Trying to leave abusive husband.. advice??

Question

I've been married to my husband for 6 years, with him for 10. After we got married he became very abusive. Before we married he was verbal abusive and that should have been a warning. He's physical daily. He'll even beat me infront of our 2 young children. He doesn't hit them but he shows them it's ok to hit me. It's a new year and I'm planning on leaving but I think it's impossible. I signed a prenup because he's a very successful business man. We have a lot of money but he made it all. I married when I was 18, my highest level of education is high school. I have no job and no education because he wanted me to stay home to raise our children. Now when I think about it, I think it's because he didn't want me to account to nothing. I don't have access to the money, he gives me a weekly allowance but it's mostly for groceries and things for the kids. I have managed to save a couple thousand over the months. I have no family here in New York. Can anyone help me?

Answer 1

Run! Run as fast as you can but with a plan. I say this because I was in an abusive marriage. And I am also one of those women who said that they would never end up in that type of relationship or deal with a man that was abusive. But until you have been in that situation is not wise to judge others. I was abused verbally and physically, in front of my step children and our biological son. I kept going back time and time again, until one day I got down on my knees and prayed like I had never prayed before. I have always believed in God, and at times didn't acknowledge him. But he answered my prayers. Not the way I would have like, but what was best for me. I have little family here in Chicago, and even they were not and are not there completely. This is something you will have to do on your own for yourself and children. I kept asking God, if it wasn't meant to be, to take me away from him, somehow, someway. I had lost my before this, but God blessed me with a job making decent money. That was the first step. Then one week after starting my job, I found that my husband had not paid our rent in two months and I received an eviction notice. I tried to make arrangements for the rent but it didn't happen. Low and behold I received something in the mail from people that help with evictions. They helped me by paying them one month of my rent and got me four months rent free to save time on finding a new place. I did, and out of no where I had the courage and strength to tell my husband that I found a place and he couldn't come with me. It came time to move and I was in my new place and my husband called me on my cell to ask me what I was doing and I told him I was setting up my furniture. He shocked that I had moved my things and the kids without his help. But the biggest thing was, I moved and he had no idea where I lived. He wanted to know how he would see his kids if he didn't know where I lived. I told him we would meet...this went on for months. Then one day my husband called and said he wanted to do right and come home to be a family. My victory came when I told him NO. It may sound wrong, but I was proud of myself. Proud that I stood up to him. I will say it is hard being alone and a single parent now...and I mean a single parent doing everything on my own. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around, and comes around twice as hard. And all the heartache my husband caused has now come back on him...he is now incarcerated for being with the wrong people at the wrong times. I sympathize for him, so I am not totally coldhearted, and I grieve because my kids are missing there father. But it would be a lot worse if I had stayed and put up with the abuse...I could even be dead.

I wish you the best and I will be praying for you.

Answer 2

Things to consider: * You are not screwed. As long as you're able and well and you have your children with you, there will always be a chance to make your life better and give you strength to divorce your abusive spouse * Stop imagining of the good life. Make it happen! * Discreetly plan your independence. Give yourself a week or two to arrange the terms where you will live once you leave, borrow money if possible, and find a trustworthy friend or person who can help you deal with the difficulties of moving out * Leave your husband without warning, bring your children, and move to a different county or state, if possible * From here, take up menial jobs and save up money and develop a work experience that should help you in the long run. Most importantly, it will help build self-worth and confidence necessary to get through life *Find support groups that could help you with your problems and provide you work opportunities for spouses who have suffered abusive from their partners.

Answer 3

Go and watch Diary of a mad black women. Same similarities, just different people. If you don't find that you are your strenght and all you need is you. There other great mens out there. You don't have to go through the abuse.

Answer 4

Go to a woman's shelter and tell them about this. You will need to get an attorney and your husband will have to pay for it. Get a restraining order, but if he is so abusive you need to go somewhere that he doesn't know about.

Answer 5

I don't know anything about the laws in New York, but there should be a hot-line number for abuse in your area. Find it and Call them and seek THEIR advice. They can help you get you and your children SAFE. There are probably abuse shelters, you can go to if you are in fear of your life. It seems logical that because of the abuse, their might be a loophole in the prenuptial agreement. That should be secondary to you right now. First you need to get out with you children and get all of you safe.
Here is a little advice I learned when I called a hot-line when I was in an abusive relationship. You need an emergency bag packed and ready to go, you never know when you will need to go to stay alive. Keep it somewhere where your husband CANNOT find it. Include birth certificates for yourself and the children and important legal documents, like that prenup you talk about in it, along with any personal mementos you cannot live with out. put keys of importance in it too and pack a couple days clothes for every one and if anyone has prescription meds they cannot live with out...make sure a couple days supply is in the bag. keep emergency numbers inside the bag so you will have them if you have to escape in a hurry.
Because I have been in an abusive relationship, I understand what you are feeling and although it is hard to believe sometimes, leaving is the ONLY option you have. Good luck.

Answer 6

you cant put a price tag to many things in life and having you kids grow up in this kind of environment because of your fear to get up, leave and achieve something for your self because of you husbands bank account is ridiculous. if you need to get on PA and go to school to better your life and you kids so be it in the end it will pay of and besides you need to invest in retirement and all other benefits that will help you latter on in life. just remember that you are not 18 anymore and you can not get back what was taken from you but you can have control over your life and direct it where ever you set your mind to do best of wishes

Answer 7

Once he becomes abusive, the prenup is no longer valid. You can take him to court, get full custody of your children and get half of his money.

Answer 8

Courts can overturn prenups when things like this occur. It was very calculating on his part and a court will see that. You need to have him arrested and get a restraining order against him while he is out. Have the locks changed. Clean out bank accounts. You will get PLENTY of child support from him. He can't stop that. It is calculated based on both parents income. The fact that you don't have an income and not much earning potential because of no education, and the lifestyle he has made you accustomed to WILL cause him to have to fork out plenty to take care of you. Contact an attorney. You will need pictures, video would be great!!!!!!! Hang his sorry butt.

Answer 9

Where is your family? On the day he gives you the grocery money. Get in the car w/ the kids and drive to where ever your family is.

Make a decision, New Year.... why wait. Wait until your children learn that its ok to hit women? Wait until he does permanent damage? It won't get better.

Call a lawyer, get child support and alimony. Live where your family is.

My child, who is still a twinkle in my eye, may be a girl, I don't want 2 more guys around who thinks its ok to hit women.

Answer 10

take pictures and call the police. put him in jail, embarass him, and get his money. at the very least take pictures to bring with you to divorce court. things like that can cause prenups to change...