What should I do?

Question

Im 19 and haven't seen my dad since I was like 4. He was abusive. He almost killed my mom, he beat her, cheated on her, treated her like she was the most worthless thing in the world. He put her through 11 years of hell. Just remembering how she hurt and watching her be scared all the time, brings tears in my eyes and makes me want to kill my dad. But even though he hurt her so bad, I still want to be with him. I cry for him everynight and pray and pray and pray that he will come see me and tell me he loves me. Am I wrong for wanting him after what he did to my mom? My dad is a psycho path and Im scared he would hurt my mom if I saw him. I feel like I need him though. What should I do? There is a whole other side to my life that I don't know about.

Answer 1

a girl needs to know the effection of her dad at one point of life and if u have never had it you will long for it no matter how bad ur fathers charactor is.. knowing he is ur own dad is enough..
and i think this is what make u longing for ur dad...
but u have to be careful dear cos... it seems he is potential of bringing trouble to ur mom and well will effect ur life too... so talk to ur mom about ur dad.. and try to tell her ur longing for ur dad... and if she is against it.. may be u have to get some counselling dear....

Answer 2

I totally understand what u are going thru. I have a deadbeat dad. And when I was younger I yearned for him 2 jus love me. Finally I sat him down and talked 2 him and realized that he wasn't worth my time.
Neway, I think u should definitely talk 2 ur father, maybe he has changed. U'll never be satisified and content wit ur life until u get closure. That's the least he could do seeing how he's ur father is explain 2 u what went on and try 2 build ur rship. Once u talk 2 him and u talk about things, then u need to either cut all ties wit him or realize that he's human and he makes mistakes, and move on. Build that father/daughter rship and let him be a part of ur life if that's what u both want! GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

You're not wrong to want to see your dad. It is a natural thing. However, it sounds like you still have a lot of unresolved issues, that you should talk with a counselor about. You may be suffering from post-traumatic stress. You are expressing a desire for a father figure. You need to work through these feelings and issues or you will find yourself trying to find that father figure in the wrong sort of relationships.
Everyone who has had a disrupted relationship with a parent has that desire to be told they are loved and valued.
I hope that you will seek serious help.

Answer 4

It is natural to want to be loved by our parents. At 19 you don't need him. You just need to know you are loved by him. Sounds like it might not happen or he would have gotten in touch with you before now. Get on with your life and be thankful he isn't there to hurt you or your mom anymore. People can change but since you call him a psycho I would be very careful. Sometimes it is best to leave a can of worms unopened.

Answer 5

Well, first of all you're not wrong to wait for your dad, that's normal.

When you was like 4, you saw him beating your mom, cheated on her..etc.... I think at this age you was young to judge things more correctly. But let me assume that was true, you don't know why he have done..? was it because of your mom hurting his feeling or not giving him what he needs as wife and husband?
or he may be drunk when he done that...
Any way, I think you should hear from him, and try to put him on the track, if he was abusive as you said, and of course if you could .
Blessed you, I really admire your desire to see and meet your dad
even he didn't try to see you all this long period.

Answer 6

That is up to you. It is normal to want to know and see your parents. But if you don't there is nothing wrong with that either. If you have other unknown siblings, maybe get to know them and then make your decision, if that is a possibility. You do not want to put you or your mother in danger. This is not your fault and you just need to pray that you can do it at the right time and pray for answers and look for signs that God gives you. What do you feel is right at this time?

Answer 7

Okay heres the deal....My mother left my father when I was 4 also. I had never spoke to him until one nite at the age of 18 I stumbled across someone who new him on my ham radio. We lived 1500 miles from each other. I got his number and figured I would call him....I finally worked up the nerve and when he answered I told him " hello dad, this is your son David." his reply was " I dont have a son named David". Well that tore all desire to ever see him for me. I guess all I can tell you is contact him. If you get the chance to find out about him go for it! People make mistakes.....maybe he has wised up. In any event if you develop a relationship with him you will learn more about him. I hope things work out for you but BE CAREFUL! If your father shows ANY signs of abuse toward you its time to go!

Answer 8

First of all if he's a physcopath I don't suggest meeting up with him. BUT if you need to see him to heal then you should contact him. I left my father behind a long time ago. I didn't and still don't think he is worth all the pain and the memories of the bullshit I put up with. For some, like my sister, to talkt o the one that hurt you the most is The only way to heal.

Answer 9

That your dad no matter what happen in the past you can either try to put in the back of your to forget it or you will end up in the crazy house. You may need to get some help like counseling.Good Luck

Answer 10

Don't worry first of all God may bless u. then Physiologically girl childs have an attraction towards father while boy childs have an attraction towards mother It's that what happens in ur case too I hopes u may find ur father soon as he also may be dying to see u

Answer 11

You are 19 and an adult so if it makes you feel better, don't get your mother involved. If it is way to painful to think of her and him together, don't even give anyone the opportunity to do it, You need him and I bet he misses you so take a moment and reach out to him and see how he responds and leave your mom out of it.