My parents haven't always been like this, but it drives me crazy, I know this isn't right.
It's basically my dad. He makes my mom feel really bad..by always telling her what she is doing wrong, and making her feel stupid. They only get along when it's convenient for HIM.
Some may say it's just a mid-life crisis, but isn't that usually when the mother goes nuts? I feel so bad for her because she just tries to defend herself, and she looks miserable.
I was talking to her and she said that if they got a divorce, they would have to never see each other because he DOES love him, and it would hurt.
My dad isn't a bad person..he just grew up in a different culture and he does things differently. My mom tells me he was not like this when she first met him. He was always patient and happy. Now he is occasionally like that. He is VERY unreasonable and impatient.
They have been married about 20 years.
What can I do about this?
2007-12-31 10:38:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i meant "She" does love him not "he"
2007-12-31 10:39:12 · update #1
Sorry to hear that but unfortunately the only thing you can really do is be supportive of your Mom. Let her know that you believe she deserves to be happy and that you would understand if she decided to divorce him.
You could try talking to Dad about how bad it makes you feel for you to see her unhappy because of the way he treats her. MEN are STUBBORN but it's worth a try.
Good Luck & God Bless!
2007-12-31 10:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by THIC007 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there come times when you cant help your friends or parents too and this is one of those times. Sometimes adults,with time just grow apart,like friends do and you cant stop them no matter how much and hard you try,nothing works. Even as professionalin inter-personal relations,we cant save all relationships because we just dont live in a perfect world. What your dad is doing constitutes emotional abuse and its destroying your mom. Even though she loves him greatly, she cant change him back to what he was, none of us can. There probably is something bothering your dad, which he probably wont discuss with anyone, that hes taking out on your mom. Sometimes a problematic marriage can only be solved by seperating the 2 spouses like in a dvorce to keep things from escalating into something really bad. This marriage may be one of those relationships. Marriage counseling might help but only if both want to save the marriage and enter the counseling voluntarily and with a open mind and heart. Im afraid your dad wont agree to this so divorce maty be the only answer but only they can decide that. You can be there for both of them and tell them you dont like it but dont try to persuade each other into staying because from experience itll backfire on you and then youll feel sorry and have lots of regrets. You have good intentions but this is one of those areas where Angels fear to tread so be there when they need you and pray to God for the best and that they remain friends thru this. Good luck
2007-12-31 18:59:01 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best of marriages can end when one or the other party becomes unreasonable. I know I couldn't love someone who put me down all the time, and Lord help him if he tried to make me feel stupid. I'd think myself stupid for staying.
He may be having early onset Alzheimers, they can get very nasty with that, but basically he sound like he could be having a midlife crisis, the kind that leads to affairs and red convertibles.
There isn't much you can do except be supportive for your mum. And ask that your dad not do that when you are around as it upsets you to hear him disrespect her that way.
2007-12-31 18:55:12 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not for you to fix. It is their relationship, not yours.
2007-12-31 18:54:23 · answer #4 · answered by tinman 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No-- mid life crisis includes both genders. I would take your Dad on the side and ask him to be nice to your Mom-tell him it makes you feel bad when he mistreats her! I hope things work out for them and you . Happy New Year!
2007-12-31 18:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let them live there life that way. Soon you will be out on your own.Learn from them.Think of making yourself happy more.They really love each other. They learn to cope with one other so must you
2007-12-31 18:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by swthrt474 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You could suggest to them that they could go to marriage counseling. If that doesn't work, just spend some extra time with your mom. It could be what she needs right now. If you have some quality time with her, that could make her very happy when she's down in the dumps. As for your dad, I don't think he can change much because he was raised in a different culture, but maybe you could spend time with him as well, to maybe calm him down.
2007-12-31 18:45:24 · answer #7 · answered by audrey! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋