Is this wrong or not? Respect question.?

Question

Let's say you have an opinion about something that you feel very strong about. (we'll use gambling in this discussion) Your significant other knows that you are opposed to gambling which takes away financially from your family. You've expressed yourself and this issue has even caused medical problems for you (high blood pressure) but to no concern (you feel) they continue.
Does this mean to you that the other person basically just doesn't care about your feelings or are you just being too mean?
Answer honestly. I don't use names for my research just answers.
Thank you in advance and Happy 2008!
Please note that I am asking this for research purposes only. I'm gathering information about marriage and relationships in general.

Answer 1

I'd be getting rid of that spouse. No one is gonna put stress in my life like that.

Answer 2

Funny you should ask. I'm going thought the same thing right now!!! I think they may care about what you are saying but its just like a drug. Its an addiction!!! and in order to really have the problem solved they must seek professional help!!!

Answer 3

This is a tough one because it touches on so many things people get involved with -- besides gambling, there's porn, smoking, drugs, and all kinds of other things. As a matter of fact, it is believed that the reason why Ted Turner broke up with his wife Jane Fonda was because she became involved in religion, and Ted believes "Christianity is a religion for losers." (An actual quote.)

I don't think it's the case that the other person doesn't care about me, nor that I'm being mean. I think the question boils down to one of values. It is important to my spouse to do this (whatever "this" is). It is important to me that she NOT do this. In this case, there is no room for compromise -- there must be a "winner" and a "loser".

My wife and I have a few real examples. She smokes, but I wish she would quit. She will not quit, even though I worry about her health. Winner: my wife. It's an individual decision and I'm not going to break up with her over it. I don't feel like it says anything about her not caring about my feelings.

Years ago, I had a sex addiction and got caught cheating. I loved sex, but my addiction had to go. I started going to 12-step meetings until I got it under control. I didn't think it was mean to be forced to face my addiction.

Answer 4

You are using gambling, that as many other things is an addiction, such as drugs and or alcohol, I would seperate addictive behavior from non addictive behavior. The two can not be compared with any degree of accuracy.

Answer 5

Sounds to be like it is a control issue. I don't tell my husband what to do and he doesn't tell me what to do. Now don't get me wrong we have a wonder relationship. We have been together for quite a long time.

Answer 6

if we are using gambling as the example, then I'd say the compromise we would have to come to would be to set a budget for the gambling--both time and financial--and stick to it. This would show that I respect my partner's past time/choice of downtime and him accepting the limits shows that he respects my feelings and the resources for our life together. If he doesn't agree to the limits, then I would have to assume that he has an addiction to gambling. (see below)

If the gambling is out of control and the person with the gambling problem will not seek out help or agree to limits, then for my health--both physical and financial--is more important than his addiction and I would leave the relationship. When someone suffers from an addiction, they are not themselves and don't care about anyone or anything except their next high/rush/ whatever it is they get from the addiction.

Answer 7

If you express a concern to your spouse and they ignore you that is a sign that they do not respect you. New habits that can hurt the marriage or household cannot be ignored. Activities that cause stress in a marriage should be addressed.

On the other hand, if your spouse engaged in the behavior before the two of you got together and you are expecting a change in the person, then you are expecting too much.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 8

I really feel that if you have a very valid reason for opposing your significant others habits...and they continue to indulge in a behavior that is hurtful to you....it shows a total lack of respect for their partner....

Any addiction requires therapy to overcome that addiction....and if the someone refuses therapy....Then again it is showing a disrespect to their spouse by not seeking the help that they need....

Answer 9

From a women to a man, he is being rebellious. He may know the truth and know that you are right. But she is imposing on his free will. He cares, but more about his pride.

Answer 10

I would hope that my spouse's behavior would be influenced by my desires, but I know that I cannot control what any other person does. My health depends on me and how I choose to react to the situation.

If the subject matter was potentially detrimental to the marriage and/or family, that's a different story. Someone has to be the adult. I would consider it wrong of a spouse to do something know to be harmful to the family. He/she should be made to realize (perhaps through facts, studies and case histories) the dangers of the behavior and then not put him/herself in the position of being tempted--or at least moderate the activity. Ideally, the harmful activity should be replaced by a more positive activity--that perhaps both spouses can enjoy.

If that doesn't work, counseling or medical treatment may be required.

Answer 11

This has NOTHING to do with respect.
Gambling is as much an addiction as drugs and alcohol.
It requires treatment.