Dead beat parents?

Question

I was in a nearly 8 year relationship we had a daughter age 6 at the time of break up. She is now 8 and her father has not seen her, sent a birthday card, paid any support, in over two years. She has to see a counslor and has been in a mental hospital 2 times because she is confused and feels adondon by her dad. I have begged him via e-mail to be involved and visit her. He NEVER writes me back. She calls him now and then he dose not call her saying he has no long distance on his phone. He was a bad provider and bad father the 8 years we were together, lil has changed I guess. The question is how do I help her understand he has CHOSEN to not be a father. He also has a 12 year old he pays no support to and has no contact with. My daughter cry's for him and i'm left picking up his crap. I ca't get him to understand I ONLY want him around 4 her sake. This breaks my heart to see her so torn. I know he'll never have to face what he's done to her.

Answer 1

Wow.. That is how my life was as a child. I have tears running down my cheek for your daughter because I know how hard it is. I would sit in front of the window for days at a time telling my mom I knew he would be back.

When I was in that situation I was too young to really understand why he wouldnt want to see me. The thing that really helped me was having my mom there to just talk with me and be there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. My mom used to tell me that my dad was not ready to be a dad. I dont really suggest that though, that made me feel bad for being born. I would not let her call him. Tell her that his phone has been disconnected or something. That way she can grieve but sort of get over him too. But with him talking to her then not is like him coming in and out of her life. That hurts her over and over again. Like rubbing salt into a fresh wound! Try to have an uncle of hers or some other male family member do stuff with her. Not to replace her father figure however but to show her that there are real men out there. That will be something she will need to know as an adult and by having someone close to you do stuff with her she will not lose hope on all men. As for the being in a mental hospital I would suggest you take her to counsiling if you are not already. She may need to talk to someone out of the family without you there to truly work through these feelings she is having. If you need to talk more please contact me! I know what your daughter is going through... I was her as a child. It's not easy but maybe I can give you a little more insight from her point of view from being there!

Answer 2

I agree that she could use a different male role model in her life but a boyfriend probably isn't the best idea. She needs someone who will be in her life for long term. Boyfriends leave just as you have learned already. Perhaps a Grandfather or Uncle. Or a trusted neighbor. She needs to learn that she can trust men and that they don't all leave. Good luck and I feel your pain. Take good care of that little girl and be strong for her. Try not to talk bad about her father. This is his problem not yours or your daughters.

Answer 3

Your reactions have a tremendous impact on her. Check your opinions and feelings. If you in any way act weak, or like you are at a loss she will feel as though she is. Change the focus. Become busy about life and living. Don't ever seem critical of her feelings and/or behaviour just get busy with living. Let her see the expressions on your face as you schedule museum visits, for example. Give the impression that you really feel life is important without him. Watch the expressions on her face as you explore things together. When you see things she's interested in encourage her. Be the example of the strong woman that you want her to become. Find out "who" she is and develop that person. As she grows strong into herself one of these days absent-headed man will see what he missed with no way to recapture it.

Answer 4

I think her seeing a counslor on a regular basis may be a good idea. Maybe a counslor may be able to help you explain what is going on in a way she will understand. It must be heartbreaking for her, but she may still hope he will come see her. Good luck.

Answer 5

as harsh as it is you are going to have to make her life complete without him and only talk about him if she brings him up make excuses for her not to call him like you dont have his number or something the most you can ever hope for from him is court ordered child support he obviously doesnt care about being a dad so having her care about having a daddy is only hurting her you need to move on too find a man who will be a good stepfather to her and do the things daddies do with her

Answer 6

i understand how you feel. I will chose it would be better for her not to know him then for her to know him and him be in here life on and off, just giving her mixed emotions. I recommend getting a boyfriend that will love you and your daughter and give her the father figure attention and love that she needs and craves. Not to replace her biological father but just to feel that fatherly love from a male figure would comfort her in some way.

Answer 7

if you're relating those who do not pay infant help, look into a e book noted as "both-income seize". actual one of quite a few exciting factors about the monetary equipment made interior the e book is that the "Deadbeat Dad" is fairly a lot a creation of politicians and media, a reachable scapegoat. particular, there are those who cheat on infant help because they are selfish, yet there is not any longer an excellent pool of untapped funds to be received by ability of monitoring down a variety of of "deadbeats" and garnishing their wages. it truly is plenty like the "deadbeats" who declare financial disaster and characteristic grow to be the scapegoat for irresponsible people residing previous their ability. look on the authentic people Republican politicians have villified as "deadbeats" and also you'll locate the vast majority have had catastrophic wellbeing issues, lack of existence interior the kin, unavoidable pastime loss, and different issues outside of their administration. This villification of "deadbeats" is in basic terms area of the GOP propaganda software to stigmatize the undesirable, and area of their monetary software to move wealth to the better type. i do not imagine your suggestion ought to accomplish something and that i think you're between the self-righteous Republicans who've the gall to call themselves "compassionate conservatives".

Answer 8

i might let her know he got killed in an accident. since its torturing her that he is alive but not wanting to see her might as well let her know he is dead and theres nothing we can do about it