Why have I returned to the very thing that ruined me ?

Question

One thing I havent understood about me is that after enduring a horrendous rape and all the after effects...I have always been doing really good for a while and then it seems that a evil cloud of darkness would fall on me and I would get totally driven to fall into some kind of abusive sex thing. It has seemed that its like drugs and withdrawal to me. I hate it and and after its over I get slammed with the deepest guilt. Then i crawl out and get better...then the whole cycle has come rolling back like crazy again. The best way to say how it felt was I would get this sweating panicky crazy desire and it just drags me back. Yet, I hate it and want nothing to do with any of that sensual life. Whats my problem?

Answer 1

Having gone through such a traumatic event, the side effects aren't easy to handle. You may either go one way or another, to the extreme promiscuous act to having nothing be done to you sexually at all. You are probably trying to fill a void that you feel you have since your experience, and by doing these things you feel satisfied yet completely guilty that you "have done this to yourself again".

It isn't your fault, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. There are crisis and support lines that you could call in your area..that would be a great help if you need to just vent and talk. They could give you information that you may need, as well as counseling that is provided in your area. Therapy could do a world of wonders and maybe you should consider it. What is there to lose?

Take care of yourself and your life, and remember you are a survivor not a victim. Make sure and put yourself first always, and if you feel something is wrong (which you clearly do) do something about it, there are plenty people who will support you out there and not judge you. So go for it!

Good luck!

Answer 2

In front of me, I saw a child get hit by a car. Her big sister, who was no older than 9, was holding her hand, and did not get hit at all. I re-lived that moment for years every time I came to that intersection, and every time I wondered: "will I ever forget this?"
The trauma eventually went away, but you know what? This is the thing that men return from wars with. You were traumatized, and this is the mental anguish that follows. Just let it out, then do something that you really love, like sing that favorite song, or cook up some delicious smelling thing that you love, or talk to your mom (not necessarily about the incident, but just to hear her voice) Or if not your mom, a friend who is understanding. Read a good book, go online, there's a gazillion things you can see and do.

Answer 3

It sounds like you're addicted to sex. Not funny; it really does happen. What you need to do is go to a counseler; and chances are, they'll send you to a pschologist. What you have is a mental scar that's made it hard to get over something, makes you do a destructive behaviour again and again, even though it's not really what YOU want to do. It's actually something that happens alot. You're depressed. Especially when, as you say, 'your slammed wit the deepest guilt'. It's like your body needs it, but your mind is repulsed by it, but the body wins out time and again.
This often will happen with rape victems or people who have lost someone extremly important in their lives; something that's terrible for them to endure; for some reason, their bodioes make them go back and relive the experience over and over.
You need help. They're not going to say, "your weird' or try to commit you; what you're expereincing, though it's rather hush-hush in society, it a relatively normal things, and counceling will help over time.
If you don't get help, your reoccurances will happen more and more. You'll find you have trouble trusting people; or feel you're using them, especially when you're in that guilt trip. I know the feeling. And you need someone to talk to about it, someone who won't judge you, someone who is neutral in the situation; which is why a counceler's best. If you can't bring yourself to go to a counceler; talk to someone you'd trust with your life. And I know that's hard; for me, I never found that person until I met my husband, but you'll have someone, whether it's an old friend or a parent or grandparent, whatever, just somebody who will help you, listen to you, support you emotionally.
Good luck, sweetie, and know you're not alone. That you're normal, and that you'll be right soon. You just can't pull back into a corner and watch life go by, reach out for help, and then grab life by the horns and lead it your own way, the way you want to lead it.

Answer 4

Sweetheart, I would advise you to see a professional or seek help from a minister who is trained.

One thing that I can tell you is that somewhere within yourself you feel that you deserve to be treated like this, constantly sabotaging your life. It’s as if the crime that was done to you was engraved on your heart, and instead of removing the pain, you continue to feed into it by performing the same act.

The time has come for you to allow the pain of your past to be chipped away so that your heart can be operated on, sutured, and repaired of any damage that was inflicted on you. What was done to you is not your fault. Put blame where it belongs. You deserve to be loved, cared for and protected, as a lady should. And you will one day.

Surrender the past abuse, heal the present excuse, therefore, having a future of great use.

Be blessed, be at peace, and get yourself some much needed rest.

Answer 5

You said sensual life sweetie there ain't nothing sensual about rape. It's all about power. We do have a tendency to do things because they are familiar not becuz they are good for us. Sort of like a moth to a flame. You need to learn new behaviors instead of relying on the old negative ones. I would think of getting in to counseling or perhaps joining a church or something that has a more positive effect on you.

Good Luck

Answer 6

You need to get some counselling on what happened to you because it was obviously so traumatic that you now associate sex with rape.

Of course the two are linked, but in your mind, you have made them one and the same. You need to learn how to separate the two. Once you do that, you will be fine.

There is nothing "wrong" with you. It's a natural reaction after being raped, but you really should speak to a professional if you wish to have a "normal" sex life again.

Answer 7

Wow, that's really sad. Do you hate yourself? Feel like punishing yourself? That's what it sounds like to me. You feel as if you don't desrve better, nor can you BE better so you revert back to that bad behavior. You have to believe that you're better than that & deserve more. What would you think of someone else in your situation? You wouldn't probably be as hard on them as you are yourself. The rape did a real number on you, but you have to realize that everybody makes mistakes & is allowed a fresh start.........with every new day each of us is allowed to try again. You should probably seek some counseling to help you through this. You can do it! Good Luck!!!

Answer 8

It sound like you need to go to a rehab or see a therapist and get on some medication for your problems. Keep a journal or just a few daily notes to see when these feelings appear and how long they last and maybe what triggers them. That will help you. It will take effort but it will help you see a little more clearly.
It is easier to stay in our old comfort zone or what we know, than it is too make a change, even if just a minor one. You have to deal with what happened to you or it will not get any easier.

Answer 9

Many people find themselves in these situations because they get their eyes off Jesus.

Hbr 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Pro 24:16 For a just [man] falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.

Answer 10

I suggest you figure out what kind of payoff you're getting from dysfunctional sexual relationships. Habits don't form unless you are perceiving some kind of benefit from the activity. For example, people smoke because it calms their nerves and also suppresses appetite. Even though smoking is obviously unhealthy, people's immediate desires win out over long term reasoning. After you satisfy your sexual needs, you have a brief period of calm and satisfaction. Gradually it changes to guilt and shame until you can get your fix again. If you can figure out what the payoff you're getting is, you can figure out some alternatives for when the need strikes. For example, for someone who eats emotionally, it can be difficult to break that cycle. When you're sad, you have to pick an activity that both helps your sadness, and makes eating impossible. Choosing to go on a walk, instead of eating is a constructive habit to form. I suggest you find a similar healthy alternative that makes it impossible for you to go down an unhealthy path.