I need some help?

Question

My wife had a baby back in Sept of this year and we have been married since July. The problem is that I am absolutley at nerves end with this woman and her bit*ching about everything. Last night she surprised me during the night with a sexual favor. But then afterwards she starts bitching about various things.

It seems that I dont eat the right foods, I dont talk enough, I am more talkative with friends and family on the phone then her. I dont clean enough, I dont do this or that or I havent done this or that, etc.

I recently was diagnosed with high bp and I have no doubt the extra stress from her has contributed. My reading was 190/115. My hands tremble, I feel like I am going to explode because of anxiety.

I just dont understand why she cant understand that after a hard days work I would like to just relax some, play with my girl and just unwind. I dont care to talk about every little detail of my day.

I am also sick of hearing how I get to go out and socialize with the world while she has to stay home. I tell her the simple answer to that is to go get a job!!! And then you wont have to sit at home. I mean I would love to just sit at home but I dont.

I am to the point that I have found online where I can get a doctors consultation free and I am going to try and get some valliums just to try and calm my nerves.

But I must say if this is what marriage is like then it sucks and I encourage single men to stay single.

I know this is a lot of complaining. But I just need to get it out.

I am also so sick of her wanting me to make all of the decisions. I ask her and she just says "Well what do you want to do". I refuse to answer and she blows up.

I am also so fed up with her taking things out of proportion. I say something that seriously means nothing in a negative way and she turns it into some kind of insult from me.

Answer 1

Well, that is not what marriage is. That's what people are stuck with when they don't wait for the right person, the right time and the right reasons to marry. I know that you're just venting, but too many people on this site bash the institution of marriage because they, too, entered into it in ways that were far less than ideal.

I'm sorry for your troubles, really. You both have expectations that are not being met. Your child will detect this tension in the household and that is unhealthy for the little one. Once you are properly medicated, that should help. Your wife should be informed about your condition and be made to realize her part in it. Hopefully, she will be willing to adjust in a few ways that are reasonable to expect.

The real question is, do you and your wife want the marriage to work? If so, how badly? Sounds like you two need to sit down together and clear the air. Figure out how you can best meet her needs for quality time and acts of service and your needs for quiet time and physical intimacy. Counseling could also help if you are both willing to compromise and make some changes.

Once one of you begins to shift your focus off of self and onto the other person, that other person will likely feel loved and compelled to reciprocate. Now, who's going to make that first move?

Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm sorry...but it sounds to me as if YOU are the one b*tching!

Has she changed THAT much from the girl you married and got pregnant just a year or so ago?

You had a baby together..she is a stay-at-home mom by a decision you have made jointly and your suggestion to her is to "get a job?"

You get to sleep, shower alone, go to the bathroom alone, drive to work alone, go to work and socialize and have something more challenging than a rousing game of peek-a-boo or itsy-bitsy-spider to entertain you...then you get to drive home alone, get changed into comfortable (clean) clothes, coo at the baby, go to the bathroom alone and all she asks is that you come in and share some of your day with her???

That said....

She needs to be aware that you may have a stressful job and coming home to a needy wife, a messy home, a drippy baby and having high bp is NOT the optimum "lets think about YOU baby" moment.

Get a sitter, go out...pamper her...talk to her about how you are feeling...let HER tell YOU how SHE is feeling.

Get your lives and the baby on a routine....and if she needs/wants to find a job..then discuss what it is that is going to be fulfilling to her, helpful to your home, beneficial to your child and not make your bp skyrocket.

Good Luck...take a deep breath...and see your doctor.

Answer 3

Sounds like you have an extremley controlling wife , Yes bieng a stay at home mom can be stressful and that by then end of the day she may want to have some adult conversation and stuff like that but she needs to back off a bit and understand that it's not good for your health or for the baby either

I totally understand that after a hard days work you just want to relax play with your daughter and unwind

I know in the relationship that i am in when he's at work i have the house cleaned and stuff and his supper ready and then after he's had a chance to relax and unwind a bit then we'll do stuff together

Because i know for him what he does is stressful and he just needs that time to sit down relax unwind


No that's not what marriage is like sounds like your wife just has some control issues

I dont' know why some women have them but they do

I would Straight up talk to her when the babys asleep and say look i need you to stop bitching at me it's doing anyone any good

Just say something like i understand and appreciate what you do for the family but You need to Understand And Appreciate What I do and the fact that After a hard days work

I just want to unwind and play with our daughter for a bit

And Just tell her Straight up about your Health Problems and say i can't Have this or else it will do me and us more damage

I would talk to your doctor let them know what's going on and i would encourage her to seek help from her doctor as well

Cause Some Women After they have a baby get what's call post pardum depression that could be part of it i dont' know

Whatever you do though dont' get the perscription online though if you need something for your nerves go to your doctor Because then he can monitor your condition

These online Pharmacies are dangerous in that they are not your family physician and they don't Monitor your condition

Your Physician needs to know what is happening with your condition and he may know what's right for you

I know this for a fact cause i have some medical conditions that affect what i am able to do and all that And sometimes what i think might be a good idea isn't medicine wise

Because there may be a chance of drug interaction and all that which could do way more problems in the long run

That and My aunt Has High Blood Pressure too so i am farmilar with it and i know that a high stress level only makes it worse

And i have a sezuire disorder and stress is a trigger for them to so i am farmiliar with this too

Answer 4

Sounds like your wife's harmones have not settled down yet and are still going nuts!!! You need to role with the punches and not let her get to you.....You have a child and that child is going demand your attention....I have been through what your are experienceing and to some extent its still going on....Be a man about and dont let it get to you.....Also remember you get to go to work and she is home all day with your daughter..Unless she has family or friends near by that come over to spend time with her maybe give her a break from baby duty your the only adult conversation she is going to have all day....You said you like to come home and realax after a hard day at work well do you give your wife time to realax after a hard day taking care of the baby?? Instead of you just coming home and relazxing why dont you take your daughter and tell your wife to go out or take a shower take a nap or do whatever she wants to do....have you spent an entire day with your daughter while your wife is out?? If you have not then maybe you should so you will get some idea of what your wife goes through every day while your at work....Also you stated that your wife nags you about "It seems that I dont eat the right foods, I dont talk enough, I am more talkative with friends and family on the phone then her. I dont clean enough, I dont do this or that or I havent done this or that, etc." WELCOME TO MARRIED LIFE WITH KIDS MY MAN!!! I get it to and I have been married 5 years and have 2 boys....Ok so now I do the wash, clean the house, take care of the rabbits cage, most of the time we do bath duty together, If my yougest son wakes up after 3 am I get up and take care of him (he is 11 months now) and I will just stay up for the day I commute 4hours aday to and from work....When she was home with the boys we would talk everyday via text messaging.....Oh I also have the high bp and anxiety too.....Its hard being a dad a provider and a husband so you need to do your best and commcate with your wife if she goes into post pardum depression that will make it twice as hard....Encourage you wife to get a hobby or maybe take your daughter to day care a couple days so she can get out and maybe go to the spa or have lunch with a friend or just enjoy the peace and quiet take a nap or get a few things done around the house...You really need to step up to the plate and start to give your wife the extra atteniton or its only going to get worse before it gets better....Good luck

Answer 5

I think you are in for a hell of a life with this woman. She is just a control freak who is undermining your confidence, your career and your health. Such people hardly ever change.

Go to your doctor and tell him what you told us, as evidence in case of divorce.

Then have a very serious talk with your wife. Tell her your mental and physical health is suffering and if you lose your job, all of you will be sunk.

If that does not do it, initiate steps for marriage counseling. (Another useful evidence of you doing your best).

If nothing helps much, go for divorce while the going is good and she cannot take you to the cleaners financially as well. You only live once. Do not spend it in slavery.

Answer 6

You need to straight up tell her to stop b*ching at you, its not helping your health and its not good for the baby to see this even if she is young. Of course you not talkative with her shes always complaining, i'm sure she has a a reason, but still it doesn't suffice, You need to seriously talk to her and tell her if she wants you to be in her life, she needs to calm down. I know divorce is never the answer but you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Good Luck <3

Answer 7

Being a stay at home first time mom, is very stressful too. It may become very overwhelming. Your wife feels out of control and she tries to control everything around her to compensate for her inner out of control feelings. That includes trying to control you.

She has a full time job taking care of your baby. She needs a little more attention from you when you get home. Just give her some when you get home, share some of your day with her. She needs to talk to an adult at least a little while each day. Give and you will get back some peace in return.

Answer 8

She has cabin fever. She wants to have adult conversations. Talk to her. It's not that hard to open your mouth and make words come out. Take the baby so she can go and spend time with friends and go have a beer. You can tell her to go out and do things but she needs to get away too. You get to go to work and get out of the house. She feels cooped up. She can't get a job with a baby in tow. Daycare for a little baby is expensive. A good daycare will cost more than she will make with a part time job. Daycares also don't do daily so you have to pay weekly. I know how you must hate having to deal with it. My husband was the same way. It's hard. Just talk to her and tell her what's going on with you. She is letting you make the decisions on what you want to do. Make the decision. She just wants to get out and be hassle free. She's trying to give you control. Take it.

Answer 9

I think she wants you to love her. I have caught myself being this way with my husband, and try not to be bitchy cuz it can bring a guy down, i know. Try to empathize with her - think about it - you are her link to the outside world. She wants to hear about your day, maybe get a sitter and take her out - and if she asks where you want to go, be glad that she lets you make decisions - she is maybe just trying it out to make you happy, and make you love her. try being super understanding and sensitive to her needs - if she does you a "favor" and starts bitching, just shhhhh her and give her a favor back ...

Answer 10

I would sit down and tell her exactly how i feel and leave it up to her to make a mends, she should if the marriage means anything to her. if you dont think you can talk to her - write everythin down in a letter and don't sugarcoat or leave anything out..tell her exactly how you feel..if she loves you and truly understands that she is literally making you sick...she will change....if not u must decide for yourself.....atleast you put everything out there and gave her the chance to make it right......