My Mother in Law is being possesive over my un born Baby.?

Question

I'ved been married to my husband for almost 3 months. I am 6 months pregnant. ever since we told his Step Mother that I am pregnant she has been calling it "her baby". she raised my husband since he was 4 and she has never been able to have any children of her own. She has been trying to take over my experience of being pregnant and having a baby. She doesnt understand what I go through with my pregnancy etc. And his step mom and dad are well off...and she has already started buying baby stuff. At first I thought she was doing what a normal grandmother would do, buy us things for our( my husbands and mine's) baby. But she is keeping it at her house. She bought a brand new baby crib, expensive bedding, expensive baby clothes spoons, bibs, pacifiers etc. She told me I have to pump her enough breast milk to feed "her" baby while its at her house. She wants to be there when I give birth and I dont want her to be. I dont mind her visiting with my baby, but I am the mother. What should I Do?

Answer 1

Wow, that's really frightening. Have your husband talk with his father, who needs to talk with his wife. If she continues this behavior, I would get a restraining order against her. That's obviously the last resort, but her behavior is dangerous for you and your baby.

I would make sure your husband and father-in-law take care of this for you, just to keep you away from her and away from the stress of the situation until your step-mother-in-law can openly accept the way things will be.

If I were you, I'd be afraid of this woman kidnapping my baby. You shouldn't let her be at the birth with you. You shouldn't let her visit at the hospital either. I would also make your father-in-law remove all of the baby care items and get rid of them. If she's crazy enough to think this is her baby, giving the items to you might not work well. She might continue thinking that the baby is really hers and just go nuts trying to get the baby.

This is truly frightening. I would also demand that she receive therapy. She needs to know that if her behavior continues, there will be a restraining order placed against her. She needs to know that this is serious and that this is NOT her baby.

Answer 2

my MIL was like that too the whole time i was pregnant. and quite frankly is ticked me off to the extreme. we needed stuff, since obviously the baby was living with us at our house. and she would go an buy everything we said we needed/wanted, and told us it was staying at her house for when the baby stayed there.

the only difference was she didnt want me to breastfeed because she wanted the bond with my son being bottle fed!

i finally got so ticked off one day i told her how i felt. i told her it was my son, i was raising him the way i wanted, if she didnt like it she didnt have to be in his life. she wasnt going to run my life, nor my sons, she could give her opinions and wishes and id take them into consideration, but i wasnt bowing down to her every wine & wimper.

just tell her & ur husband how you feel.

good luck

Answer 3

Tell her, or have your husband tell her that she is welcome to be in the waiting room when the baby is born, but that your husband is the only one that is allowed in the room when you give birth. She is excited about being a grandma, but she needs to realize that there are going to be boundaries, like she cannot just come over when she feels like it.

Answer 4

Well, that is possesive, remember that she is really excited, esspecially because she never had kids of her own. I think its great that her house will be baby proof and you will have a place to put baby for naps and stuff when you visit.
I would try to take it with a grain of salt, is it possible that she is somewhat joking in a not so funny way? I know, you probably wouldnt be asking if you thought she was joking but still could she be trying to joke?
As far as the breastmilk, I would simply say well this is what we have planned..... and tell her how its gonna be. Sometimes you will have to say "Hey, this is what we have decided to do" and stick to your guns, she may take offense at first but eventually she will back off. Try to let the "her" baby comments roll off your shoulder but if you cant, try to make a joke out of it and say something back like, I'm sorry did you have to push her out?
Tell her that you want her at the hospital but as far as the delivery, you just dont feel comfortable with other people in there taking a look at your who who while pushing out a baby. and you would prefer her to be in the waiting room instead.

Dont be afraid to be assertive, you will have to assert yourself for the rest of your childs life and you might as well get some practice with her to start with

Answer 5

Relax.

First of all, it's not like you live with them. Second, my mother in law bought all those kinds of baby things and kept them at her house--great! Less for us to pack when we go visit. Although I could do without the ugly Christmas sweaters.

Obviously, who you have inside the delivery room is up to you. Your midwife can make sure that no one is inside unless you want them to be.

I would let it lie, for now, she sounds really enthusiastic, which is great, because you might need a sitter every once in a while. One more person to love your baby isn't bad.

As long as you know what you want for your baby then just let everything else slide. It is her grandbaby too, although you are the mom and you make the rules. There's no sense in burning a bridge right now. Have your husband bring it up, while you can remain out of the fray--there's no need to be mean, just let it go. YOU know you're the mom, everyone else can think and feel whatever they want.

Answer 6

A lot of times when ppl say something is their's especially when it comes to a baby I don't think they mean it literally. Talk to her and tell her how you feel matter of fact have your husband talk to her. She is just excited blow her off.

Answer 7

You need to tell your hubby how you feel and have him talk to her since she is his stepmom. You have the right to feel this way...your mother-in-law sounds kinda crazy and over bearing. Your hubby needs to tell her to backoff in the nice way at first and if she doesn't listen and stop the way she's acting.... than you will have to be rude about it. THIS IS YOUR BABY NOT HERS!!!

Plus, if you do not want her in the delivery room than tell her....and, tell the nursing staff the same thing....let them be the bad guys. The nursing staff, doctors, and hospital will be on your side when it comes to your wishes of what you want while delivering your baby. Good luck sweetie!!!

Answer 8

be nice about it, but tell her how you are feeling. Every grandparent calls the baby theirs but she might actually be thinking that. I'd have a talk with her now before the baby comes. As far as the hospital goes, it is your labor and YOU get to decide who is there. If you feel uncomfortable telling her you don't want her there, then tell her that the hospital only lets one person in the delivery room and that will be your husband. I'm sure if it is a problem, the nurses will back you up. Tell her that she has to wait in the waiting room.
My MIL is a little like this too. She has actually taken our little girl away from my hubby so that she can hold her. You just have to do what is right for you and your baby and tell her how you feel. She might not like it at first, but she might respect you more for it.

Answer 9

Set the limits now! Have a talk with hubby so you two can be on the same page. But it is up to you two to decide who watches baby and when.
And for the labor - let hospital staff know who you want in the room, and whom you don't - they will help you with that.
As for breastfeeding - yay mama! Keep in mind that baby should not be taking a bottle until 4-6 weeks old, after latch and supply are well established.

Answer 10

That sounds really crazy. You have to put your foot down and you have to make sure your husband backs you up. Make it clear that you two are the parents now, you can't be pushed around by his parents. It's a hard transition for parents under normal circumstances, but this sounds over the top. I would try to deal with it before the baby comes so there's not any fighting later when you are sleep deprived and too busy taking care of the baby.