I am in the middle of a dilemma. My best friend and her boyfriend have found an apartment and want me to move in with them. The price is very good, and the location is awesome. I do not feel like a third wheel when I am with them, however I am afraid that when I move in, I won't have any say. They want me to pitch in for furniture, which is fine but It has to be my friend's way and what she wants, and i have different ideas than her. I want to move in but I am afraid that I will feel like I am living in their apartment rather than sharing the apartment. Should I move in, and how do i tell my friend my opinion without making her mad, what do i say? Also, she wants to have a housewarming party, and on the invitation she wrote down only her and her boyfriend's name, not mine.
2007-12-31 06:18:31 · 21 answers · asked by Alyssa Matheson 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
To be honest, even though at first you might not feel like the third wheel (and to them you might not be) after some time they will look at you as the third wheel. You have to remember one thing, this is a couple moving in, not just 2 other friends looking for roomies. I think its best to stay out of it and find your own place. If you already feel some kind of weird way towards something as small as an invitation (which i would have to say, I would feel the same way you do if it was me), imagine down the road when bigger issues occur such as who ate my last pop tart? who is going to pay more on this bill and that bill? whats going to happen when they want their privacy or better yet when they are arguing? what if that relationship doesnt work out? these are things you have to take into consideration. Im not trying to scare you (as these situations might NOT occur) but its definitely something you have to look into before making that big step. I live with my boyfriend now and trust me, even though our relationship most of the time is peechy, there are times when it gets ugly and i know personally I would not want to have a roomate in my business even if i do have lots of love for that roomate.
2007-12-31 06:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by H3y 9!rl h3y!!!! 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a classic recipe for disaster.
The fact that they are already EXCLUDING you in the housewarming invitation should be a CLEAR signal to you that you are simply the financial means for them to get the apartment they could otherwise NOT afford.
They are using you, no matter what they are trying to say. And if you have no say right now, they will take your moving in with them on their terms as total tacit consent to use you as a doormat for their own ends.
This isn't a dilemma. This is chance for you to break free and establish your OWN identity and lifestyle.
Don't let the seductive lure of a great location and the promise of continued friendship lead to a stupid choice.
Make the break now and tell your friend something like this:
"I appreciate your kind offer of the shared apartment space. However, I can't in good conscience move into a shared space where we are not being treated as complete equals. I'm glad you've found each other and this nice place, but for the sake of our friendship, I'll have to pass on this apartment."
It's better to be direct upfront EVEN IF IT COSTS YOU THE FRIENDSHIP because you will lose it anyway in the long run.
Good luck!
2007-12-31 14:31:37 · answer #2 · answered by stonechic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would advise against this. For a couple of reasons.... first, living with your friend and her bf, can and will cause conflicts - between everyone. There is a comfort zone between two people in a relationship and when you add in a third person, it can create problems such as the picking out of how to decorate the place - as you friend has already stated it is her way or no way. Or what to watch on tv or when to go out and have fun together. I think your friend is acting a little selfish about this whole thing.
I would be open and honest with your friend about how you feel. Remember, if you sign the lease, your stuck there for 12 months. Hopefully the two of you can work it out, but if not, I wouldn't plan on moving in with her and her bf.
I've been in your shoes before and it always ended badly. We could just never agree on anything, we fought about who had to pay for what, when we watched tv, there was no privacy in the house and we all seemed to eat each others food.
It is just a bad idea all around.
2007-12-31 14:28:03 · answer #3 · answered by Just Life, Trying To Live It. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to say "No", and here's why. It sounds like your name will not be on the lease, but rather you're renting a room from them. If this is the case then you will not have a say about anything. You also said she wants it her way or no way at all. She wants you to buy furniture for her apartment. Is that how you want to live? When they have sex, you'll hear it. When they fight, you'll hear it. Trust me ,you don't want to do this. You may be friends with these people, but you've never lived with them. It's a whole other ball game.
As far as telling her your opinion, you politely say, "As much as I'd love to, and I think it would be fun, I think that you as a couple need your space". Wait about 3-6 months when the fighting starts and you'll be glad you didn't do this.
2007-12-31 14:27:56 · answer #4 · answered by Jim C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you answered your own questions...it's her way or no way. save your bucks and try to go solo, it seems you would not be sharing, so much as you would be a source of income, to furnish the apartment of HER dreams. 3's company in a social setting sometimes, but not for a live in romantic relationship. don't do it. just my opinion.
2007-12-31 14:27:02 · answer #5 · answered by formerlylunesta@yahoo.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't move in. Sounds like you are only thought of for what money you can give. Stay out of that circle. You'll get the short end of the stick on this, trust me. Say you can't move in at this time because of your finances. Say you don't have any money. She'll leave you alone once she sees you can't pay.
2007-12-31 14:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by Greentea4unme 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She just wants you to pay part of the rent. You, my friend, are being used.
2007-12-31 14:24:13 · answer #7 · answered by pinky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should watch out being a 3rd person. Make sure you are on the apartment lease. If not, you have no rights and they could take advantage of you (aka furniture) > Also sounds like they want you there just for the money savings which makes them appear to be just that type.
I would never move in with them. Find your own place, that way you can be master (or mistress) of your own domain.
2007-12-31 14:23:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'd stay out of that one all together! moving in with another couple is a quick way to either ruin a friendship or become a sextoy.
2007-12-31 14:23:26 · answer #9 · answered by jacks_insanity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not move in. Problems are already starting and you haven't even moved yet. Maybe be neighbors instead of roomies. Yes, 3 can be a crowd.
2007-12-31 14:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by spyder 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋