My husband just had serious heart surgery just over a month ago. He has gone back to the hospital several times because of complications. He is in the hospital now even. We were planning on taking a 2 week trip with his parents. I feel that the money is too tight because my husband has not been able to work AND I think that he should not go on a 2 week driving trip because of all his current medical problems. My mother in law is still acting like we are going to take this trip even though my husband and I have expressed our concerns. How can I tell her to LAY OFF the subject already!
2006-06-05 19:53:58 · 35 answers · asked by beckini 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can probably get your husband's doctor to back you up in saying that he should not take the trip. If you are sufficiently definite with her about it, she will have to decide whether she wants to go anyway or stay home to be near her son. The thing is when you "express concern," you leave the question open. When you say, "No, we can't go," and the doctor backs you up, then she will have to lay off.
2006-06-05 20:00:42 · answer #1 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
First of all I am sorry to hear about your husband. I hope things are getting better for him.
Secondly ........... 'the mother-in-law"!! You will just have to be honest with her. Tell her you are sorry to let her down after she has gone to so much trouble arranging everything but you really don't feel her son is well enough to travel. Explain your concerns about money and say you would sooner put it on hold for a while until things improve.
Maybe you could go on a smaller weekend trip to the country or something. Somewhere not too far for your husband to travel which is close to a hospital but far enough away that it feels like you have taken a trip.This might actually be good for your husband, light walks and plenty of fresh air.
It is her son you are concerned about so just be frank with her. I am sure if you put it clearly and firmly she will understand.
She will probably be very disappointed but she will appreciate why you have both chosen to cancel............. she may even offer to help with some of the bills until your husband is back to tip top health.
Good luck to you and your family
2006-06-05 20:01:39 · answer #2 · answered by Gillipoos 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For yous to go on this trip would be just plain crazy. If your husband has had heart surgery and all the complications it would be putting him at risk.
If he is still in the hospital, have a talk to him about it and express your concerns (get him on your side) then when the mother in law comes to visit him, both of you ambush her at the same time with the facts and your decision of not going on the trip, so she sees its your husbands point of view also.
Good Luck
2006-06-05 19:58:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are sorry to disppoint them, but you are not going because of these concerns. If she loves her son, she will understand that; perhaps she is not aware of the seriousness of his condition. I would do it in writing if you feel she isn't listening to you now. Something like this -
Dear Mum and Dad,
We were so looking forward to taking our holiday with you, but we feel because of (Robert's) heart surgery and the complications afterwards that we would be better off giving the holiday a miss just now. As you know, Robert has had complications folowing the surgery, and has had to go back to hospital several times already. We feel that Robert needs to be in the care of the doctors and surgeons who have been involved with him throughout, and because of these complications and following their advice, we have decided that unfortunately we will not be able to come with you on the trip.
I'm sorry that we have to pull out, but as I'm sure you understand, Robert's health must come first.
Your loving daughter-in -law (or however you would sign off!).
Hope this helps. And after you've sent it, don't get into any argument or discussion with them about it, and make sure your doctors are aware of the situation; you can only puit 'following doctors' advice' if that's the advice they ~would~ give.
2006-06-05 20:06:00 · answer #4 · answered by musicalj2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers love their children. Tell her that her son's condition cannot tolerate such a trip and will endanger him and I am 100% sure she is selfish enough to protect her son. Tell her now instead of last minute so that she doesn't put on so much "look forward" feeling and that will help to ease the disappointment. Don't pick round the bush and make excuses just hit the point directly as it's the fact and the concern is all about.
2006-06-05 20:01:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her in a nice, but matter-of-fact way....that ur husband is not physically ready for a trip like that, right now. Postpone it...tell her when he is able, you will make the trip. Or they can come come for a visit, when ur hubby is feeling a little stronger. Don't beat around the bush...sometimes people don't get it...unless u say it straight out.
2006-06-05 20:23:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to ur Husband's Dr. about it.....if the Dr feels that it isnt good for him to go on this trip...then have them put it into writing & hand it to your Mother In Law....as far as the money part tell her that money is tight & you wont be able to pay for your portion of all the things that were planned....& tell her ya'll can still go....IF they are willing to pick up the extra slack......I know this sounds kind of mean.....BUT...she might get the hint then....GOOD LUCK....I will pray that your Husband heals & continues to grow stronger.....God Bless You....
2006-06-05 20:01:51 · answer #7 · answered by mysticfairy74 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that it's not going to happen and that you are very concerned about your husbands health. Also, tell her that you need her to stop talking about it because it is putting stress on you and your husband and if she cares about her son she will lay off and you can take the vacation when he is feeling well enough to do so.
2006-06-05 19:57:51 · answer #8 · answered by Meg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you can get your doctor to back you up on the subject. Tell her "well Dr. smith doesn't think he's up for the trip, and money is a little tight right now" tell her that you want to postpone the trip, or they can go without you and send a nice postcard or something. Just be direct!
2006-06-05 19:57:40 · answer #9 · answered by Tiffany C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her up front, " I'm sorry, but with my husbands condition unstable and the lack of cash we are not going". Your husband might have to say the same thing as she might think it is just your idea. Sounds like a pushy woman. Not to mention a selfish woman. If it were my son, I would have been the one to cancel the road trip. I have a mother in law just like her. I've learned to stand up to mine. Good luck.
2006-06-05 23:18:15 · answer #10 · answered by Mache 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋