Is a divorce painful. Has anyone ever been through one?

Question

It seems the man/ woman spends years building the marriage and the woman usually takes everything. It seems very unfair to me.

Answer 1

I've been married twice; 1st one ended in divorce.
Now, I'm happily married, 33 years, to my 2nd husband.

I was so happy, the day I got the final decree, I traded my 1 carat diamond engagement ring in for a nice 2 carat diamond ring.
Not all women are "gold diggers".
I got my child, no child support or alimony (I purposely declined both; I had a good career, so I didn't need his money), my car, and my personal items.

You should have seen his face the day the judge told him to either sign the papers, so my husband could adopt my son, or pay back child support for the previous 5 years, including all medical & dental, as well as to start paying child support, until my sons 18th birthday. He told the judge that I had voluntarily signed off on child support. But the judge said that, since we had used the same lawyer for the divorce and he had hired him, I had not been properly represented by legal counsel.
Even though I told the judge it was my idea, he refused to change his ruling, due to the fact that the ex had never tried to see my son and never filed an appeal to amend the divorce decree, in order to see him.
What's-his-name couldn't click that pen fast enough!!

Think what you will of me. I did what I had to do, to protect my child and myself, and I do not regret it!!

Answer 2

I am not personally, but I have 2 sisters going through a divorce right now. One is going through her 3rd! And the other her marriage is ending after 11 years, and 3 kids later! I also have a friend whom is going thur a divorce to after about 18 years! I agree it seems like alot to go through, especially when they're are kids involved! But, it seems like NOBODY is really committed to the better or worse, richer or poorer points in wedding vows. It is sad really!

Answer 3

Yeah, I went through one. And yeah, it was painful. Like drinking battery acid and pooping broken glass painful, but with twice as much swelling.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about it, and I always was amazed when people who had never even been married would come up to me and tell me their opinions of divorce and all, most of whom were at least well-intentioned. It makes you wanna say "Look, I appreciate the sentiment, and realize you may not have any idea of what to say to help, but just gimme a hug and let's leave it at that, ok?".

Before I was married, I always had this thought that the reason why different people took divorces differently was because different people always have different levels of commitment and attachment to things, with marriage being no exception.

After getting married, going through a separation (where she left and demanded half the money and house -- wonder where her priorities were, eh?), finding a relationship with my Creator, getting back together with the wife, and then having her leave again for greener pastures (and again demanding half of this and that, because "it's my right"...oye vay...), I came to the conclusion that it was as I had originally thought, only worse.

Now sometimes people get miffed when I say "different people have different levels of commitment and attachment", but really I'm not trying to step on toes. I'm not at all saying that a person's level of commitment and attachment is solely dependent on whatever they themselves feel -- often times it's largely based on what their spouse has done or said -- nor am I saying that those levels are set forever or reflect whatever sentiments happen to be circulating in the relationship.

Example: A person gets the feeling their spouse is cheating but doesn't have any real proof; do they wait until they get real proof to be suspicious, or does suspicion often come first? For most, even though no cheating may have actually happened and the relationship is still faithful, the suspicion can pop up from relatively nothing, and one person can start becoming detached and less committed based solely on that suspicion. How many divorces have grown out of this very simple and basic example? Tens of thousands every year, probably more.

We live in a culture where a lot of girls "know" that the courts will most often side with them and be generous with them, and as a result many girls grow up to become women emboldened with this feeling of "I'm entitled to a great marriage or I'll be entitled to everything else". I could go off on a side rant here about the MANY factors that help develop this sense of entitlement, but I'll save that for another time. But this sense of "entitlement" -- the thought that "I deserve _____" -- really only helps make a person more detached and less committed before the marriage really even starts. After all, "there's always more fish in the sea", right?

Fact is, most of our grandparents would like to blister our butts for even considering such a horrible and devastating thing like divorce. Then they'd blister our butts again for being such childish and immature people as to treat our spouses in such a way that they'd consider divorce too. As a generation, we don't really treat people right anymore, and that's something that we each individually need to change. Do we think that God would say such a thing to us as "Love your neighbor as yourself" without desiring us to love our spouse even more so? Ephesians 5:15-33 (link at bottom) should spell things out clearly for all of us, if WE -- yes, WE -- would just be mature enough to let God teach us.

Hope this helps!

In His service, and yours,
jason

Answer 4

It isn't just the women taking everything anymore. Divorces are always painful, you put years into the relationship just for it to end or like you said one person walks away with everything.

Answer 5

I got married 6 months after I graduated HS and divorced 6 months later, not because of the usual reasons, save one my spouse was the abusive one.(yes women can be abusers too)
Divorces are expensive, nasty and both parties get hurt in the process,physically, mentally and emotionally draining (and yes I want to get married again)

Answer 6

it was painful for the kids, so in that sense it was painful for me. i really don't know if it was painful for him, but it was a mutual decision. and the woman doesn't always get everything, the court often awards the woman more if she has dependant children. in my case i didn't ask for anything, and didn't receive child maintenance, it wasn't mandatory back when i divorced. and double d in regard to your answer i disagree that there is two sides, there is three, his, hers and the truth.

Answer 7

Theres 2 sides to every story but it sucks been there twice and all I can say is pull yourself up and move on life don't stop because of it it just sucks for a while

Answer 8

Been through 2 and if you think it's a bowl of cherries you are wrong! The one with the kids is awarded support for the children. That doesn't mean they get it!

Answer 9

My divorce wasn't painful cos I was the one who wanted it.
All I left with was a TV (the small one outa the bedroom), a clothes dryer, my clothes and my car (which I had paid for anyway)
He got the rest and I was happy for him to have it as long as he left me alone!

P.S. He came and took the TV back too!!!

Answer 10

I've been through it and the only thing I wanted out of the ex was child support to help raise our children. Nowdays, men get custody and sue too.