Will you tell me a joke?

Question

Ten 10 points are involved

Answer 1

A man goes in to see a doctor. He says, "Doc I've been thinking about it for a while now and I think I wanna be castrated. "What on earth would possess you to wanna do a thing like that? I think it would be the best thing for me. Well.... although I completely advise against this I'll go ahead and schedule you for the surgery. The next morning the man decided to take a walk down the hall. Although he was in excruciating pain, he thought he would give it a shot.He came from his room in time to see another man walking slowly bow legged toward him so he walked up to him. "It looks like you just had the same procedure I did" he said. 'Yeah, I figured after 25 years of life that it was time for me to get circumcised" the man explained. "OH ****!!!" he yelled ..... "THAT'S THE WORD!!"

Answer 2

I liked coloryst's joke - I have another about tattoos;

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for Paul Newman on one thigh and Robert Redford on the other.
When he had finshed he gave her a look and she said "that looks nothing like them" so he goes into the street and grabs the first person he can - a homeless person - and asks him if he knows who those tattoos are of, the homless person says "I don't know about the two on the sides but that one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson"

Answer 3

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old Grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Answer 4

A woman goes to her gynosologist, when she opens her legs the doc sees she has 2 tattoos. A tattoo of a turkey on the inside of one thigh and a tattoo of a christmas tree on the inside of the other thigh. The doc asks her why she has the tattoos, she replies, "Everyone knows the best eating is between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Best wishes

Answer 5

A Blond was sitting on tree trunk and was singing a song, after some time she positioned herself upside down and again continued singing. A passer by asked hey why the hell you are doing that?
Blond Replied my dear now I am singing side B

Answer 6

A panda bear walks into a bar, asked for a hamburger. He ate it all, then he stood up and shot up the whole bar with a gun, and left without saying a word. The bartender looked up stunned, and said "What was that?" One of the customers said "Oh, that's a panda bear, he eats shoots and leaves!"

Answer 7

There was this Texas Aggie (you have to be from Texas to understand what that is - sort of a "dumb dora" person). Anyway, this Aggie drained his swimming pool and his friend asked him why he did this. The Aggie said "I want to practice diving but I don't know how to swim".

Answer 8

Sorry, I never tell THE BOSS a joke. I'm not sure if he even HAS a sense of humor. Oops... gotta go, here he comes.

Answer 9

The doctor said to the lady "I have bad news and worst news" The lady said "tell me the bad news" so the doctor told her " you have 24 hours to live" so said "oh my, what's the worst news then?" he said " I forgot to call you yesturday!"

Answer 10

A friend is like gas blown from the ***, which creates noise n nuisance to others but gives me a great comfort. Thanks for being gas of my ***.