Does Gloria Steinem's quote still apply today: "We've begun to raise daughters more like sons...?

Question

...but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters." ~Gloria Steinem

Why is or why isn't Ms. Steinem's quote relevant today? Is it okay for a girl to be a tomboy, and for a boy to be a bit "fem" or like a girl? Or does tomboy, feminine, and masculine still apply, if you're a feminist, an equalist or a humanist?

Answer 1

I think it is relevant.

It certainly is strange that attributing a woman with certain male characteristics is complementary, while attributing a man with female characteristics is not.

However, I think there is a little skewing going on in the perception of this phenomenon.

A woman being called a tom-boy can also be derided as butch. Being declared manly is more often an insult to a woman than a compliment.

Conversely, when a man is attributed with female characteristics, it is always an uncomplimentary statement, using qualities commonly associated with feminine frailness or shortcomings, be they emotional or physical.

So, I think that being compared to the opposite sex is usually an insult, not a compliment. Of course, this is counter to the spirit of the quote.

What the quote refers to, in my evaluation, is the idea that we are raising both genders to be more goal-oriented, aggressive, and capable to be on their own, which is a good thing.

The statement STILL uses classical stereotypes as it's baseline comparison, which, to me, denies and defies the equality movement. And that is the problem I have with many people who say they stand for equality: they don't buy their own principle. If men and women really are equal (and I believe, absolutely, that they are) then why does raising a son like a daughter require courage? Because by 'as a daughter,' you mean something that is inherently inferior to a son? Why would you acknowledge the difference, as far as parental ethics goes?

Equal is equal. Why would you raise them with different attitudes? The only biological differences between adolescent boys and girls is their method for liquid waste elimination.

I think bijou may be saying the same thing, in fewer words.

I'm with you, Gnu. ALL children should be raised to be capable and confident and able to handle themselves in life. That IS what you're saying, right?

Answer 2

I think today's girls are raised to be more independent women except maybe in fundamentalist families. They expect to have a career or a job at least. When I was a kid, that was not so.

It's still okay for a girl to be a tomboy but not for a boy to be feminine. Changes happen slowly. Maybe one day the fem boy will not be a pariah.

Answer 3

By and large, BUT...

My niece just graduated from high school and I met a few of her guy friends. One is openly gay (in high school) and does not get hassled for it, and and several of them feel free to add a little flamboyancy to their look (black nail polish). You're starting to see much more tolerance toward a little gender-bending among the boys.

However, I live in an urban "blue" state in the U.S. I'm sure this is not the case in the rural deep south.

But maybe it's a trend that will continue.

Answer 4

It still applies. Mainly because the so-called masculinists movement has focused on legal issues such as father's rights, and alimony instead of attempting to redefine what masculinity and manhood mean. A part from a handful of male/sociologists authors like Bly and Kene I've not seen males attempting to help others of the same gender acquire positive feminine qualities and balance them with healthy masculinity. There also doesn't seem to be an existing movement geered towards examining the origin of male gender roles and the validity of them. If no one questions the male roles of : warrior, polygamists, and disciplinarian there's no way that males in general can be emancipated from them.

There's also the fear that the opposite sex won't find a male that is too much into his feminine side attractive. There are still a lot of women who feel that a real man is a "protector",
and they want that demonstrated. This can make it difficult for many males to escape, "warrior psyche".

Many non-feminists women express the opinion that a good man will be unfaithful from time to time. This is a falacy that needs to be vanquished not just for the benefit of women who truly desire a monogamous partner but also for the guy who doesn't want the "soap opera" polygamists expectations used as a measure of his virility and manhood. I've actually heard a lot of males say that they cheat because they fear that their partners will get bored with them and feel they don't
have a real man. This theme rooted in religious partriarchy is harming both sexes and making it hard for us males to evolve.

The burden of the disciplinarian role often affects the image that a son or daughter has of their father. If the man is viewed as the head of the house, the boss of the house and the punisher it tends to perpetuate an image of harshness in fathers placed in that role. Since boys will most often emulate their fathers they, usually imitate that behavior.
Daughters often look to mate with a man that exhibits their father's behavior and so the cycle continiues.

Answer 5

Given the fact that "fem" boys will be singled out by bullies among their peers and by sexual predators who by their own admission, frequently target boys who are effeminate and isolated from their peers, any parent who raises their sons to be feminine is guilty of child abuse and sacrificing the best interests of their child on the altar of ideology. I await the thumbs down but anyone who gives this even a moment of honest reflection knows the truth. I fear for young men raised by feminists who subscribe to such stupid and dangerous ideas.

EDIT

Raising sons to be respectful and understanding of others, i.e. not to be bullies themselves, is of course a good thing. But surely, we don't want to claim that those are "fem" characteristics.

Answer 6

My wife was raised like a son, and it was OK but now it seems like she doesn't want to be the "woman" at anything any more.

Answer 7

I think more men have bought into the feminist movement than when Steinem made that statement. Most men I know want their wives and daughters to succeed in business, and for their sons to seek whatever vocation they like, even one that is traditionally female. One friend has a son who became a nurse, and he was very excited about this.

So although I think that men will still like football, cars, and motorcycles, I am seeing a lot more men who take an active role in childrearing and ask for primary custody.

Answer 8

I definitely still think the quote applies today--especially in more conservative areas (rural areas especially). It is way more acceptable for girls to be "tomboys" (I was as a kid--I climbed trees, put rocks in my pockets, jumped in mud puddles, etc. without criticism) but it is a lot harder for a boy to be "feminine" (without getting made fun of). Boys (even little boys) are expected to be tough, the man of the house when dad isn't there, etc. Example of this--there was a boy I went to high school with who played football (and was awesome) but was also very musically talented--his dad was furious that he was in all of the musicals and choir productions in high school.

EDIT: I think that until gender socialization changes--this isn't going to change.

Answer 9

I don't see that changing anytime soon; Women want to be like men; to have what men have... Men are not interested in what women have... (except for a few, but most of those wish they were women).

Answer 10

I think it still applies. If you compare a man to a woman in some way, he regards it as an insult. The opposite is not necessarily true.

I don't really see why this is. There are many positive things about women, why would someone feel insulted by being compared to one?