Any advice on how to trust your significant other when you have been lied to? It has been 4 years and I am still extremely suspicious. Any serious advice would be really helpful.
2007-12-31 05:43:30 · 17 answers · asked by APPLE123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have a child together so I'd really like to put the effort forth - he has been an angel since we have committed (3 1/2 years ago) but I keep torturing myself (and him) with the mistrust. Anyone recommend counseling/therapy - I have seriously considered hypnosis!!??
2007-12-31 05:52:43 · update #1
BF of 4 years
2007-12-31 06:51:19 · update #2
Well, you can make the choice to keep replaying the negative in your mind or just let it go for once and for all. You are hurting yourself by dwelling on it and you know nothing you do or say will ever change the past. I got over a betrayal when I decided to remain in the relationship and start trusting again. It is not wanting to be vulnerable again that is keeping you from having a wonderful relationship with your husband. If he is remorseful and is showing you that he can be trusted again, please just allow yourself to believe in him again. Are you trying to keep on hurting him by not letting go of it all or is the fear of being hurt again standing in your way?
We only have each moment in life to enjoy; we can't change the past or predict the future - so why torture yourself. I again suggest looking at the websites below. They will assist you and him in healing the old wounds. Good luck!
2007-12-31 06:57:29 · answer #1 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the pain u're going through. I'm in the same boat and am trying to get over the pain that he caused me a year ago when he lied to me about another woman. We have a 5 year old and a 3 mnth old and believe me i think i'm torturing myself by constantly thinking about it even though he has re-assured me that he's innocent but afterall i'm a woman with hormones :o). i find myself constantly snooping around ( i know it's bad) to see if he's up to something. I'd be intereseted in seeing what other people tell you. I wish you good luck though and i hope that you can work things out :)
2007-12-31 15:46:58 · answer #2 · answered by Luv Peace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to get over a betrayal. Most people don't and because of that I think you should leave him. You are wasting your life and time focusing on the past. You will never forgive him or trust him and that is only going to make you resent him more. Why live like that? If you decide to cheat on him you're only going to feel worst. You can love a person and not be with them. I've been there and done that.
2007-12-31 15:21:57 · answer #3 · answered by KSR 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a boyfriend by definition is a temporary arrangement. its really hard to feel secure when you've been with someone for 4 years, you're are living your life as if its permanent (having kids) but you're not married. not trying to be funny, but why aren't you married yet? you mentioned that he's been an angel since the betrayal, which was more than 3 years ago. his betrayal happened before he was your boyfriend, right?
also, don't take advice from anyone that isn't in a long term relationship (married or otherwise) and have experienced a betrayal, or at least with a child. anyone can play doctor phil on yahoo, but as you already know, the real world isn't always so black and white.
2007-12-31 14:45:42 · answer #4 · answered by Michael 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Weak people who think they desereve betrayal or think they cant do better get over it.
2007-12-31 14:17:09 · answer #5 · answered by csiders30 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Forgiveness, its the only way. You have to forgive him or yourself, whom ever you are blaming to make this go away.
And I say yourself, because some times we try to take responsibility for someone elses actions so we can feel better about staying with them. "Well if I hadn't of been doing this or if I had done this, it wouldn't of happened. If you are doing that, stop....place blame, be angry and then forgive. All too often we don't direct our anger properly and you can't forgive until you place the blame on the one at fault. And if you should be taking some of the blame and aren't then do so and forgive yourself, then you can find forgiveness for the other. Now if they are continuing to lie to you....then you'll never be able to forgive and heal until it stops.
2007-12-31 14:13:16 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might find this article I did on overcoming infidelity useful.
http://elementaltruths.blogspot.com/2006/10/after-infidelity.html
Reg Adkins of ElementalTruths.com
2007-12-31 13:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by Reg Adkins ElementalTruths.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay out of the relationship. if it has been 4 years and you cant seem to trust your significant other than you'll never be able. if they havent try to show you that you can trust them just leave.
its not worth it.
2007-12-31 13:52:35 · answer #8 · answered by lalala stacie. 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You never will. If he cheated on you then you will have a permanent scar on your heart.
2007-12-31 13:52:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What was the lie? I was with my ex six years and he constantly lied to me until i could take it no more however after 5 years of a strained friendship he is still declaring undying love for me..... If the lies are big then you'll have to seriously look at whether you can live with that, if they are tiny white ones you have to ask your self why, is it because of your reactions or whether thats what you want to hear and other half is trying to keep the peace?
2007-12-31 13:52:16 · answer #10 · answered by titannia1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋