Mother in law question?

Question

After a recent seperation from my husband (we have been together 11 years seperated for a month and now back together) my husband told me that his mother stated that "If we got back together she thought it was a mistake and we should go our seperate ways but if we did then I was not invited to any family functions." Now I havent done anything to this woman ever, well I stood up to her once when she was talking down about my husband ( her older 2 boys are saints my hubby is the black sheep) but that was years ago.He says he hasnt said anything bad about me to her. And I have never cheated on him or anything our problems were more financial issues than anything. My question is on holidays should I stay home by myself and let him take the kids (we have 3- 2 together) the oldest already has stated that if I dont go he isnt either (he is 17) or should I ask my hubby to stand up to her and say if my wife isnt invited then we ALL will not be coming. What do you all think I should do?

we got along really good until she realized years ago that I wasnt out to change him into a goody goody like her other to sons and their wives. They are very materialistic and we just arent. There are more important things in life than money. Other than that I dont know why she doesnt like me. At previous holidays I am pretty much ignored anyway, only spoke to when I ask a point blank question. Otherwise I just sit in the living room watching tv with the kids. By the way nieces and nephews love me LOL I dont want to cause friction between my hubby and his mom more than is already there but this irks the crap out of me. No I dont really want to go these family functions but I dont want to stay home alone either.

Answer 1

the relationship with his mother is over for you, dont let it bother you... he Won't stand up to her, dont bother asking either... i think you would be happy to be away from someone who Obviously doesnt like you...
let the kids have a relationship with her, it's not gonna hurt and makes you look like the bigger person...
if you get back with the hubby, just do "family" things, why bother including her?

Answer 2

Seems to me that your husband should have already told her that. It's been 11 years and if she can't accept the fact that you just don't throw 11 years away, then she may be the one with the problem. If your husband never said anything bad to her about you and she doesn't have a real reason to not want you around, well she just still may be upset on the inside about you speaking up for your family years ago. You know some people are fake and will smile on the outside, but dislike you a great deal on the inside. Try going to your family for the holidays, or cook at your house and have your holiday at home, your oldest will be there so you won't be alone. In life if you don't stand for something, then you'll fall for anything....honey it's time to STAND UP!. Good luck!

Answer 3

Your mother-in-law is trying to be the most important person in your husband's life, and it doesn't sound like she respects him very much. The choice to be together should be your's and your husband's, and she should just butt out. Also, it sounds like she doesn't care much for her grandchildren, if she's willing to alienate the parents of those grandchildren.

If it were me, I would insist on one of two things on holidays. Either the whole family (you, husband, and all the kids) goes together, or NONE of you go.

Your husband needs to decide if you and your marriage is more important than his mother controlling him and treating him like a child. He chose to be married to you, therefore you should be the one he chooses for holidays.

I just wanted to add one last thing. The rest of the year, let your husband go over to his mother's alone. Don't go visit her, and don't call her. This way he still gets to have his relationship with her, and you get to have a life (most of the year) free of her.

Caller ID is a wonderful thing, cause then you don't even have to talk to her at all. When the phone rings, glance at the caller ID display and either let the machine get it, or hand the phone to husband without answering it yourself.

Answer 4

I think your husband should stick up to his mother but in a respectful way after all she should be happy for her son no matter who he spends his life with besides she should also think of the way this effects your children,but even if she doesn't still want you at family functions you still wont be alone you still have your 17 year old to spend holidays with and that should make up for her selfishness after all it sounds like to me that she would be the one missing out on you and your 17 year old being there in her life.Hope this brings you comfort and piece of mind.

Answer 5

Your husband has his own family now, ie you and the kids and the mother-in-law should respect that. You, your husband and the kids should go on your own holiday together. Your husband should definitely tell his mother that he is now a package deal and she either takes the lot or leaves the lot.

Answer 6

Your husband needs to stand up to his mother, and tell her that he has made his choice. You two are back together, so your family (husband wife kids) should be together on holidays.

If he wants to go and leave you home, it tells me that he is not really a man!!

Answer 7

She has shown her true colors. Nobody should have to stand up for you exept you with the exception of if you think the action would completely sever the relationship. I think the best policy is to let people know how you feel since most people have a hard time knowing without being told.

Answer 8

well definatly talk to your husband, see how he feels about things. If you really want to go to the family functions, go, it will be awkward and you will make people mad but you get your point across that you are married to him, there for part of the family and they can kiss your........

Or you can be nice and just respect his family's wishes and stay home and let him enjoy time with them.

It is between you and your husband to decide what you should do.

Answer 9

This is were your husband needs to stand up for you!! Its always sad when outsiders feel they have to get involved in other peoples troubles. An there are children involved. Your husband should feel very upset about this an want to take action without you having to say a word to him. GOOD LUCK LOVE!!

Answer 10

Well I think you answered that yourself. I'll simply ask your hubby to stand up for you and your lil family and say if she isn't welcome than neither am i. Your his wife and it's none of her business. You got together because you worked things out. She should be proud of that. But I wouldnt mind her at all just go about ur business. If she feels that way about you nothing you do will change it.