what do you do when u know you are not ready to have a child but you feel you need to in order to feel loved??

Answer 1

It's good that you can recognize that you are not ready. The fact of your reason for wanting one is a good sign that you are not, and thank G-d you are mature enough to see that. One should have a child when they have the love to give it (and the means to raise it) not when they need something they want the child to give. The people who mentioned getting a pet had a good idea, but that is also a major commitment, unless you get something short-lived, like a rat.
You need to develop your own sense of worth, so that even if the people around you now don't love you, you will not need the love of people who can't see your worth because, first you will have the self-esteem to be able to begin loving yourself and second, your new confidence and lack of neediness will draw people who can see your worth. That is where you will find love.
So, what to do? I don't know anything about what kind of life you live now, but some ideas to help you become more well-rounded and loving:
Volunteer work. Try animal shelters or something with children, perhaps become a big sister, or try a hospital or children's organization. Or maybe something with the elderly.
Continue your education, formally or informally - expand your mind. Explore the wide world of music in depth and breadth. Learn all the trees in your area. Or birds. Learn the history of your state in detail. Take classes - maybe there you'll meet the person you are hoping for.
Do something constructive: Learn a new skill (fix cars, surf, paint the house, grow a garden, art.
Learn to love others, the people who already exist. Then you will be a more loving person and when the right time for you to have a child arrives, you will be all the more ready for it.

Another thing to consider is that the longing for a child is a very sweet feeling and there is nothing like sharing that feeling with your husband while waiting for your first child which you are both ready to love. You should savor that longing and that will intensify the joy you will feel when the RIGHT time comes. Have a baby before then and you throw away the chance for that very special experience that only comes once in life.

Answer 2

I just read your other questions, and it looks like you asked this question too late. Since you are already pregnant, and you are only a kid, you should probably consider adoption, and then a good, effective contraceptive going forward.

As for your question, it is totally unfair to bring a helpless, completely dependent child into the world so that it can fill a need that you have.

If you and your partner are having problems such that you do not feel loved, you and your partner need to work those problems out. Figure out why it is that you don't feel love from him, and talk to him about that. If he can't fix it, what makes you think he'd be a decent father?

A few people have suggested getting a pet. If you don't feel ready for a child, and if you have problems with your relationship, a pet is probably not a good idea either. Fix the life you have first, before you bring anyone - human or animal - into it. Otherwise you're just forcing a companion to share your unhappiness.

Answer 3

There is so much trouble in this world. Bringing a baby in to it for the wrong reasons or with unrealistic expectations will only result in more trouble and heartbreak. Children are need machines and there are about the most unthankfull critters that you can have around. When you have children you give love. Expecting to get it from a child places an unfair burden on the child. You need to find adult love. Build a relationship with someone, anyone and when that relationship is firmly established, get maried and then have kids. Be carefull too. Love and lust are not the same thing no matter what a man will say in the moment. Hold out for the real thing and avoid accidential children. There are no good solutions when that happens, only tragic ones.

Answer 4

I thought about this one time myself and I took a good look around a thought quiet a bit and I realized, that I am loved. The people that mean the most to me, that I love, they also love me. You are not alone and you do not need a child to feel that you are loved. When you are ready to have a child you will, and yes, you will feel very loved, but only when you are ready. If you aren't ready you could make alot of mistakes, where is the love in that?

Answer 5

You need to stop and take sometime out for you. Ther's no way your ready to have a child to feel loved. You'll be so busy you might find out the hard way what the meaning of love really is. Search yourself and trust that whenever the time is right it'll happen for you all around. There will always be that feeling of I want to hear someone say I love you and there's nothing wrong with that. Just ask yourself am I ready to hear the words I love you. There so powerful.

Answer 6

Listen love, if you know you're not ready to have a child, then absolutely under no circumstances should you have one. Raising a child is a full time job in and of itself...and if you don't have a willing partner to help, it's all the more difficult. The unconditional love of a child is both gratifying and fulfilling, yes, but is best left to when you are emotionally stable enough to give that love, and other resources, in return.

Your question suggests that you are at a point in your life where you are unsure of yourself and your surroundings, and should therefore work those issues out first. Children, like marriage, are not solutions to problems...and should never be considered as such.

Whatever you should decide, I urge you to strongly consider these points, and wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

A child should not be the determining factor for receiving love. A child is a huge responsibility. You have to get back to reality. You are looking at children when they are babies. But remember, those babies grow up into teenagers and then adults. I know from experience that there is a lot of exciting times when their babies, but when they grow, the fun subsides and it becomes a mental chess match that you can never win. If you need to feel love, start off with a boyfriend and enjoy his companionship for a few years.
During that time, build on you self esteem and learn how to control your self doubt and anxieties. Then...have a child when you are mature about life.

Have fun!

Answer 8

Seek professional help. If you have low self esteem and you do not love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? You have to feel worth-it all by yourself before you could have a successful relationship w/ a partner.

It would be selfish to bring a child into the world when you are not ready emotionally (or fiscally). Seeing a counselor will help you improve your state of mind and perhaps encourage you to seek fulfillment in life in other ways that are much more productive than punishing an innocent child. Good luck.

Answer 9

You shouldn't bring a child into this world until you are ready,and financially and emotionally stable. How can you love and be happy with your baby, if you can't love and be happy with yourself first? Later on in the years is when you'll see that your child really loves you, because when the child is first born, all they want to do is eat, sleep, poop, and FEEL loved! You honestly should go away on vacation, with friends, get a pet, or maybe even seek professional help!
One last thing always know that GOD loves you, you can always take your problems to HIM, and HE want leave you astray!

Answer 10

I think you've answered your own question. Nobody truly "needs a child in order to feel loved," and if you enter into child-bearing and child-rearing with that mindset, you could easily do that child a huge disservice by (1) making him (or her) responsible for your emotional state, and (2) coddling him (or her, etc.) so much that he comes to dominate the relationship, which leads to major discipline problems.

If you're looking for a feeling of unconditional, undemanding love, buy a puppy. Or, better yet, learn to have loving relationships with the adults around you, even when they hurt you by being careless or cruel. Engaging in that give and take is the only way to become strong enough to be a good parent.