How do I explain this to an severely autistic person?

Question

I need an EXPERT on this please. I used to hang with an autistic person and he got a little attached to me (i.e. love) andwhen I explained, politely, that we are not meant to be, he was ok with it until a few days later, when he went on a rampage and hated it. Recently, he has decided to "forgive" me and hangs with my sister the librarian because he has nothing to do. After we had a mall trip with him, he expressed his love feelings again and has been constantly emailing me daily and wouldn't understand the need for space, no matter how many times I express this wish. I know that he has no sense of boundaries and things, but when I gently point out that I need time alone and that I do not like him as a boyfriend, he doesn't understand. He says he wants to share space with the people he love. I don't want to be rude to him or cause any period of time of which he hates me. Others have told me that he is not acting what an autistic person should act like and he is going out of bounds.

Answer 1

No matter what you do, he is not going to come to an understanding of what you're trying to tell him, so you should go to his social worker, his family, and others in his life and enlist their aid. Tell them what you told us. Next, work out some reasonable boundaries and stick to them. It will be rough on both of you, and there will be times when he "hates" you, but do not give in. Some boundaries you should establish: whenis it proper to call you, how many emails can he send you, what types of outings you will go on together, and what do you mean when you say together. He's autistic, not stupid. He lives in a world which is slightly or grossly distorted by his senses and his interpretations of his sensory input, so you must be consistent, as kind and understanding as you can, and be prepared to do it over and over until he has a firm grasp of what you're saying and doing. Good luck and God bless--it ain't easy, he could be my brother.

Answer 2

He doesn't sound like any autistic person I've ever heard of. He sounds like maybe he has Asperger's syndrome or some other mental condition. Asperger's can take many forms - usually they also have no real concept of boundaries, and can become enraged when things don't go their way. Not all of their emotions work, but some work just fine. It sounds to me like he has developed a fixation with you, and that you will need to remind him each time he "forgets" that you do not like him as a boyfriend. Reassure him that you like him as a friend, and leave it at that - definitely do not go out of your way to see him (in fact, it's probably better if you avoid him when possible).

Do be careful. Many Asperger's people don't have the same sort of conscience that regular folks do - they really don't understand why they can't have what they want all the time; this can cause them to become aggressive or hostile.