But along the way as your both working on improving your marriage you become friends with a woman who is into you and you find her extremely interesting. You never once cheated on your wife but since she cheated on you in the first place. You start to wonder now your self? Couldn't this be the perfect time to give into your temptations and try something new? Is it worth it? I ask because after your wife cheats she made you feel worthless, this new person makes you feel good about yourself? Getting to the point would you talk to this person see where things lead and have fun with it? Or focus on doing the right thing?
2007-12-31 16:57:51 · 7 answers · asked by Me, Myself, and I 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
How one understands self-love could be the guide here. There is selfish ambition and the activity of ego and there is a sense of self that loves self in a way that corresponds to an outcome that is a win/win for self and others regarding this and any other scenario. Feeling good about one's self is important, but it need not depend on the activity of others or how they regard us. That is not real self-confidence or self-love, in my opinion. The best thing to do is to conduct one's self out of one's character regardless of what others do. Initiate rather than react.
2007-12-31 17:05:47 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Mandala 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide how you want to handle this situation.
How much in love are you with your wife? Are you concerned with the pain it would cause her if she found out (and she will)? Are you wholly committed to making your marriage work? Or are you just going thru the motions of 'working things out?' Are you sure this other woman is not just a distraction to stroke your ego and make you feel like a desirable man again? Is this other woman an opportunity to get even?
I suggest that you sit with this for a long time until you've figured out for sure where you want your marriage to go before you do anything. Remember, you're still a married man at this point in time, which means that you are not free to go out with another woman. I believe that you will feel better about yourself as a man if you wait and make sure you no longer want to be in your marriage. Once you've figured that out there will be plenty of time to find someone else.
One other thought, your wife's cheating had nothing to do with you. She cheated because she was not a big enough person to live up to her commitments. Most people cheat because they think they can do it and get away with it. If they realized they could get caught many would not cheat. They think they can "beat the odds."
2007-12-31 18:11:35 · answer #2 · answered by Geri42 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Greetings!
You have to ask this question: You would be with this other woman for the sake of what?
- Getting back at your wife? Are you really that vindictive? What if the roles were reversed and you cheated first. Would you be willing to give her a "free pass"? Not likely.
- Are you really "DONE" with your marriage and you want to move on? If so, stop "working on it", get a divorce and then be with this other woman.
- How would being with this other woman help you "work on your relationship"? Would your affair strengthen your current relationship? Would it boost your self-esteem? Would your wife forgive you? Or, would it be the last straw?
If you really want help with this, go ask your wife for her opinion. Tell her you want to be with this other woman and you'd like her "OK".
Ultimately, you must be honest with yourself and your wife. If you're really done and you can't bring yourself to forgive her, then call it quits and move on. If you REALLY want to reconcile, then leave the other woman alone and focus on making your marriage work.
I wish you Peace.
2007-12-31 17:59:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the right thing ...to death do you part.
2007-12-31 17:17:35 · answer #4 · answered by saveitok 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest; if she cheated on you she doesn't love you anymore or maybe you don't pay attention to her and she wants to make her jealous , i think if you search for the source of this problem you will find it in your relationship, and You. Good Luck.
2007-12-31 17:09:24 · answer #5 · answered by Ehsan X 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your life.It would probably mean the end of your marriage but since you don't seem to be coping with her infidelity that probably isn't worth keeping anyway. Maybe you should forget about women altogether for a while and try some time out. You have no right to dump your feelings of worthlessness on someone else.
To have the most satisfactory life you have to make you make yourself feel good about yourself. No one can put you down unless you agree to it and its silly to give someone else that power.
The 'right' thing is not necessarily making your marriage work it is bringing something worthwhile to your relationship and at present unless you learn to make your own definitions about yourself you cannot do that.
2007-12-31 17:05:59 · answer #6 · answered by happylady216 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a way, your scenario gives you the chance to sort of balance the scales...
However, how can someone trust a person who is already married, who staves off their relationship? I mean, where would it end?
I guess the non-conflicting chance that you had to "get back" at your cheating wife was to just not forgive her. Perhaps cheating on her as a way to get her back is a little bit out of bounds, but that is up to you.
For me it would be a matter of who she cheated with, what her attitude was about it initially, what the circumstances were for the infidelity moment, etc. It all depends on the details, but I'm not Kenneth Starr so I don't want to know. I'm just saying that there are degrees of cheating, IMHO.
2007-12-31 17:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by perfectlybaked 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋