where is God? I need advice?

Question

I am so overwhelmed. I pray to God to save my husband. My husband is mean, selfish, immature, desires to drink and smoke, makes me feel bad about myself...I cry nearly every three days. Today, he went to start a job at a bar when he clearly knew there was a problem with that (he flirts, he hides things, he drinks) and I clearly stated I did not want him to go there. He was going to start but I talked to him on the phone and told him to come home but i know he's going to rub in the fact that he lost money now cuz he's not working tonight or tomorrow. why does he do that? He would have been working with a woman (age 39) who he clearly enjoys talking with and laughs with (they got drunk together once) but now he's on his way home. what's going on with him? what do i do? I am so unhappy. I don't feel cherished at all. I'm crying right now...and I was so tough before I met him.FYI: I'm a college graduate who is working at a newspaper as a designer and I'm 3 years older (28) than hm.

Answer 1

I'm sorry that you are having such a bad time. You deserve better. You would be wise to visit a therapist to see why you are still with this fool. You should also visit an attorney to explore your options. In all likelihood you will be better off without him. Oh and as for God he's always listening. Just pray.

Answer 2

God is everywhere and He hears all prayers and He answers all prayers. The answer may not always be what you want and it may not come in your timeframe. Your life sounds very empty and I'm sorry to be so harsh with you but some people just love to be miserable. You need to stop looking at your husband because you cannot change him, only God can. What you need to do is look inward and see just why you are so hung up on him when its clear he doesn't respect you. You might look into some marriage counselling, and if he is not willing to do that then you might consider a separation, not a divorce, but a separation to give each of you time to figure out if you really truly have anything worthwhile to save in your relationship. There needs to be love, caring, sharing, trust and a deep and abiding mutual respect for each other. God be with you and your husband. You should continue to pray for him. Miracles do happen when we believe in and trust God.

Answer 3

Sugar, sugar, I'm so sorry to read that things are so bad. Sugar, know that God hears your prayers, He loves you, and holds every one of your tears in the palm of His hand. But, honey, God gives us free will, and that includes your husband.
Sometimes, you just have to go on with YOUR life, and let God handle the other things. If you have children, and are worried about their welfare, or if you yourself feel your husband just isn't holding up his end of the deal, then a separation may be the answer. God does want us to be faithful to our spouses, but He doesn't expect us to put up with infidelity, or abuse. I'm not saying divorce is the answer (although, ultimately, it might be), but a separation, while you continue to be faithful to your husband, and faithful in your prayers for him, would let him know that it is time for him to prioritize.

It is obvious to me that you love this man...else, you would not still be there. You also love your God and are trying to follow His word....you are a strong, wonderful woman. Don't give up on God, no matter what. Tell Him how frustrated you are, that you are at your limit, and then trust that He will make the best of it for you.

God Bless you Sister, I will be praying for you.

Shiba

PS>>Dear, I just got done reading your profile, along with the other questions you have posted. So, now I know that you have a daughter.
Would you want your daughter to be in a relationship like yours? Because, right now, above all else but God's will, you are setting an example for her. I am proud of you that you apparently have stopped drinking, but you need to realize that your hubby is what he was when you got married. A church wedding is not going to make things better at this point, only the two of you going to a minister together for counseling, and a decision by both of you to be parents now, not teenagers anymore. I really am NOT being mean, or trying to, I just want to get across that you have apparently changed for the better since your marriage, and he, on the other hand, has not suddenly turned into an ogre, but simply remained the same as he was. Time may very well be your best friend right now, second to God. As to the drunken sex...if it were me, that would stop. Only sober sex allowed.

Answer 4

If you do not have children, prepare to leave him. Make it clear to him that his behavior must change or you are gone. This sucks, but you cannot let him just have his way with you. You must be strong and let him know there are consequences to his actions.

If you have children, you must try to engage him. Couples therapy has helped some people, but your husband may not be ready for that. I suggest taking a really hard, but fair, line with him. Let him know in no uncertain terms what you expect of him and what the consequences are if he does not meet the expectations you agree on. Turn the tables on him and get him to think about how he would feel if you flirted with other men and worked late at a bar. Above all, begin carefully documenting his behavior. If you have a day-by-day journal of his coming hoime late, lieing, flirting, etc., then you will eventually have strong evidence should things get messy and end up in divorce court.

I hate to be so negative, but it is time to protect yourself and take action. If you are this unhappy, don't accept that as your lot in life. Act. Now. Engage your husband. Do not let him blow you off. Do not let him wait until tomorrow to talk about this. Tell him what you want - what you need. Lay out your ground rules (no working in bars; no flirtatious behavior) and get him to agree to them in writing.

Take back your life - you've only got one of 'em, so don't allow yourself to be this unhappy. You can do it.

Good luck.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like you are very happy. Love is not about obligating each other to behave the way we want. If your husband would be happier with someone else could you let him go? You don't seem to have him now. You obviously don't trust him. it sounds like you don't respect him either. I would suggest that you have a very open and honest conversation and decide what to do from this point on. This world is full of people. Maybe there is someone out there that is better suited to you. Be real about what you need in your life and don't settle for less.
Love & Light
Sharon

Answer 6

Hon God is there, he will never leave you or forsake you. God can save your husband hon you cant. Stop trying to change him. I have been in your situation. I was with a guy who drank and smoked and even cheated on me, broke my heart and treated me so bad. I cried every day sometimes several times a day. God was my only comfort. But I know what you need to do because the Lord is speaking to me right now about it, you need to leave him hon. I am not saying go get a divorce, but separate yourself from him and let God work on him. Keep praying for him. God bless

Answer 7

If you want to know the truth then accept the fact that you cannot change anyone.You are supposed honor your husband,maybe if you gave him a little bit of yourself the way he wants then things could be better,sounds to me like you run the show or else. I wonder how much you throw in his face that makes him want to be somewhere like a bar and get drunk with another woman,why don't you cherish him.

Answer 8

God was there before you married him.. remember he said do not be unevenly yoked. But what happens is we like to call on him after we make the decision w/o consulting him. The Bible says in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. Acknowledge the fact that you did not consult him about the right mate and ask God to have his way in your heart and your life accept Jesus not just as Savior but Lord and Savior.
1 Corinthians 7:14
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are [Ezra 9:2; Mal 2:15] holy.
Begin to thank God for what he's going to do in your life treat your husband like he is the best husband.
2 Corinthians 5:7:
for (A)we walk by faith, not by sight..
Seek to please God and not Self and watch God work in your situation. He may not work it out how you think it should be done but he is God and he will cause you to triumph over every situation.
Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Answer 9

I'm sorry that I don't know why your husband is doing what he is doing. He himself needs to realize what he is doing wrong, and then change, have patience and faith. Stay strong in your own faith and try to be an example for him. Keep praying, and I will pray for both of you and your relationship. I hope that people's responses will help you out and give you some good feedback. Always remember that God is there, and you can just lay your problems on him, because they seem too big for you to handle yourself. If you need to talk to someone you can e-mail me, if it would help at all.
Lindsey

Answer 10

I say take things into your own hands. Don't rely on someone else, even if it is God, to solve your problems for you. Did you tell him how you feel about all this? If you did and he is still doing this then he obviously doesn't deserve you. People like that are the lowest of the low if they don't listen to others. Don't get involved with them, they will only bring grief.