Can I save my marriage.?

Question

My wife asked me for a divorce because she found out that I was emailing old girlfriends. She called each of them and they told her nothing was going on and I said nothing inappropiate in the emails. My wife is pregnant and she still wants a divorce. I got angry with her, because I feel like she was never really my friend and I could not talk to her so I talked to friends. I recently found out that she cheated on me while we were dating, I did too, but now I think of her as a liar. Do you think she shoud divorce me over some emails? Is there more to it, I should have not tried to turn it around and make it her fault, but I feel like she is to blame for my actions. Why does she want to leave me? This sounds crazy I know but I want to be honest and I am running out of space. Help.

Answer 1

I couldn't go on reading all the answers you received!! What is wrong with you people??? I personally believe in LOVE! If you love her (which I think you do) talk to her. Make her understand and try your best to convince her that those e-mails were nothing! Don't forget that being pregnant can change you behaviour and you get very emotional. I think your wife needs support and love. Give it a chance, you have a baby on the way. Other people would kill for that. Cheating in the past is in the PAST. Get real!! People do make mistakes and marriages are filled with problems. If you REALLY love each other you will get over this. I hope 2008 will be filled with love for you. God bless you!! x x x

Answer 2

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Dl94N

Answer 3

what a prize you are! you are the only one to blame for your actions. you both cheated when you were dating, but she's the liar? you need to grow up & accept some responsibility, pal! how old are you, 5? i would have thought the emails were the last straw for her; by the sound of it she's had to put up with all sorts of crap from you. i think she's better off out of it. diane.

Answer 4

I read your profile and from what I gathered you are a Christian. I am going to tell you what God and Jesus says about divorce and remarriage. I will also have links below to give you support in your situation.

My question to you is this....are you both covenant spouses? My answer below will explain why I asked this question....

If the both of you are covenant spouses, then please be made aware that there are no biblical grounds for divorce, period. Everyone keeps commenting on that "exception clause"...except for adultery or marital unfaithfulness. That is a mistranslation and the correct word is fornication.

I discovered thru my research that scholars claim that exception clause refers to the Jewish espousage period when Jewish couples, such as Mary and Joseph, were engaged/married but had not consummated the marriage yet. They have to wait one year before consummating the marriage. If one of the parties was discovered having sex with someone else, the guilty party was stoned to death thus releasing the innocent party from the engagement. I have also discovered that a Greek scholar, Tischendorf, traced the Greek manuscripts and not once was the exception clause in the original Greek manuscripts. The exception clause was added into the bible in the 15th century.

Now that being said, God made marriage for life until death. He specifically said that He hates divorce. Jesus specifically said that remarriage is adultery. The only time anyone can marry again is if their covenant spouse is dead. And only then can they marry someone who has never married before or is a widow/widower.

So what does this mean for the person who is divorced from their covenant spouse and remarried to a non-covenant spouse? It means they need to repent and give up that marriage. The same goes for a single people who married a divorced person that left a covenant marriage. These people are in "legal adultery"

Mark 10:11-12 (Jesus) He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

Luke 16:18 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery

Since Jesus claims remarriage to a non-covenant spouse is adultery, those in "legal adultery" will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God

The church is totally blinded to what God's truth is about divorce and remarriage. There are alot of pastors saying it is ok to divorce and remarry. They are telling people what they want to hear, not what God's truth is. Satan is taking alot of people to hell with him because of this.
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Please check out Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp. They have a restored marriage after being divorced for about two years. They have a website and send devotionals everyday encouraging men and women to stand for their marriage and their spouse's salvation. Check out their archives.
https://rejoiceministries.org/devotion.php

I highly recommend that you sign up for Doreen's Devotionals called Doreen's Daily Delights.. These are awesome. http://marriagerestorationministries.org/

+++I recommend you contact this group++++Here's another website for people standing for their marriages. They have a men's forum where you can talk to other men standing for their marriages. You might want to contact the moderator of this website. There is chat every Friday night. http://www.faithandmarriage.com/

Check out Jimmy and Karen Evans. They have a weekly tv show that discusses marriage. Their shows are on the internet that you can watch. Jimmy is excellent. Jimmy gives very practical guides on how to have a successful marriage. http://www.marriagetoday.org/

If you want further information regarding divorce and remarriage, check out this link. This person has alot of links to articles and websites regarding divorce and remarriage.
http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html

God Bless!

Answer 5

I Believe that You are In the wrong in this case here, You chose to Be Dishonest You chose to email old girlfriends You Chose to Lie to her about it You Chose to talk to other people and not your wife

You Chose to treat your wife like she doesnt' Matter Not Her.

So Dont' Blame her for your Choices

You saying you found out she cheated on you while you were dating that's wrong but you can't say anything cause You did it too

You Both Need to Grow up Take Responsibility for your actions

There is More to it than the emails

Why not for Once stop thinking about yourself here and think of the child that you concieved together

I mean you can save your marriage yes go to counselling and stop bieng so selfish

You Have a child

Answer 6

So, she cheated and you cheated while dating. Did you guys know about those incidents prior to marriage? And you got married anyway. And now you're going to bring a child into the mix? Tsk Tsk. Was that a joint decision or did she just get pregnant? And does she think it'll be a party being divorced and a single parent? Do you have any clue on that aspect either? Perhaps you ought to consider a "planned miscarriage". You didn't say how long this marriage has been on. Look, she's not understanding about the companionship part of the marriage, so you reached out to the ex's--it's kind of understandable. Her calling them was out of line. It's YOU who she's in a relationship with--not them. I mean, that was a Jerry Springer move for sure. How did she find out? Was she sneaking about the computer? Were you sloppy about keeping this private? Or did you push this in her face? There are a lot of answered questions. You guys have A LOT ot trust issues at hand. That's why she probably wants to leave although she may not realize it.

"I feel like she is to blame for my actions".
Understand this always and forever: WE, ourselves, are responsible for our actions. That would be cheating, lying, getting pregnant etc.
If the marriage is REALLY important to BOTH of you, you will work it out, verbalize & share your needs, and re-avow your commitment. Having this baby will NOT make it better.

Answer 7

first of all, ....are your old girlfriends the only friends you have??? big mistake! do you want her confiding in her old boyfriends??? no you dont!!
...you guys have serious trust issues brought on by your own actions, ,...and shouldve fixed it before she got pregnant!
so get to counseling, not yahoo, cus the last thing the world needs is another child growing up in a broken home!

Answer 8

she's hormonal and your marriage needs help if you're to trust each other -- she needs to trust you to be faithful (and that includes not talking with female friends online), you need to trust her not to overreact and you both need to trust each other to tell the truth. she need to work on listening to you and being your best friend, and you need to stop looking outside the marriage for this type of support.

you both have issues and need to work on the marriage, but it is well worth the effort so you can have a solid and loving relationship and the type of home that every child needs.

I know you can both do this, even if it seems impossibly difficult. Very best of luck.

Answer 9

In marriages it is very easy to point fingers and blame. Both of u were wrong...u can't blame her for your actions...ultimately YOU decided to do what u wanted to do and the same with her. I feel like there are more deeper issues hear. A house cannot stand if the foundation is unstable. What was your relationship built on? Why have you always felt the need to confide in other women? Your wife is jealous because you have cheated in th past. Why do you e-mail old girlfriends? Don't you feel that that, in a way, is disrespecting the woman whom u said "I do" to and the woman who is carrying your child? Both of u are wrong, but u can only control what YOU do...u both have to be willing to make it work. I think u should try to reconcile..if possible. I always say that marriage survices with the 4 C's:
-Christ
-Committment
-Communication &
-Compromise

Hope this helps...please email if u have anymore questions.

Answer 10

As you say your wife is pregnant, she has her hormones all over the place. Are you out of your mind, emailing your ex-gfs? It's not an appropriate gesture for a married man. Have you thought that your wife needs your company? But why bring up the past? That way, you're just digging the skeletons in the closet. Peace to you both!