SPELL GRAMMAR CHECK AND REVISE AND WIN TEn POINTS?

Question

Long, long ago when the earth was still new, humanity had an extraordinary ability.
They were extremely power full. In fact the average human being could lift a thousand times their body weight. But the masters, were a whole different story. Every one hundred years a fighting tournament would take place. Participants included ten
thousand fearless competitors. After the first math 5,000 were eliminated,
5,000 moved to the next round. 2,500 were eliminated 2,500 moved on.
Matches would take place until the last ten men standing would be the masters.
The current master would mark future masters with the sign of nobility.
Once they were marked they would go in the sacred chambers and discuss the worlds current issues. One time, an argument took place and the masters had a huge disagreement. The disagreement was kept a secret amongst the masters.
However as a result one master was very angry and left the sacred chambers. Then something unexpected happened. When he punched the Earth people went shifting everywhere.
The place where my ancestors were shifted, the terrain was a maze.
And my ancestors had a hard time finding the way. We had nothing to eat and a lot of people died. Then God Shapkana appeared to them and said,“You are using 25% of your mind, learn to utilize the other 75% and you will find you way out of this maze”. And so my forefathers did. We lost our super strength, but developed a new power. With out brain, we were able to levitate ourselves and other inanimate things. When master Rahman punched the ground those living in the center temple stayed and kept their inferior strength. My people are the mindktoms. The inferior super strength people are known as the bodyktom and they attacked my forefather when we least expected it. They seek to expand their empire and have us live under their rule. But we wont let it happen. WE CANT LET IT HAPPEN. That’s why we fight in this war. WE WILL EXPAND OUR EMPIRE. I fight for the honor and the respect for my ktom. The people who shifted west are enemies to us also. The might try to trick you with their pacific ways. However we mindktoms are to intelligent to be tricked. We know their up to something, cleaverly ploting out our demise. The inferior soulktoms somehow when they shifted west, develop the power to disappear and strike you a thousand times and reappear in a blink of an eye. Though they may not seem like it they are seeking to take over our empire!
But we will show them WHO THE SUPREME KTOM IS, the mindktoms.
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Answer 1

Long, long ago, when the earth was still new, humanity had an extraordinary ability.

Man was extremely powerful. In fact, the average human being could lift a thousand times his body weight. But the masters were a whole different story.

Every one hundred years a fighting tournament would take place. Participants included ten thousand fearless competitors. After the first match, 5,000 competitors were eliminated, and 5,000 moved to the next round. In the next round, 2,500 were eliminated and 2,500 continued. Matches would continue until the last ten men standing were marked as future masters. (If that's what those two sentences meant.)

Once they were marked, they would go in the sacred chambers and discuss the worlds current issues. One time, the masters had a huge disagreement, which they kept secret.

However, one master was very angry and left the sacred chambers. Then something unexpected happened. He punched the Earth and people went shifting everywhere.
The place where my ancestors were shifted, had a terrain that was a maze.

My ancestors had a hard time finding the way. We had nothing to eat and many died. Then God Shapkana appeared to them and said, “You are using 25% of your mind. Learn to use the other 75%, and you will find your way out of this maze”. And so my forefathers did. We lost our super strength, but developed a new power. With our brains, we were able to levitate ourselves and inanimate objects. When master Rahman punched the ground, those living in the center temple stayed and kept their inferior strength.

My people are the mindktoms. The **inferior super strength** people are known as the bodyktom, and they attacked my forefathers when we least expected it. They sought to expand their empire and subjugate us. But we won't let it happen. WE CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN.

That’s why we fight in this war. WE WILL EXPAND OUR EMPIRE. I fight for the honor and the respect for my ktom. The people who shifted west are enemies to us also. They might try to trick you with their peaceful ways. However we mindktoms are too intelligent to be deceived. We know they're up to something, cleaverly plotting our demise.

Somehow, when the inferior soulktoms shifted west, they developed the power to disappear, strike you a thousand times, and reappear in a blink of an eye. Though they may not seem capable, they are attempting to take over our empire!

But we will show them WHO THE SUPREME KTOM IS: the mindktoms.

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First, there should be two spaces after a period.

Watch out for "they're, there, their" and "you're, your"...I corrected a couple of those. They're means they are. There refers to a place. Their means belonging to them. You're means you are. Your means belonging to you.

Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. That's a mnemonic device to reming you that you don't end a sentence with a preposition. With is a preposition.

Be careful of sentence fragments. There were a lot of them.

Be sure to keep the tenses of verbs and persons of nouns and pronouns consistent. For example, you say With our brain, and it should be with our brains -- unless you're the Borg. Another thing I changed was "The average human being...their body weight." I made it "average human...his weight."

Spelling errors! I would think they were mostly careless typing, but those errors will cost you points with a teacher.

Try not to use the same phrasing more than once in a paragraph, and definitley not more than once in a sentence.

At the end of an early paragraph, you say but the masters were a different story. I think you might want to eliminate that, because what follows isn't really a different story. A different story would be that they weren't as strong. But you go on to say how the masters are chosen through competitions of strength, which is still relating to strength. Different would be if they were chosen by intelligence or wisdom or anything other than strength.

I combined the two sentences below, but I'm not sure I understood what you were saying.

"Matches would take place until the last ten men standing would be the masters. The current master would mark future masters with the sign of nobility."

There were paragraphs all over the place that shouldn't have been paragraphs, and vice versa. Be sure to put a blank line between paragraphs for clarity.

Avoid using pretentious words like utilize. There's seldom an occassion that "use" isn't good enough.

If you use CAPITAL LETTERS for emphasis too MANY TIMES, it makes the EMPHASIS less emphatic.

Read the whole thing outloud. That's the best way to see if it makes sense and flows.

Good luck.

Feel free to disregard all the above if it doesn't appeal to you.

Answer 2

Dear Mom As of September 15 2008 I would like to become a vegetarian. Healthy diets support a lifetime of good health and provide protection against numerous diseases, including our country’s three biggest killers: heart disease, cancer, and strokes. People following proper diets have “lower rates of death from ischemic heart disease; … lower blood cholesterol levels, lower blood pressure, and lower rates of hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and prostate and colon cancer”. Well-planned diets provide us with all the nutrients that we need. You may wonder why don’t eat (some of) the vegetables you provide me with such as broccoli and okra. As I told you before I like the taste of broccoli when it is uncooked I do however don’t like okra but there are a lot of different vegetables I do enjoy such as tomatoes, celery, carrots, and cucumbers. As for fruits I enjoy Strawberries, bananas, grapes, peaches, pears, pineapples, oranges, tangerines, grapefruit, watermelons, cantaloupes, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and apples . You also might be thinking where would I get my source of protein ? While virtually all vegetarian foods contain some protein, soybeans deserve special mention. Soybeans are a food that is ubiquitous and strongly antigenic. It is one that you should avoid eating because of the problems that it causes. The human body is able to digest 92 percent of the protein found in meat and 91 percent of the protein found in soybeans.(6) The availability of many different and delicious soy products (e.g., tempeh, tofu, and soy-based varieties of hot dogs, burgers, and ice cream) in grocery and health-food stores suggests that the soybean, in its many forms, can accommodate a wide range of tastes (if you can get it down your throat!). --------------------------------------... There are other concerns that you need to address: Soy is one thing. Have you TASTED tofu and that other crap? The taste is horrible! Protein is one component of diet. There are others - vitamins are another. You will have trouble getting some of the B vitamins and cofactors.

Answer 3

Long, long ago when the earth was still new, humanity had an extraordinary ability:
they were extremely powerful. In fact the average human being could lift a thousand times their body weight. The masters, however, were a whole different story. Every hundred years a fighting tournament would take place, during which ten thousand fearless humans would compete against one another. After the first match 5,000 were eliminated. After the second match, 2,500 of the 5,000 were eliminated. The remaining competitors would move on. Matches would take place until only ten people remained. They would become the masters. The current master would mark future masters with the sign of nobility. Once they were marked they would go into the sacred chambers and discuss the world’s current issues. At one point, an argument took place and the masters had a huge disagreement, but it was kept a secret and no one but the masters knew of this quarrel. However, as a result of the fight, one master became extremely angry and left the sacred chambers. Then, something happened that no one expected. When he punched the Earth, people went shifting everywhere.
*The place where my ancestors were shifted was like a maze, and my ancestors had a hard time finding the way. We had nothing to eat and a lot of people died. Then God Shapkana appeared to them and said, “You are using 25% of your mind, learn to utilize the other 75% and you will find you way out of this maze”. And so my forefathers did. We lost our super strength, but developed a new power. With our brain, we were able to levitate ourselves and other inanimate things**. When master Rahman punched the ground, those living in the center temple stayed and kept their inferior strength. My people are the mindktoms. The inferior super strength people are known as the bodyktom and they attacked my forefather when we least expected it. They seek to expand their empire and have us live under their rule. But we won’t let it happen. WE CANT LET IT HAPPEN. That’s why we fight in this war. WE WILL EXPAND OUR EMPIRE. I fight for the honor and the respect for my ktom. The people who shifted west*** are enemies to us also. The might try to trick you with their pacific ways. However we mindktoms are too intelligent to be tricked. We know their up to something, cleverly plotting out our demise. The inferior soulktoms somehow when they shifted west, develop the power to disappear and strike you a thousand times and reappear in a blink of an eye. Though they may not seem like it they are also seeking to take over our empire!
But we will show them WHO THE SUPREME KTOM IS. It is us, the mindktoms.
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Okay, I copied and pasted it and fixed it as best as I could.
Also, there were certain parts of your essay that I offered suggestions on. I marked those parts with stars:
*At this point in the essay, you switch your point of view. You now talk about the "mindktoms" as YOUR people and all, while in the previous half of the essay, you were merely talking about it from an omnipotent view, in general. Just keep the point of view you started with. Fix the paragraphs which use things like "I" and "my" and so on. Make it from third-person, and instead of saying 'WE CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN," say that the mindktoms were determined in coming out in victory over the others or something.
**Humans are not inanimate. And 'levitate' means to climb or go up. Did the mindktoms were going through a maze, not up a mountain. Think of a different word to use or just say that "they were able to think their way out of the maze." something to that effect.
***It'd be great if you had a name for "those you shifted west." I liked the mindktoms, bodyktoms and soulktoms name thing and all, but i didnt like how "those who shifted west" didn't have a name.

Good luck!!
Hope I helped!!

Answer 4

Long, long ago, when the earth was still new, humanity had an extraordinary ability. They were extremely powerful. In fact, the average human being could lift a thousand times their body weight. However, the Masters were a whole different story. Every one hundred years a fighting tournament would take place. Participants included ten thousand fearless competitors. After the first match 5,000 were eliminated and
5,000 moved to the next round. 2,500 were eliminated after the second round and 2,500 moved on. Matches would take place until the last ten men standing would be the masters. The current master would mark future masters with the sign of nobility.

Once they were marked they would go in the sacred chambers and discuss the world’s current issues. One time, an argument took place and the masters had a huge disagreement. The disagreement was kept a secret amongst the masters.However as a result one master was very angry and left the sacred chambers. Then something unexpected happened. When he punched the Earth, people went shifting everywhere. The place where my ancestors were shifted, the terrain was a maze. My ancestors had a hard time finding the way. We had nothing to eat and a lot of people died. Then God Shapkana appeared to them and said, “You are using 25% of your mind, learn to utilize the other 75% and you will find you way out of this maze,” and so my forefathers did. We lost our super strength, but developed a new power. With our brains, we were able to levitate ourselves and other inanimate things. When master Rahman punched the ground those living in the center temple stayed and kept their inferior strength. My people are known as the Mindktoms.

The inferior super strength people are known as the Bodyktom and they attacked my forefathers when they least expected it. They seek to expand their empire and have us live under their rule, but we won’t let it happen. We can’t let it happen! That’s why we fight in this war. We will expand our empire!

I fight for the honor and the respect for my Ktom. The people who shifted west are enemies to us also. They might try to trick you with their pacific ways. However we Mindktoms are too intelligent to be tricked. We know they’re up to something, cleverly plotting out our demise. The inferior Soulktoms, when they shifted west, developed the power to disappear and strike a thousand times and reappear in a blink of an eye. Though they may not seem like it, they are seeking to take over our empire!

But we will show them who the supreme Ktoms are, the Mindktoms!

Answer 5

Long ago, when the earth was still new, humanity had an extraordinary ability (to do what?). They were extremely powerful. In fact the average human being could lift a thousand times their body weight. The masters were a whole different story. Every 25,000 years a Fighting tournament would take place. Participants included ten thousand fearless competitors. After the first matches, 5,000 participants were eliminated, 5,000 moved to the next round. (Needs a start of the sentence) 2500 were eliminated 2500 moved on. Matches would take place until the last ten men standing would become the masters. The current masters would mark future masters with the sign of nobility. Once they were marked they would go in the sacred chambers and discuss the worlds current issues. One time an argument took place and the masters had a serious disagreement. The disagreement was kept silent amongst the masters, however as a result one master was extremely angry and left the sacred chambers. Then something unexpected happened when he punched the Earth People went shifting everywhere the place where my ancestors were shifted the terrain was a maze. God, Shapkana, appeared to them and said "You are only using 25% of your mind, learn how to utilize the other 75% and you will find your way out this maze" and so my forefathers did. We lost our super strength, but developed a new power with our brainpower. We were able to levitate (consider using a different word, such as shape-shift) ourselves and other inanimate things. When master, Rahman, punched the ground those living in the center temple stayed and kept their super strength. My people are the mindktom. The super strength people are bodyktom, and they attacked my forefathers when they least expected it. They once attacked my forefathers’ temples and destroyed everything. That's why I fight in this war, for the honor and respect for my ktom (might want to use my kind). The people who shifted west are enemies to us. They developed a power to disappear, strike you a thousand times and reappear in a blink of an eye. They think their gift is superior to ours that is why we are at war with them. We will show that we are superior.

Answer 6

I revised it, spell, and grammar, and checked it

Long, long ago when the earth was still new, humanity had an extraordinary ability.
They were extremely power full. In fact the average human being could lift a thousand times their body weight. But the masters were a whole different story. Every one hundred years a fighting tournament would take place. Participants included ten
thousand fearless competitors. After the first math 5,000 were eliminated,
5,000 moved to the next round. 2,500 were eliminated 2,500 moved on.
Matches would take place until the last ten men standing would be the masters.
The current master would mark future masters with the sign of nobility.
Once they were marked they would go in the sacred chambers and discuss the world’s current issues. One time, an argument took place and the masters had a huge disagreement. The disagreement was kept a secret amongst the masters.
However as a result one master was very angry and left the sacred chambers. Then something unexpected happened. When he punched the Earth people went shifting everywhere.
The place where my ancestors were shifted, the terrain was a maze.
And my ancestors had a hard time finding the way. We had nothing to eat and a lot of people died. Then God Shaken appeared to them and said,” You are using 25% of your mind, learn to utilize the other 75% and you will find you way out of this maze”. And so my forefathers did. We lost our super strength, but developed a new power. With out brain, we were able to levitate ourselves and other inanimate things. When Master Raman punched the ground those living in the center temple stayed and kept their inferior strength. My people are the mind toms. The inferior super strength people are known as the body tom and they attacked my forefather when we least expected it. They seek to expand their empire and have us live under their rule. But we won’t let it happen. WE CAN’T LET IT HAPPEN. That’s why we fight in this war. WE WILL EXPAND OUR EMPIRE. I fight for the honor and the respect for my tom. The people who shifted west are enemies to us also. The might try to trick you with their pacific ways. However we mind toms are to intelligent to be tricked. We know their up to something, cleverly plotting out our demise. The inferior soul toms somehow when they shifted west, develop the power to disappear and strike you a thousand times and reappear in a blink of an eye. Though they may not seem like it they are seeking to take over our empire!
But we will show them WHO THE SUPREME TOM IS, the mind toms.

Answer 7

put it in something else and then do the spell check. it was too long for me.

Answer 8

E....

Answer 9

Offer me 100 points and I'll do it...that is really long!!!

Answer 10

Put your text into MS Word and run the spelling/grammar check. Then, have a friend or family member review it.

I get paid good money to edit other people's work. 10 points just isn't worth it.