My best friend recently confessed to me that when she was a teenager, she had an incestuous relationship with her brother. I really care about her and I know that her telling me this was really difficult for her, and that she was trying to unload a lot of her pain on to me. But I can't help being disgusted by her now! Every time I see her I feel repulsed and ashamed. Can you help me get over this so I can keep on being friends with her?
2007-12-31 07:15:37 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
First, you are doing good by realizing that this is your problem and not hers. She has obviulsy come to some sort of of terms with the experience, now you have to.
The best thing is to talk honestly with her about it, but it would probably be a good idea to just kep clear for a few days until you can think more clearly about it, as opposed to just reacting viscerally.
Good luck.
2007-12-31 07:20:15 · answer #1 · answered by juicy_wishun 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow. i don't know how to help with you with that. I would be freaked out too. unless she was the victim. but if she was a willing participant.
well
wow.
2007-12-31 15:50:39 · answer #2 · answered by China J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dearest A girl
I feel really sorry for your best friend that had to be a very ruff time in her life. No one deserves that kind of pain in there life. She must of really trusted you with that deep dark secret and to say anything she had to have courage of a saint. You should read about incest and how hard it is on a person before you loose one of your best friends ever. To feel ashamed for her is not what she wanted she needed a friend not a judge , she trusted you now its time for you to trust her.
2007-12-31 15:35:57 · answer #3 · answered by ho8er2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There may be deeper issues that this that happened to her. Either she was curious and young and it just happened. OR she is the victim of sexual abuse from someone in her family when she was growing up. Usually that is the case. Whatever you do try not to judge her. She told you because she trusts you and because it must of bothered her enough to have to get it out of her system. It may take time to get over what she told you but remember she is still your friend. Maybe suggest some counseling. good luck!
2007-12-31 15:29:07 · answer #4 · answered by *♥* Igotorbs*♥* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that your friend confining in you made you feel ashamed. That is sad. How hard it must have been for her. She trusted your friendship enough to confine in you, why does this make you feel bad? You should tell your friend that you are glad she feels close enough to you to tell you something so personal. Tell her that whatever happened is in the past and she shouldn't let it eat at her and that she should forgive herself and not feel guilty about it.
2007-12-31 15:28:35 · answer #5 · answered by SuzyQ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who did a similar thing, except with her cousin and for some reason she didn't think it was a bad thing. Not that she didn't know it was wrong but she made it seem like she was in love with him so it must have been ok. I still love my friend to death and it does pop in my head sometimes of what she's done but if you still want your friend in your life you'er going to have to look past it. Ask her not to speak of it in front of you again, if she is a true friend she will respect your wishes. It might just be the shock of it all right now but once it sinks in and you realize she is the same person who you've known and became best friends with you may be able to see past it. For her sake I hope so, it sounsd like she could use a friend right now.
Good luck!
2007-12-31 15:25:34 · answer #6 · answered by Miss October 03 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she had that type of a relationship with her brother then I can assume that she has been sexually abused in someway shape of form. Wanting to do that with your brother is not normal.
sometimes when people are sexually abused by an adult or older sibling...Whatever the case maybe..It takes away the innocence.
Your friend probably did not know that it was wrong at the time and was probably to young to understand.
It sounds like your friend has alot of issues and she trusted you with this information because she thought that you were her friend. So why don't you try being one. Something that happened in her past does not change her into some other person other than the person you have always known her to be.
Look at the person not at their past experiences. You never had a problem being her friend until you knew this about her and it is something that happened in the past and it sure sounds like she is ashamed of it so why would you being her friend go out of your way to make her feel more ashamed?
2007-12-31 15:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by luckyme 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As gross at that is...forgive and forget!
2007-12-31 15:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by Amelia:] 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people do things when they are young that fall under the "experimentation" category. While not necessarily innocent or right, it's usually something that will never happen again. This is obviously the case with your friend since she feels bad about it.
Unfortunately, the only way to change your feelings and save your friendship is to talk it out with her and tell her how you feel. Please understand that at the same time, sometimes there are people in our lives that cross an ethical or moral boundary for us personally and we might need to just move on. For example, I have a friend who is going to marry a man that was arrested under suspicion of molesting a child....that friendship unfortunately will have to end. It crosses a moral issue for me and it's something that I can't change or accept, nor be a party to.
I hope that you and your friend can work it out and it was a harmless childhood mistake on her part.
2007-12-31 15:23:33 · answer #9 · answered by Bridey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seeing as she is your best friend, just imagine how ashamed and repulsed she must be, then you may be able to cut her some slack. Yes, it is completely disgusting, but she was young and aparently not thinking things through at the time. No one is perfect, we all have our skeletons, so please try not to scrutinize her life and be judgemental. If you can't bring yourself to look past her mess-ups of the past, then maybe you should go back to cleaning YOUR glass windows. Best of luck to you both.
2007-12-31 15:23:22 · answer #10 · answered by FoxyBoricua 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Something like that would be difficult to overlook. It probably changed your entire view of her. But the fact that she opened up and told you should count for something. She obviously trusts you, and hopes that the ties of your friendship are stronger than the view you would have of her after she shared that personal information with you. But you have to remember that she is still the same person as before.
2007-12-31 15:22:22 · answer #11 · answered by Peachels 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋