My Husband's work sent us Over Seas on a 2 yr. assignment that ended 6 months in when I found out he was having a sordid affair with a Prostitute. I Trusted him with All my Heart & defended his honor. He was my Hero.
I didn't question his large cash withdrawals & his Many, Many late nights . He has always been a Good provider & I thought a "Work Aholic". I believed his LATE Nights were due to "Meetings, Re: "The Project" we were on & that he was really Meeting "with the guys across the Island for a night cap". This was a HUGE assignment that he was heading up and & I had met & had dinner with the "S'pore Team" & I was actually "Proud of his Accomplisments" & his Good Standing in the Co.
I discovered his Betrayal on July 20, 2007 when he forgot his Mobile Phone at home, to find out this was his "life line" to his prostitute.
He spent $24,000. on her! I have been DEVASTATED! No words BIG enough to explain! I am IN Counseling .
Anyone been thru this? Did U forgive?
2007-12-31 06:08:02 · 101 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Been there, overcame that. How do you forgive? Stop crying and start being your own hero. He's just a man -- he's not Jesus Christ. Start questioning everything. Trust your own instincts. Quit replaying it over and over again. What's done is done. Get strong and stop playing the victim. 6 months is long enough to be devastated. Get it together and move on.
Sometimes we get hurt in life, but these are the times in which we find out how much we really want something or someone. If the two of you want to, you can work it out. It's really easy for people who have not been through your situation to give the easy answer, but remember, you're the one who'll have to live with your decisions. Everything's not always cut and dry or black and white. Pride can only hurt in situations like this.
Be honest about what you really want. Don't allow some prostitute to steal your dream and don't allow your husband's indescretions steal your joy. Don't be a doormat and remember that no one can ride your back unless you bend it sweetie. Don't worry about making him pay. Trust me, time wounds all heels. Take care of yourself. Worry about YOU. I actually had to get on an antidepressant and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. I feel great and I don't cry over it anymore. At the time, I thought it was the end of my world, but now I say... meh. :)
Best of luck dear. If you need to talk, send me an email.
2007-12-31 06:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by Scarlet T 1 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You can forgive him but you should leave him. It's dangerous to cheat period but to cheat with a prostitute is just crazy. He has issues within himself that he needs to deal with. If you stay the relationship will only get worst. He will change for a few months and then he will be back out there. You can either stay and deal with it or leave. You deserve better.
Remember this Love is God and God has nothing to do with affairs, prostitutes, cheating, etc.
2007-12-31 07:03:33 · answer #2 · answered by KSR 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would close this chapter in my life. If you think that you are capable of forgiving him, you are a bigger women than I will ever be! This hurt is like a wound that is infected and will never heal. I would pick up whats left of your dignity and take everything he owns while you are at it. Think about it sweety, its not like he had an affair... HE WAS WITH A PROSTITUTE!!! He did not have any regards for you and you do not know what he could of gave you. He was not only getting his jollies, he could of gave you aids or hepatitis! I would never want to speak to him again, not too mention the money.
I wish you truly the best, but don't allow this to happen again.
2007-12-31 06:22:29 · answer #3 · answered by Little Lisa 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Ask yourself: "Am I better off with him or without him?"
Hopefully, your answer is without him. Move on with your life and learn from your experience.....now you know the warning signs to look for in your next relationship.
I know it's difficult to move on....you must just get up on your own two feet and do it! Yes, you can! Even with kids.
If your answer is with him, you will need to simply forgive and forget. But think of these points:
How does one ever trust that person again? Never. (The next cheat and the next cheat becomes easier and easier for him.) The "I love you and I promise never to do it again's" are just as deceitful as all the sneaking around and all the coverup lies. By now he has become an excellent liar, which is a behavior that is next to impossible to stop.
You will always be wondering, insecure, and possive which will drive him away from you. Both of you will be miserable due to lack of trust, and resentment on both parts.
One can not stay in a relationship where there is no trust. Eventually, you will resent staying and kick yourself in the butt for wasting another year or more of your life on him.
Good Luck, I know you're in for a rough ride no matter which decision you make.
Remember: Time heals all wounds!
2007-12-31 06:31:46 · answer #4 · answered by Crazy Woman Driver 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Had nothing compared to you but I can find no redeeming qualities in him.It was no accident that he fell into an affair I doubt she would have been available if she was'nt in business.This was a deliberate act on his part and he had no regard for you at all. He owes you $12,000 of the family income he wasted.And the harm to your self esteem[ it is damaged] for a long long time .If you can consider forgiving him and learn to trust him again then your a remarkable woman. The bible speaks to this directly at Mark 5:3-6
You have spiritual grounds for divorce and a new life on grounds of fornication of the highest degree in my book.I wish I had someway of validating you in your own eyes, after the lies and hateful betrayal that you have suffered in this.Don't let this liar tell you it was partly you and he had needs, he had cheating on his mind till you busted him. Do you know for sure he's not still sneaking around.Sorry but his unfaithful defiled body would go to the curb with the rest of the trash.Go find a God fearing man you can trust and will apreciate the jewel you are.Best Wishes.
2007-12-31 06:37:55 · answer #5 · answered by oatesmokid 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The trust has to be re-earned between the both of you. And if you decide to forgive him for this 2 year affair, then you have to close the book on it and not bring it up when and if you argue for other reasons. You dont have to give your body to him either. Charge him for that, like $24,000.00, and do that over time, so he doesn't get the drift. That is IF you do decide to share that part of you with him. Obviously, he needs to be HIV checked, and I would make that an every 3-6 month thing, based on the trust issue. Hopefully, he is giving up affairs......and is remorseful about it. Otherwise, leave him and start a new life....take him for what you can get. You have learned a valuable lesson, and this is an unfortunate one.
2007-12-31 06:21:30 · answer #6 · answered by Toffy 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Get an divorce. No man is worth any women crying or getting upset. You need to put your foot down and take charge. It has been a 6 month affair. Honey there is nothing to work out at all. He cheated, lied, and spent thousands of dollers on an prostitute. Oh no, i would be fileing for divorce papers if i was you. There is no need for talking to him at all because he is untrustworthy. He lost your trust and thats something that you need to make a realationship work. Like my mom told me, "Without trust thier can be no realationship.
Email me at gurltokyo@yahoo.com if you have anything else you would like to discuss.
I really hope it helps.....
2007-12-31 08:23:44 · answer #7 · answered by ||PязttyPняεϟн||☆™ 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I've (thank GOD) never been through this, but if I ever had been, I would have pulled a Lorena Bobbit, taken my kids, and gotten the hell out of Dodge.
It's bad enough that he cheated on you in the first place, but with some filthy prostitute to boot??? If I were you, I'd be VERY thankful you don't have some disease (God forbid AIDS) and pack your sh*t up and get as far away from him as possible. Like my friend Peggy (whose husband cheated on her multiple times) says, "The first time's always the hardest..."
2007-12-31 07:28:08 · answer #8 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
forgive and forget go hand in hand. You may say you forgive him, but until you don't forget (which is impossible) you have not forgiven him. You had placed your husband on a high pedestal and he has fallen from great heights. The day you put him back high on that pedestal will be the day you have forgiven him and forgotten (to some extent).
It is good to honor and respect your husband, but you seem to have glorifed him, which gave him the God like attitude... Meaning he things he can do anything and get away and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. And since you are in counseling, that clearly says there is nothing you can or will do about it. He will treat you like a doormat over and over again. good luck.
2007-12-31 06:27:12 · answer #9 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow! You'll probably forgive him, but it will take you a long time. I've had boyfriend who, I thought, was cheating on me. It was devastating, and I'm still struggling with the thought. We stopped dating just over a year ago. I've prayed. All I can tell you is pray and ask for Grace to let go, because you won't be able to forgive with your own strength. Read Psalms 25. May God help you in this.
2007-12-31 06:17:14 · answer #10 · answered by Jolie 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋