I have made two many mistakes in my marriage what should i do?

Question

My Wife of 4 years is driving me up the wall. I want to leave bad to be on my own and not because i met someone I just want to be free of her. I am only 26 I care for her but I have put her through hell and I don't think there is any going back or making it work. I have cheated and lied, wait she has too. We have split up and got back togeather to many times to count and now when we fight she has started hitting me. Now by no means is she hurting me I am well trained and in the army so she really isn't hurting me it just scares me. I take the blame for the way she acts but I have had enough and I am not afraid of moving on anymore. The fighting is starting to affect my Two young girls too. We are both good parents this only seems to be bad when we are together. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

yeah we did the sit down and talk and the army did provide the cousling but nothing seems to be working and I even went on meds and saw a shrink who told me I was not angry but I did have ptsd and I stop seeing my friends i stoped drinking and I tried but I still hate her *** most days and when I said I was leaving she blew me off and when she saw the apartment guide that I was looking at online I got a hit on for about 15 mins.

Answer 1

go to her, tell her that whatever it takes u are willing to do it to save the marriage, tell her your willing to change anything she doesn't like, and than don't react when she gets nasty, if u both are to blame for this, both have to work on it. just tell her whatever it takes u are willing to do it to save the marriage. when all said and done there is nothing nice about divorce, and think of the children, how it will hurt them. if u say this to her she won't have anything at all to argue about, than make sure u keep all promises.

Answer 2

Whether or not she is able to do physical harm to you, it is abuse. Number one, tell her everything you just wrote hear. If you've already said it before, say it again. You obviously love this woman, but your getting feed up. You can only change yourself, so try reacting differently to how you react to her. If she's hitting you ... walk out of the house. If she's yelling, take her hands, build her tightly into a hug close your eyes and (I don't know if you believe in God or not) and pray. That would shock her and maybe have her listening to what your saying. It sounds like it's been a long and hard battle, but the wars not over yet.

Best wishes, hope everything works out

Answer 3

I've never been in the military, but I lived under a foster dad who was in the Marines in the '50's and 60's. He was an alcoholic and she was apparently frigid (and one or both of them barren) as most of the fighting they did seemed to center around either him not gettin none, or why yet another kid they had come to love had to be taken away. He drank when he was faithful cause he wasn't gettin any, he drank when he was ho-hoppin cause he felt guilty, he drank when a kid was leaving. But, man, the times when he didn't drink, when they got along, when nobody was going - man, those were the best! That's what I use. I take all the best days that I remember and offer them to my children and wife. I don't drink, or ho-hop, I get it when I can and understand when I can't. I don't want my kids in fostercare and I sure don't want no second-hand Sam around them if I leave. When she hits, I hold. When she struggles, I tighten my hug. And, when we make up, I make her scream with delight.
How a man handles a woman can make her kill him, or make her kill her own kids and herself. How a real man handles a woman can make her raise her kids to adulthood and live to a ripe old age.
You're in the military. You're supposed to be double the man I am. So, be the man you are. Don't take the easy way out cause the easiest thing to do is to quit, to leave, to give up your kids.
They say, When the going gets tough, the tough get going - not to encourage you to leave, but to encourage you to fight. Fight not with your fists, not with your lawyers, not with your harsh words and evil ways, but with your love, understanding, the strength only a father has, and the courage of a real man.

Be that man, son.

Answer 4

Grow up and be a man. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Your children didn't ask to be here. Youwill have to work on a marriage forever.

Do you want some other man to raise your kids and have a close relationship with them. You better grow up before someone takes you shoes and lays their hat where yours is now.

Answer 5

Children And Divorce


No. 1; Updated July 2004

One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children. During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in their children's lives.

While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved and what will happen to them.

Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their mother and father. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their parents back together, sometimes by sacrificing themselves. Vulnerability to both physical and mental illnesses can originate in the traumatic loss of one or both parents through divorce. With care and attention, however, a family's strengths can be mobilized during a divorce, and children can be helped to deal constructively with the resolution of parental conflict.

Talking to children about a divorce is difficult. The following tips can help both the child and parents with the challenge and stress of these conversations:

Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute.
Tell your child together.
Keep things simple and straight-forward.
Tell them the divorce is not their fault.
Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone.
Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the child.
Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may react to divorce by becoming more aggressive and uncooperative or withdrawing. Older children may feel deep sadness and loss. Their schoolwork may suffer and behavior problems are common. As teenagers and adults, children of divorce can have trouble with their own relationships and experience problems with self-esteem.

Children will do best if they know that their mother and father will still be their parents and remain involved with them even though the marriage is ending and the parents won't live together. Long custody disputes or pressure on a child to "choose" sides can be particularly harmful for the youngster and can add to the damage of the divorce. Research shows that children do best when parents can cooperate on behalf of the child.

Parents' ongoing commitment to the child's well-being is vital. If a child shows signs of distress, the family doctor or pediatrician can refer the parents to a child and adolescent psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment. In addition, the child and adolescent psychiatrist can meet with the parents to help them learn how to make the strain of the divorce easier on the entire family. Psychotherapy for the children of a divorce, and the divorcing parents, can be helpful.

Answer 6

If you have had enough and you're not afraid of moving on, then do so. If you are truly all out of love, and you need out, then go. Think about your daughters. What is best for them? Should they stay in their home, will you, will wife leave, should they leave with you? Who is the better parent? Don't leave the girls behind, if you think she is hitting them, or if she is blaming them for the failure of the marriage. Get help. Talk to your parents or siblings and get some advice from people that know you and your daughters. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Its obvious that there is no respect at all and the worst is when you or your partner cheat because you can never trust eachother again no matter how many times you try. So the best thing to do in this case is to get out because honestly it dosen't matter if there is love because without trust..there is nothing!

Answer 8

First off, good parents don't cheat on the other parent. Either of you. Too bad you didn't come to this conclusion before you had the two little ones. They're the ones who will suffer.

Answer 9

I don't answer very many of these, but geee, this is about formula for our failure as public school teachers....
And I hope this helps.

I'm sure the fighting is affecting your children!!!! They are quickly learning that this behavior is acceptable in parents, and as well teaching them that it is okay for them not only to do this, but to take it, sending it all into the next generation. (Each of your own parents probably negotiated differences poorly, or not at all, right???)

But before I tell you to bail, and call it quits, remember something.... your children never asked to be born. As well, neither of you really planned to have those kids. (Two children in 4 years are two hits, big time on your bond of love and caring) and in part, that is not your fault. We in public education send you guys out into the world with all sorts of myths in your head... "Oh, my, we are having a baaayyyyybeeeee ( in your case twice) and ain't it wunnerful,???" and of course, it isn't. Children are not bonding in a marriage, they are divisive---just one more thing to argue over. (And will cost the two of you $250,000 each to age 18, and that is with nothing special... no private music lessons if either of them shows interest or talent, no art lessons, no symphony tickets, no special visits to great museums, no tours of Washington DC, no trips to anywhere outside this country, no braces, not summer camp...no nothing, just the bare essentials.... a full belly, a tv, rap music, and dope in hs.) We as well, never helped you learn how to shop for a spouse, taught you how to parent, and for sure never instructed you on how to communicate your differences without resentment and RAGE as you fully admit here. We in public education have failed you, your wife, your marriage, and now, your children. And for that, I am sooooo, soo, sooo, sorry.

But it IS you fault if you two do not get help...even if in the end you choose not to stay together... Because, hon, if you are treating this woman this way, you will treat others the same way, and further, you will pick the same sort of lady next time....And all of this goes for her as well, and for your children, too.

You have admitted here that you have each betrayed your partner, and betrayal is for sure the ultimate deal buster in marriage. And right now, you, and she really don't have one. Marriage, for sure is Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust--the four biggies----but the trust is gone, and there is likely little of the other three left. However, you owe it to your children to get into counseling. (If there were no children, I'd tell you that you were wasting your time, and so was she.... bail, but being very pro-child, and believing that EVERY child deserves a family that functions in a loving environment, I'm recommending counseling. If your carefully chosen counselor tells you it's probably useless, then, yep, it probably is over.)
(Psssssssst---that you are "both good parents"????---- you can't be a good parent, or any parent at all if you are not together, so get that one out of your head. Right now, all she was was the egg donor and 'rent a womb', and all you were was the sperm donor... you are neither of you, 'good parents'!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Get into counseling, hon. If after several sessions, if it looks hopeless for this marriage, then end it... But stay in counseling, so you don't make the same mistakes next time.

Hope this was an eye opener. This is a "preview of coming attraction" with your counselor..something we in public education left out.... I'm so sorry.

I hope you share this with your wife, and I hope you give your marriage a chance to heal. It didn't come apart overnight, so it won't heal overnight either.....

Good luck, hon.

Answer 10

Good parents are ya? THINK AGAIN! You both have shown a lack of responsibility and failed to recognize that consequences affect more than one person when you make a mistake. I bet at the time it wasnt a mistake but thats just a selfish thing to do. Hope your kids grow up and see what a pair of losers you both are - people like you should not be allowed to breed