A work colleague has just called me, her father in law has just died after a short battle against cancer.
She was sobbing her heart out and I just didn't know what to say.
I hope she knows I'll be there if she needs me but I didn't say it.
2007-12-31 05:11:58 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I'm fine Sparkles but selfishly I feel bad for not saying more, but all the answers so far have made it clearer as to what she may be going through. I will drop a card round tomorrow with a note telling her I'm there when she needs me.
2007-12-31 06:00:24 · update #1
friendship and understanding goes a long way .but never enter their space its for them to have for a while.
2007-12-31 06:06:45 · answer #1 · answered by country bumpkin [sheep nurse] 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It's always difficult M to know what to say to someone suffering a bereavement. Everybody is different in the way and how long they grieve. The best thing is to just listen to them, let them talk about the person they have lost and above all let them know you are there for them. Hope this helps.
2008-01-01 03:05:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-27 00:36:52 · answer #3 · answered by jaffar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes a card is nice gartom , but i tell what would really lift her spirit is a small bunch of flowers ,nothing expensive just to let her know you are there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on , Sometimes you can't say much to help someones grief , just lend an ear and let them do the talking it helps trust me xxx
2007-12-31 07:26:33 · answer #4 · answered by ♥BEX♥ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can't say much,Gartom if you didn't know him and you can't know how *she* is really feeling (no-one can except her) so you did the right thing just to listen.
You will have helped and therefore she may call again later when she may want to talk a little more probably about him and again you can only really listen unless she mentions something that you can really relate to.She may even be surprisingly upbeat and positive next time but don't take that as though she is over it - but do encourage that!
Sorry - I'm no expert on this subject - who is?
Send her a brief note/sympathy card to say you are there if she needs you - even if she doesn't call again that thought and potential support will be of comfort to her - believe you me.
Best wishes,
Joan.
You see - sometimes it's better to talk to someone outside of the immediate Family simply because they are not grieving like the Family will be and can just "lend an ear" without (naturally) getting all upset themselves although I appreciate that it is upsetting for anyone to hear someone else in distress so well done for listening and obviously being someone who in the past has given her confidence to be able to call you at this time.
2007-12-31 06:12:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
She phoned you because she knows you're a caring type of person and would find the time to let her talk. Yes, let HER talk-you LISTEN
Send the family a card and let them know that if you can help in any way you will.
Wait for HER to tell YOU what she wants
2007-12-31 05:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by nanny chris w 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is very definitely a grieving process that follows a similar psychological route in all persons, so therefore knowledge of this will help a person grieve. Your friend is in the first stages of grief so will be experiencing shock, anger and disbelief at this time, she may hate the person that had died for leaving her, may hate herself for hating them, all kinds of stuff. Just let her know that whatever she is feeling at present is what she is feeling, not rational just unrestrained emotion. Stick around and just "be with" for now.
2007-12-31 05:50:25 · answer #7 · answered by bletherskyte 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing you Can say babe- she just needs you to listen- Love Jo xx
2007-12-31 05:45:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
There is no wrong or right way the same as there is no right or wrong way to actually greive everyone is different.
She obviously felt close enought to phone you and pour her heart out and just letting her cry to be honest is best as sometimes it is hard to cry with the people that are concerened because you feel you have to be the strong one and do not like to cry in case you make them worst. Crying with you like she did would have helped her a lot. Text her and say how sorry you are and anytime she want just call you and you will do what you can. Send her a card to acknowledge her grief as that will mean a lot. You did the right thing and that was just be on the end of the phone.
2007-12-31 05:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by momof3 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt say there is a right or wrong way, just whatever you feel comfortable with. In my opinion, I would appreciate having someone to talk to who doesnt offer solutions or suggestions - just listens. Let your friend know you are there for her by sending a card and putting your phone number in for when she needs to talk again.
2007-12-31 05:24:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you will always be there to listen if she ever needs someone to talk to. Its 19 years ago today that my Grandad died and I told my mum that he had died. Im also grieving for the loss of my Nana who died in October. Just answering your question has helped me grieve a bit more.
2007-12-31 05:21:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋