If you were making out with a girl and things were heating up a bit and clothes were coming off, if you saw a lot of old scars on her legs or stomach which were obviously from self harm, what would you do?
I know it sounds weird, but I'm a recovering self-harmer and I have extensive scars on my legs and stomach which won't fade for at least a few years, and will probably never completely disappear. And it's made me really paranoid, especially if I'm with a guy because I'm scared how he might react.
2006-06-05 11:44:37 · 12 answers · asked by Jen 5 in Health ➔ Other - Health
I do intend to wait until I'm married before I have sex, but even things like if he pushed up my trousers to stroke my legs or something like that, he would see the scars. And there are a lot on my stomach too which would be obvious if I had my top off or he pushed it up.......This makes me sound like a total ****, but I'm not necessarily talking about a guy I'd be in love with or thinking about spending the rest of my life with. I'm talking about just being out one night, meeting someone and having a kiss and maybe he lifted my top......I'm honestly not a ****, I don't do anything below the waist and I'm not going to have sex until I'm married!
2006-06-05 11:58:13 · update #1
I'm also VERY private about my self harm, very few people know about it. Some of my closest and oldest friends don't know and I hate talking about it because I'm so ashamed of it. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and see a psychiatrist regularly - similarly, I hide all of that from practically everyone. So I'd have to REALLY trust a guy before I started telling him stuff like that.
2006-06-05 12:03:35 · update #2
I understand that a lot of times, internal pain gets so severe that you just don't know what to do with yourself...i understand feeling so overwhelmed with pain you feel like hurting yourself on the outside would ease the pain, and i'm glad you're recovering from that. but, you have a Father in heaven who loves you far far beyond what words can say or you can understand, and He created a man for you that will fit with you absolutely more perfectly than you've ever dreamed, and if you wait for him, he will love and adore everything about you, and you won't have to feel self conscious or worried about what he'll think of you, because he'll only think the best of you. you may think that the whole God thing/the whole -God loves you -thing is a bunch of bull crap, but the only reason i came out of my depression was because i trusted God when He told me He loved me, and i didn't allow myself to believe the lies of the enemy saying I was worthless/i deserved to be in pain. God showed me that there always will be someone (especially the devil) who wants nothing less than to see me fall on my but from failure, but that He wants nothing more than to see me succeed. it's been a long, HARD road, and i would NOT have made it if I didn't trust God to get me through it. My point: look to God for your validation, and He'll NEVER let you down. HE's promised you that. Don't ever comromise. Treasure your purity, God will bless you ABUNDANTLY if you do. Don't worry about anything except for putting all your trust in God. When you do that, He's promised He'll take care of you in evry way imaginable.
I'd love to help you in any way i can. feel free to email me, please - chichuskeychick_89@yahoo.com
2006-06-05 12:10:03 · answer #1 · answered by allyson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dudette,
Kudos to you for being "a recovering self-harmer." It shows what a strong person you are.
If a guy reacts to your scars in a negative way, it's on him. He's the one losing out on getting to know such a special person.
2006-06-05 19:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by K8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i'm a recovering cutter myself and i know guys do it too. if i was with a guy and i saw all these scars, it wouldn't phase me a bit. see, when you love someone and you're going for sex or heavy making out stuff, and you see that...it doesn't matter. i have scars on my arm and whatnot...no one ever cared b/c they loved me. of course, i want to give a shout out here to wait until you're married, b/c i wish i did. just something to think about. if they DO care about your scars then they're NOT WORTH IT.
2006-06-05 18:49:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Badger, if this person can accept the scars then fine, if he makes an issue then is he right for you? Try putting some honey, yes honey on the scars as that does work to soften them.
As to what I would do, I would carry on as it's the person you love not their appearance.
2006-06-05 19:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by beefypete_quizmaster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good answer from 'buddy' about the stuff from the doctor but it might be a good idea to tell your prospective partner you self harmed so at least she's aware of it. It would be a complete shock if she didn't know.
2006-06-05 18:52:04 · answer #5 · answered by Iluv24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the guy really loves you, he wouldn't care.
I recommend you should see a doctor to get rid of scars.
I've also had scars on my legs and the doctor gave me stuff to put on and it went away in about 6 months.
2006-06-05 18:47:31 · answer #6 · answered by label_hore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that you suffered through that, I hope you are doing better now, I think as a guy I would defintely be caught off guard by it and ask questions
2006-06-05 18:49:33 · answer #7 · answered by mike k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i was a guy (BIG IF) id be concerned, might ask a few questions, but id totally understand, and id want to be totally assured that all that stopped, noone likes a loved one to be hurt, even if its self-harm
2006-06-05 18:50:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully if you were getting to this point with a guy, he would know you fairly well and should know about these things that you have done in your life.
2006-06-05 18:58:18 · answer #9 · answered by starting over 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he has any feelings for you it wouldn't matter about the scars or how you got them
2006-06-05 18:50:05 · answer #10 · answered by SUSAN J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋