I was with the same guy for 6 years (lived with for 3) and this past August, he finally asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes and for the most part we were very happy. Well on Christmas eve we got into a fight. After much proding on his part (calling me childish) I said the relationship might almost be over and he said it was. So I took off the ring and gave it back to him, all the while not really meaning it. I got the ring back but he says it's still over and he wants me to move out. He says we both have growing up to do and he doesn't want to be a burdon to me anymore. Yet I can't stop loving him and caring about him. He says he doesn't anymore. How could his feelings change so fast? We've been so happy and had many plans for the future.
2007-12-31 02:19:26 · 17 answers · asked by gothicbabe2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Perhaps his feelings didn't change as fast as it appears...it could be that he may have regretted asking you to marry him and was looking for a way out. Or it could be that he is just very angry...so angry that he wants to hurt you and calling things off is his way of doing so.
Given that the big fight was so recent, it may be worth having one more talk with him, like just as the new year rings in. You could say that you would like to start anew this "New" year, and see if he is willing to do so. Hopefully, he is. If not, then I'm afraid the only choice is to try to move on.
2007-12-31 02:23:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"First & foremost...don't lose hope! Secondly, don't get desperate, men can sense it. Third, try changing things, for example, try dating men of different age bracket, different race/culture, try doing things differently (if u slept with the guy on the 1st date then for the next guy don't repeat this, wait maybe 3,4, or 10 dates till u have sex with him, get it?) It's something you need to figure out yourself....maybe ur doing something wrong or maybe it's simply you're just attracting the wrong type of guy. If necessary, start taking care of yourself...it's cruel but it's reality...physical attraction comes before love."
"Married for 10 yrs, separated for 2 yrs. Was also in a relationship for 1 yr plus...yet cannot regret, he taught me lots whether good or bad. Now I'm back dating...a bit wiser a bit cautious :) enjoying all that life has to offer"
2007-12-31 11:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by !@#$% 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate drama, and it almost always backfires. Never write checks with your mouth, that your butt can't cash. He may have been loking for an "out" for quite some time now.
2007-12-31 11:20:19 · answer #3 · answered by that judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants you to move out then leave!! Never stay in a place or situation where you are not wanted!!! You can love him from a distance
2007-12-31 11:13:44 · answer #4 · answered by vonsmommie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all say and do things in the heat of an argument that we regret later. All the while, never realizing how these things might impact the future of our relationships. I have said it so many times before. It is letting instant emotion effect long term decisions. His feelings have not changed. He still loves and wants to marry you. He will look back at this and regret every decision he is making. We all have our stubborn ways. Most times, we are stubborn at different times. We agree to disagree just so we can say "I won." In the end, you both lose.
2007-12-31 10:50:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your question is telling- you were happy "for the most part." Maybe you weren't quite as happy as you think you were, but you were trying to make it work because you had been together for so long.
And if you loved him as much as you say you do, why was it so easy for you say the relationship was over, and to hand him back his ring?I think that you are both very unsure, and this fight brought out your true feelings.
You might still have love for him and care for him, but that doesn't mean you should be married. Reflect on the relationship and think about what you did right, and what you did wrong, and use it a learning experience.
2007-12-31 10:32:43 · answer #6 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's soon to be expecting the love to go away. Don't you wonder if perhaps he began to panic after he asked you to marry him?
So he goaded you into bringing up the ending the relationship issue. He seems rather manipulative.
When you say "for the most part we were very happy" it's time to look at what the other part was. It may well help to write all this down - and it's much cheaper than therapy.
I have to say I think you are probably better off if he broke up on Christmas Eve, asked you to move during the holidays and called you a name (childish).
2007-12-31 10:29:59 · answer #7 · answered by pinky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why I always say to be careful with ultimatums. When you give them you always have to be prepared that you may not get the answer or reaction that you want.
Guys don't deal with ultimatums (or rejection) very well. Most aren't able to rebound from that as quickly as we can. I'd say to continue to talk to him about it and see if you can work things out. Be completely honest and direct.
Good luck to you!
2007-12-31 10:29:39 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki Sense 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's over yet. First fight you have during marige and you just want to give up. My gosh what do you call that LOVE or Bluff. You don't just opt and run away.
2007-12-31 10:28:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's probably hard to move on
because you know in your heart you're not supposed to
who knows what's with him
well
maybe he does
so talk to him
and give it some time
even some space if you have to
it's just one of those things that the two of you have to fix
hopefully it'll end up strengthening your relationship
^^
good luck
...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
2007-12-31 10:27:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋