This question is for wives who have left their husbands.?

Question

We have been together for 8yrs and married for 1 year. No infidelity, physical abuse, or drug use. Just BAD communication between us. She said that she is just "fed up" and wants a divorce. My wife and I have been separated for 3 months and about a couple of weeks ago we started going to marriage counseling. In the first session, she told me and the therapist that she's only here to help me and that she still wants a divorce. That she doesn't want to take the RISK of returning back to me. Now that we are on our 4th session, it seems like MC has been useful. She seems to be more into the therapy sessions and has not bought up the divorce. For all the ladies that have left their husband, once you have decided to leave your husband, do you ever change your mind and come back. I dont know what is her intentions. I dont want any regrets if I decide that I had enough with the waiting for her to make her up mind and proceed with filing the divorce myself. 8 yrs is a long time to throw away

Answer 1

if she is going to the therapy it is a good sign. your doing the right thing in not wanting to throw the marriage away, atleast if it ends, u will know u did all u could to save it, wish more men wanted to go the therapy route, there would be less divorces. anything can be worked out unless its a betrayal or abuse. i think u need to go to her and tell her that whatever the problem is that your willing to make any changes to save the marriage, and love her unconditionally no matter what.

Answer 2

Hang in there! My experience shows that once she makes up her mind, very little can change that. She has agency to make this choice even if you don't want it to happen. Continue going to MC and sincerely open your heart and do whatever you can. Before you make up your mind, weigh out the value of time and allow enough time to pass before you further the divorce process. In most cases, once the process has started, it does not get turned around. Follow your heart and you can’t go wrong regardless of what happens.

The earlier comment about women leaving ONLY because the men are mean, or cheat is very shallow and inaccurate. Never in history has a woman been mean or cheated? Besides, there is a tremendous amount more to the conditions to a difficult marriage than ONLY these two factors.

Lastly, Meghan does not recognize that you are putting in time and effort to salvage your marriage. Why else would you be on the subject? Obviously you do care. You are going to MC and you are seeking information through many avenues hoping for some valuable insight. Perhaps there is something to learn here for Ms. Meghan since she knows so much, and more than likely has a “Perfect” marriage. Maybe provide positive support for another person in a difficult time might be a little more helpful? It is pretty easy to offer if you are a human.

Answer 3

In my case, once I decided to leave that was it. It was for the same reason as your wife... I just did not want to take the risk. I had been with my husband for 13 years, and through all the arguements he never was willing to work on the things he should and always blamed everything on me. Once I separated from him, he swore he was going to do better.. and I really think he meant it... but I couldn't go back and risk him disappointing me. It took me a long time to make the decision to leave, and I wasn't going to be deterred.

But thats just me... Your wife may come around. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I'm a dude But unfortunately yea its possible. I've been separated from my wife for one year and divorced for six and a half months. all this time she doesn't want me, she wants to meet other guys and tells everyone bad lies about me.
Now she says she was lying to herself and others and she loves me. so yea unfortunately its possible.

Answer 5

HI
I can see why you have a communication problem. You need to ask her , her full intentions.. and discuss it.
The MC can only do so much.
People who don't communicate usually don't because of fear.
If there is one spouse with fear., then you have serious problems.
I left my husband,.. but he was very very controlling, and he is a verbal and emotional abuser. I took all I could take.
I worked on it with him for over 35 years. I think I was patient enough.
Its not a sin to want happiness, but in a marriage it takes work from both sides.
Just ask her what she intends , your not a mind reader. and she should never expect you to be.
JJ

Answer 6

I left my husband but did come back to him and when I left I was sure I didn't want to go back. But the longer you're separated and, the less likely you are to work things out.

Answer 7

I was with my wife 10 years, married 6 of those. She too was frustrated by our lack of communication and decided to leave. We (or I) tried the marriage counseling and I thought it was working but she, like your wife, decided on the divorce.

Once their mind is made up there is no going back. It sucks and it hurts.

I suggest you get a good divorce lawyer. Be strong and don't let anyone jerk you around. Good luck.

Answer 8

I think that a lot of married people don't realize that you're supposed to have bad times and that a real marriage means that you work through bad times. Maybe your wife is one of these people who believe that marriage is supposed to be an episode of Friends for every day until death do you part.

Marriage takes work - a lot of work. If more people realized this, we'd probably have less divorces.

Unless something is really wrong - which you've said there's not - sounds like she's not committed 100% and doesn't care to put in an effort to make things work.

Sorry. I hope things work out for you - married or not.

Answer 9

Well, obviously you dont care. If you really loved your wife, you would put as much time and effort as required into saving your marriage. There are communication problems. Try fixing them instead of asking complete strangers if you should give up.

Answer 10

Anything is possible. Maybe this is something to be discussed in a counseling session. Good luck!!