional help. Look up information ahead of time to give her when she says there's no where to go. ie; local mental hospitals, possible low income help with doctor bills and such. Anything you can find. Let her know that you care by doing this. Tell her how she is loved, ( try not to give up on her just yet is what I mean) Don't get to deep into this cause it will consume you if you are not carefull. Some people will never change no matter what and some just need a shove.

Then, Let her know that what she does in your house is not acceptable behavior and will not be tolerated. You love her and want her to be around but the way she behaves hurts you and you husband and your children and you will not let them be hurt in any way even if that means she does not come around. Remember it is YOUR HOUSE. Get a hold on this asap. You will be glad you did. Feel free to e-mail me and I will give you my e-mail address if you want it.

Answer 5

And these are your in-laws......? I would expect something like this from a sister in law or something....not in laws! But yeah my mom has problems with my stepfather's side of the family. Don't even get me started on them. *rolls eyes* They're pretty bad too. You really need to tell her to respect you and your wishes to not be so open about her messed up life in front of you and guests and family. And tell her if she can't respect that, then she has no business coming to visit you. There's really no nice way of putting it.

Answer 6

You keep her away !!! That is YOUR house, YOUR children and HER problem. Allowing dis- functional people into YOUR life and family will only cause MORE chaos within. Don't CARE so much of how it makes her feel. She is the one that did wrong. Do NOT allow yourself to feel guilty!!! That's what she wants. Do not let her WIN and walk all over you in your house. Tell her like it is and stay strong !!!

Answer 7

Don't allow her to come to your house! If she still trys to come over, tell her you are having a private party. I believe my family would make a very entertaining Jerry Springer episode, which is why I live many, many hours away from them and then it's my choice whether I want to be around them or not. Good Luck.

Answer 8

pray for her 1st of all.
keep that family in prayer, come against any generation curse.
remember, there's no perfect family in this world. there's a lot of familys that have & are disfunctional because my family was 1 of them. but with god in my life, allowing god to restore me, help me, love me......i'm the one who broke that curse thru god & with god so it's not happening w/my family now.
pray then speak to your in-law. share that people get very upset & feel uncomfortable about her past situations & let them know that there's a place & time for this to be talked about.
you need to be honest with them, let them know that this is your house & you'd appreciate it if stories & things like that wouldn't come up or they won't be allowed over.
now sex stories in front of everyone even kids, would be an absolute no-no in my house too. there's a line to be drawn on that subject.
let them know that they need to respect your home, this is your home.....if they can't accept this, then let them know how you feel too.
pray first though........good luck

Answer 9

It's a cry for help. No one wants to live like that. I wouldn't want that influence around my children, but when it comes to family and in-laws you take the good with the bad (it is covered under the for better or worse clause). I would address inappropriate conversation.

Answer 10

i certainly do no longer think of it is rude in step with se. With many stuff, it is all suitable to the mindset. i do no longer techniques a random unannounced bypass to from somebody who has a plate of cookies and their merely purpose replaced into they have been thinking of me that day and that i presumed i'd relish something candy. in many situations that style of man or woman is coming for me, and not for them. they generally comprehend which you won't have time to have them stay and bypass to, they do no longer care if your house is a multitude, they do no longer come at bizarre situations, and that they nevertheless knock on the door. it is while they experience it is their stunning to return over, that sure it is going to become rude.