What do I do? Controlling Husband or not?

Question

ok I've been married almost 5 years and my husband works and I am the housewife with a four year old at home. I'm overweight and trying to fix it because my husband has voiced to me that he thinks the excess weight is "unattractive". Anyway I have chores I do dishes, laundry etc. My husband has always told me that my opinion matters to him but lately if I disagree with him and don't agree to his opinion and I get upset and raise my voice (because I have my opinion and I'm not just going to have his all the time) he blocks out my cable TV totally and either blocks my internet totally or just my favorite webpages. If I want to watch something it's "trash" if he wants to it's ok. (not porn-we are Christian) He uses the "submission" and "obedient" verses as to what I'm suppost to be and since he hasn't "hit" me he can treat me like this. My family is just up in arms, what do I do? He can make my life hell if I don't "submit". Suggestions...?

I was lonely when I met him and he was/is cute I think I gave into him to much. I don't enjoy what I used to because I get totally hassled about it. I can't even watch the Food network without hassle. He has expectations of what needs to be done around the house, and when I do that he finds other things to gripe about. He never seems satisfied, I feel like he just tolerates me because we have a child and divorce in not in the future if you ask him because he thinks it's sinful. I feel trapped, and trampled on. I see other men that treat their wives with concern and thoughtfulness where as he is more like a drill sargeant. I think dumping him for TV and internet seems shallow but it drives me nuts and I end up disliking him to no end. He doesn't seem to care. If I watch TV, movies, internet stuff-youtube, I'm a "slug". But he can watch what he wants (granted it's mostly internet). BTW he won't go to counseling it's more "worldly trash" to him. So I am where I am and stuck with no help.

The talk to a priest/pastor won't work it's a home fellowship with one other guy-his mentor.

Answer 1

Find a job get another place, let him see what he will be without if you leave. You might find you like life better without him anyway.

Answer 2

If he's a true Christian he would not be treating you in such a manner.....to be a true Christian you must strive to be Christ-like in your life.....overbearing, controlling and disrespect ful is far from Christ-like...he needs to re-read his Bible and focus on such things as treating others as he would have them treat him, judge not lest he be judged...maybe a few verses should be used right back him....or let he who is without sin cast the first stone....

Tell him the 'don't do what I do, do what I say" verse is NOT in the Bible, yet he seems to be a firm believer in that.....

Make your life Hell, Hon? Only if you let him. Call your family over as a show of support and then lay it on the line with Mr. High & Mighty.....he has a choice of family counselling with your church pastor/reverend/priest, which is certainly not 'worldly'...if that's not an option,then a professional.......or divorce court. Period. And he has to know you mean it....

and you want a Bible quote? "Ye reap what ye sow"...and the seeds he's sowing into his marriage by his treatment of you will produce nothing but a bumber crop of a very fustrated, disatified,and unhappy-angry wife. When Momma aint happy aint nobody hapy.....

I have a mouth so I would have informed him long ago that what he wants is not a partnership but a slave....oh, BTW...Lincoln freed the slaves.....
....a Bible allegory?....Woman was created from a rib.....not from a foot bone to be trod on by Man...not from his skull so she could be above him...but from a bone in his side so she could be by his side....as a partner...which is what marriage is...not a dictatorship.....get it?

Also, women have power as women which is why some men want to force them into submission..if you are not being treated as a wife should be....isn't there a verse about the worth of a good woman? ...then go on strike....when he treats you like a wife then you will be a wife.....and slavery has nothing to do with it...see how long he can go without sex.....now doesn't the Bible constantly mention the virtue of chasity...read St. Paul's letters...and sex is only for procreation? So a good Christian wife would never have sex unless it's to make a baby for the marriage...........point that one out to him and see where it goes???? Are you two using birth control?? That's a no-no. tell him it's sinfull since sex is for procreation...what's that verse about spilling (wasting) one's seed? No more B.C. for Mr. Christian....better get used to abstinance as B.C........

Bah, I can't stand people who use religion to abuse and controll, then justify their completey unacceptable behavior by a religious book...if I were you Hon, I'd have a long heart to heart with your family.....and then divorce his sorry un-christian ***!

Quite frankly Hon, you've got a potential abuser there...it's only a matter of time before he uses the 'spare the rod and you spoil the child' excuse to...well, you figure it out.

Answer 3

You are his partner not his child. He has no right to take anything away from you. If he is not going to treat you with the respect that you (as his wife) deserves, than try billing him for your services. Example: child care services: 200.00 per week, personal chef: 150.00 per week. Demand payment! I know this may sound crazy, but he seems to think that because he brings home the money, he gets to call the shots. He's not realizing what you are doing behind the scenes to make that possible. And he never will unless you show him. If this doesn't work then you have to decide if staying in this relationship is worth it to you. Controlling men don't usually ease up over time, they get worse. And that is not a good example to set for your child. You deserve to have a voice.

Answer 4

You allowed this to go on and that is why it's still going on. Talk to him about it and if he doesn't change then you change. There are better things then staying home and watching TV all day. Join a gym or walk around the block. When you decide to lose the weight, make sure you do it for yourself.

When he comes home from work do you greet him with a smile and do you look nice or do you greet him with a robe on and a frown on your face? Maybe if you start greeting him with a smile and looking good he wouldn't block all of the good stuff on tv and the Internet. It is a reason for his madness.

Maybe if you change your ways and attitude he might change his. There is nothing wrong with being submissive to your husband as long as he is submissive as well.

Answer 5

Neither of you are being Christian. Christian is when you have love and respect for God and yourselves. There is none of that here. Offer to go to marriage counseling with him. If he refuses to go, then you have to decide if you want to stay in a marriage like this or spend this short life we have with someone who will love and appreciate you even if you are a little over weight. I am a little over weight and my husband still finds me sexy and attractive and we have been married for 28 years. When I say marriage counselor, I don't mean a minister I mean a very good psychologist that specializes in marriage counseling.

Answer 6

You are right, he is an abusive husband.... sometimes mental abuse is as bad as or worse than physical abuse! I would never allow my husband to treat me this way, nor would he as he respects me as his equal. Give him an ultimatum, change his ways and respect you as his equal partner or put him to the curb! I never understood why women feel this kind of behavior is OK from men, whether you work or stay home to raise a family, you do not deserve to be belittled, treated like a child or as anything other than a woman who demands respect!!! Do you want your child to see your husband treat you this way and think that this is normal? I agree with the other answer... he considers himself a christian and treats you this way???? That's a cop-out! You deserve better than what you are allowing yourself to have right now! I'm not saying leave him, but demand respect!!! And if he doesn't give it to you then you need to reconsider what it is you want for yourself and your child in the future. Good luck!

Answer 7

OK, this guy is a little messed up. It seems like he's using the Bible as an excuse for treating you this way. If it gets worse tell someone so they have your back so if it comes to a point where you need to leave him you won't be alone. This guy doesn't sound like a Christian to me. Not Christian at all.

Answer 8

http://www.drphil.com/search/results/?S=controlling%20husband
Is control a problem in your relationship?

# Start taking responsibility for your actions. It's time to examine how your behavior might enable your controlling partner.

# Negotiate boundaries with your spouse — not when you're arguing, but during "peace time." Agree to have a consequence if these boundaries are crossed. For example, if your controlling partner starts to dominate a discussion, call a time-out. Revisit the conversation only when you're ready.

# If you're being pushed to your limit every day and you think about giving up, you will someday cave in. Giving up cheats you and your partner if you haven't both made a concerted effort to improve your relationship.

# Ask yourself, "What is it costing me to be in this relationship?" If the answer is your dreams, identity, or dignity, the cost is too high.

# Controlling people often participate in emotional extortion: "Agree with me, or else...." For the good of your relationship, sometimes it's best to agree to disagree.

# Look at all of your options. You don't have to engage in explosive arguments when dealing with a controlling partner. Refuse to participate when your partner is trying to control you.

# Suffering in silence isn't love. By not dealing with a controlling partner's behavior, you're only enabling it to continue, and are therefore cheating the relationship.

Answer 9

Leave until he grows up and realises that your his equal not his child or dog.

Answer 10

This constitutes emotional abuse which is the hardest to prove in court. Its sorta like your word against his. Yoou have to decide where the point of where enough becomes enough is and then decide whether youre better off with or without him and his abuse. Nobody should nor have to ever live under these conditions and you dont either, but you need to figure out what it is you want here and then go for it. Marriage counseing may help if he would go, but Im afraid you are more on your own here. Good luck