Do you think women are unreasonably pressured to become mothers?

Question

I just read an interview with Emily Giffen, who has written a book called Baby Proof, about a woman who does not want children. I remember saying I didn't want children, and I even had my tubes tied at the age of 30. Now I regret that, as I have no grandchildren. My own parents made it sound like raising children was much more work than fun, and yet some people seriously do enjoy their children. Do you think women should "naturally" want children, and if they don't, will live to regret it? And how does that fit in with whether women "should" want a career? And is wanting grandchildren later a sufficient reason to want children when you are young enough?

Answer 1

Yes, they are. But the amount of pressure society puts on women to reproduce is nothing when weighed against the pressure that their genetic makeup puts on them.

Answer 2

I find it very uncomfortable when people tell me that the greatest joy in life is to have children and I will never experience true joy unless I do. Ouch. Unlike you I had tubes that were badly damaged and did have them opened but it was too late.
I have been in a strong relationship since I was in my 20's and we had a ton of people from family to friends asking all the time.
I think it's a woman's and a mans choice whether they want to have kids however. People should mind their own business as to why a person is childless.
You couldn't have known that when you made your choice that you would feel the way you do now. You could always help some deserving child in a mentor/friend way. If you have nieces or nephews you can also be active in their lives.

Answer 3

The question I would be asking myself would be: If I didn't want children, what is the reason that I believe I want grandchildren? I have a niece that is 36 and never wanted children and she has never changed her mind or regreted it. She loves her nephew and nieces very much and enjoys spending time with them, but knows that she has them during that time and they return to their parents. I admire that she is in touch with who she is and doesn't cave in to the peer pressure that women should want to be mothers. If you do not want children then you should follow your feelings, so that you wouldn't live to regret that you did something just because you were expected to. Once you are a mother you are always a mother...and you reallly should want that so that it doesn't feel like work and you enjoy your children and have fun! Hopefully, you have family members that have children and you can be a part of loving, sharing, and enjoying them.

Answer 4

Everything in life that's really good and fulfilling involves work.
Having children is wonderful. I went through hell and back to have one and I don't mind the work because I'm getting so much fun and love and joy out of it.
Grandchildren? I don't think so far ahead.
I think most women would like to have children, but some just realize they can't afford it, or they are in unstable relationships, and that's why they don't want to become mothers.

Answer 5

I think to say anything like wanting children is "natural" is bogus, I think it is all about social pressure....from the time you are little, everyone project on you that you will grow up and have a family.
The same with the career pressures: in an ideal world, women wouldn't be ruled by "shoulds."

Of course, longing for grandchildren is interesting...are there any children in your family or neighborhood that need doting? Maybe nieces or nephews or foster kids ?

Men were made for.....hmm, what were men made for? If women are made for reproduction, or if it is their main goal in life, why are there so many men around? We could manage on our own, with just one or two men.

Women can be mothers: but they can also be any other number of "important to society" things. To suggest that is their "place" is soooooo cro-magnon.

Answer 6

Yes, I think women are unreasonably pressured to have children. They are conditioned from the time they are just kids that having children are what women do. I mean think about it. When I was a kid, boys played with dumptrucks, and girls played with dolls. And what did they do with these dolls? They played "mommy". And then when they grow up, and they say that they don't want children, they get told it's because they haven't found the right guy, or when they get older, they'll change their minds. Women keep being told they are supposed to want children, that's what they were designed for, and if they don't, they are made to feel guilty for not "being normal". Seems like a lot places I go, it's kid friendly, and parents are catered to. I feel like a leper because I have no children, nor do I want them.

Answer 7

children are a blessing. I'm 21 and unlike most of my friends, I have no kids and sometimes I feel like I dont want to. They are too much trouble but they also make you see life differently and make u aware of so many emotions you didn't know you had. I know I dont want kids now but I want them, eventually. If I didnt' have them, I would probably regret it down the road. When we are young, we are always given dolls and are molded to want to become mothers. The pressure is there but it is up you whether you want to embark on such a journey.

Answer 8

I think it is a serious problem in our culture that many women think of having children as a chore and fight any "natural" inclination towards having children. One unfortunate side-effect of the women's liberation movement (which I generally do support) is the idea that a woman is wasting her life by having children. Frankly, women in the past generation or so have been so preoccupied with doing what men do that they forget what actually makes them important in this world - that they can do what men cannot do.

Answer 9

i do think we're pressured. it seems like the thing to do. everyone aims for marriage and children and then grandchildren.i guess it keeps ppl from being alone in life, and i dont see a problem with that aspect.

i really dont know what my feelings on this subject are. i dont want to be alone when i get old, but i dont think children are necissarily the only answer.

i think women should want what they want. if its a career, get a job that you love. if you want a husband and kids then do that. i personally want to travel, and i want to do that before i worry about what to do with my life after that. only time will tell.

Answer 10

yes, in some ways we are. but i don't let that kind of pressure to get to me. i too have my choices to make and i choose not to have kids. so, despite my friends and family telling me to have one, i still can't find it in me to want to have children. at least not in the near future. i'll have one when i'm ready to have one. so deal with it.