After finding out that my X girlfriend was pregnant I told her good luck and never looked back. I have paid child support but I have not been in my daughters life. She is five now and I got sober and talked with her mother. She really wants me to get involved and I want to know what the best way to ease into her life would be.
I also have a three year old boy that I do take care of. Due to my meddling mother they have met and know each other. Perhaps that will help with the transition.
Please help if you have any advice.
2007-12-31 12:22:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its never too late to make changes, and do what is right for your children. if the mom wants u in their lives, that is a good sign. just get involved with the child, go there get to know her and all will work out.
2007-12-31 12:29:29 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't drink anymore, but don't spend all your time hanging out in AA meetings. Make yourself some friends outside the program. Believe me on this, I spent 9 years in the program before I figured it out.
Then, spend some of your free time hanging around with your daughter. Take your time and see how it goes. Don't try to do it all at once. Show her you love her. It will all work out. Believe me on this too.
2007-12-31 20:53:57 · answer #2 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your ex gf needs to SLOWLY introduce you into the daughter's life.....first she should just introduce you as mommy's "friend." Do something casual like eating lunch at McDonalds or at the playground. This will give you a chance to just talk, get to know her, let her become somewhat comfortable with you. Then after about 6 of those playdates, it would be great if your ex would start letting those playdates become a regular weekly thing. It can become something your daughter looks forward to. Then when you and your ex feel like the daughter is comfortable with you, perhaps you can babysit her alone. She will look at you as mom's friend and her babysitter - but you'll be someone she can trust to take care of her. Then, when her MOTHER thinks it's right, she can tell your daughter that you are her father. She has to be VERY careful and sensitive with how she tells her. I would suggest that she speak to your daughter alone at first but that you be on hand in case she has questions or would like to talk to you. Be ready for those questions....like "why did you leave us?"
Your mother needs to keep her meddling nose out of it. The situation is complicated enough as it is without her involved. It's none of her business!
2007-12-31 20:49:38 · answer #3 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husban did this to my daughter he visited her up untill her fifth b-day and on that day he called to say he would be late i complained because it was going to be midnite before she could go to sleep as he lived 3 and a half hrs away. Well he never came back he actually later moved out of the state and on thanksgiving of this yr got back in touch with her she is now 7 Four to 7 is awhile!!! and this did hurt her it will not be easy she couldn't even talk to him on the phone and could only chat online with him because she was actually afraid of her own dad ! because this tramatized her i think being she was older Things are much better now. Just remeber you made a mistake you fkd up bad but havn't completed that mistake going any longer without her would be worst!! you need to thankGod for her and get in her life asap hopefully you already know you will stay sober and never do this again!!!!You could send her some gifts in the mail first then call be in her life slowly.Send pictures ect rite her a letter.
2007-12-31 20:45:55 · answer #4 · answered by poo~poo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, honey, better late than never. I'm glad to see that you got sober and realized what you did was wrong, but from an outsider's point of view, having a messed up parent around is actually worse than not having one around. So it's time to let go of the guilt. Don't say mistake, chalk it up as a learning experience.
As for your daughter, I would take baby steps. Even though it may include seeing the ex again, you are going to have to do it. Trips to the park, short visits to her house, etc. I know it'll be awkward, but it's not about you right now. this is about your daughter and an opportunity for her to get to know her dad. And here's something else you should know: Kids at this age, easily trust, are eager to please and they adjust to change better than we expect them to. Sure you may go through a few bad spells, but be consistant, follow her lead and you can't go wrong.
And I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but it's nice to see someone doing the right thing for a change. Too many times we are so quick to run in the other direction when things are hard. You are a brave man, and I wish you well.
2007-12-31 20:44:06 · answer #5 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't ease-in. Be the man. Take charge of your post. Make an appointment, introduce yourself to the girl (she is only 5, don't expect too much) and explain that you are her father.
Girls need to worship their fathers, so show the flag, be strong and do not allow her to manipulate you, as girls tend to do, probing for weakness.
A man is the closest thing to God that women and children will find on this earth. A heavy responsibility.
There is a way to deal with having messed up. Admit it. Take responsibility for it. Own it. Fix it as best you can. Move on. Thus is completion accomplished.
We all mess up and are embarassed by our actions. That's human. A man stays in the game.
And may The Force be with you my Friend.
2007-12-31 20:40:06 · answer #6 · answered by who WAS #1? 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well all you can do now is start to get to know your daughter. If that is really what YOU want to do. Don't just do it because someone else wants you to...that would not be fair to any of you.
If you are serious about being in your daughters life, then do it! Talk is cheap, you have to get to know her, be honest with her always, and just be yourself. There is no best way to ease into any ones life...you just have to take that very hard first step and do it. Then take things from there one day at a time. Don't worry, it will get easier and easier....but, like i said before, YOU have to want this, don't do it for the mom's or for your mom....only do it if it is what you really really want. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and it is not fair to the kids. They are better off without you, if you are doing this to please someone else. Good Luck!
2007-12-31 20:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by April B. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you were a selfish so n so and now that you have a clear head nothing else matters but being a father.
AND NOW GO LIVE UP TO IT !!!!
SAY OR MAKE NO PROMISES AND LIVE LIKE A REAL MAN WOULD IN ''ACTION''!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-31 20:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know how fortunate you are?
Your ex wants you in your daughters life and your mom wants both of her grandchildren in her life!
Tell your daughter who you are and start being her dad.
2007-12-31 20:34:51 · answer #9 · answered by braves squaw 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thank goodness you have a meddling mother :-)
I'm so happy to hear that you are interested in becoming a real parent to your children. That is great news!
It is also great news that the 5 yr old's mom wants you involved. I think the best way to approach is this to ask advice from the 5 yr old's mom about how she would like you to proceed.
Best of luck! I know your kids will love having you around.
2007-12-31 20:32:14 · answer #10 · answered by krinkn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋