Tell me the BES joke uVE EVER HEARD AND IF I LAUGH U WILL GET 30 POIINTS!!?

Question

ANY TYPE BUT NOT WAYY TOO LONG or u discalified

iif ii chose urs as the BEST JOKE u and me wil deal with teh 3 points. dont worry about it now.

Answer 1

Why did the pervert cross the street?

He was stuck to the chicken.

Answer 2

This is the killing joke.

Two guys are in a mental institution, and they decide the don't like living in a mental institution any longer. So they decide to escape.

That night, after 'lights out', they sneak out of their ward and up the stairs to the roof. There is another building next door to them the same height as the institution. If they have the nerve to make a tremendous leap across the alley between the two buildings, they can escape and be free!

So the first guy takes a deep breath and makes a running start. he jumps way out waving his arms and kicking his legs and he makes it! He lands on the other roof and he can go down the stairs of the other building and go out at the street level and he will be free.

He tells his friend, "Come on, you can do it! it's easy!"

But his friend doesn't have the nerve. He's afraid.

So he says, "Listen, I have my flashlight with me. I'll turn it on,. lay it on the edge of the roof. The beam will shine over to the other roof, where you are, then you can walk over on the beam!"

His friend says to him, "What, are you CRAZY? You'd turn it OFF when I got halfway across!"







Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Answer 3

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the
woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

Answer 4

This is the funniest joke i know. It is highly rated in many websites. I think you will find it nice.

Good Dog!

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog.

So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus. Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs.

Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!

There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!"

To which the guy responds, "Clever, my ***. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Answer 5

heres 2 really good ones:

it was picture day at the elementary school. an elderly teacher was explaining to some rather reluctant students that were getting their pictures taken that it would be a rather fun experience. "just think, when you are all grown up, you can look at your yearbooks and say, "oh look at jonny, he's now a doctor, or look at susan, she's a lawyer," said the teacher. One little boy whispered to his friend, "then we would say, Look at the teacher. She's dead."

Sally was in class and the teacher was talking about whales and how they had very small stomachs. Sally told her teacher about the story of jonah and the whale and how jonah gets swallowed by the whale and spends several days in the stomach of the whale. The teacher says that it was impossible for this to happen. "Then when i go to heaven, I will ask jonah," Sally says to the teacher. "But what if jonah went to H E double hocky sticks?" the teacher asked sally. "Then you ask him" sally said.

haha those are funny...

Answer 6

Lost Pen

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some a$$hole's got my pen."

LOL

Answer 7

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

Answer 8

OK here it goes

there was this girl named sally she was sleeping through Sunday School the teacher asked HER who was the creator of the Universe? this boy named Johnny stabed her in the butt with a pen and she yelled God Almighty!
then fell back to sleep. 10 minutes later the teacher asked who was Lord and Savior? once again jonny stabed her again
and she yelled Jesus Christ! Then 5 minutes later the teacher asked her what did Eve say to Adam after their 31st child? but this time Sally jumped up and said if you stick that damn thing in me one more time i will break it in half! the teacher fainted!

Answer 9

Q. What's the difference between a band of pygmies and a girls' track team?

A. The band of pygmies is a bunch of cunning little runts.

Another one: (can I send two?)

Q.Why don't they let women fight in wars?

A. Because they don't know when to quit.

Answer 10

question:And then there's the question of how women evolved... nyuk nyuk nyuk
answer:well curly christians would say by eating fruit Darwinism would over along period of time excuse the pun Lady's and perfection takes time. Rolf