How do I work on my jealousy...?

Question

I love my husband I really do but after miscarriging for the second time every little thing is bothering me. I am becoming enrage with jealousy and female friends. I feel overwhelmed always crying and down. I know he tries to understand it's just hard for him. I am tired of crying and being upset I need some sort of help. What can I do to get over the miscarriage and get back to be a good friend, lover and wife.

I guess what bothers me the most is the whole everything happens for a reason line I hear from people or you weren't ready for another child or your still young you can have more children. I just want someone to listen and too understand my doctor has not prescribed me meds cause she says its just postpartum depression cause of my horomones mine you I am feeling more and more miserable.

Answer 1

Oh, honey, I'm sorry for your loss.

This is one of those things that time has to take care of. You are aware of the situation and that is a plus. You're hormones are out of whack from the pregnancy and that's part of the reason why you are feeling things to such an extreme degree. The other reason is you've just suffered a great disappointment and loss and you've chosen to focus on your jealousy rather than deal with the grief of the loss of the pregnancy and all of your hopes and dreams for the future with that baby.

Grieve for your loss. Every time you feel jealousy for some woman, turn it to your sadness at losing the baby--because that is what you are avoiding. Talk to your husband, talk to your mom, friends, doctor, clergy. Just talk to someone about it.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

I dont dought that you love your hubby, & Im sure having two miscarriages was awful, I know, as I had one, but you cant get thru tough times by feeling sorry for yourself & being bitter, as the only thing your doing is causing your own self & hubby more grief & stress, so what I will recomend to you is to seek out some therapy, talking with someone other then friends, family or your husband can make the difference. Also read up on ways to relax, meditation works very well as does excersise & eating healthy. Lets face it your poor body has been thru alot of stress, so its time for you to tend to your body & then everything else should fall back into place. But do stop crying & looking like a weak woman in front of your hubby, as he will begin to start resenting you & he will grow distant from you, & then thats when the problems arise. So go do what you must to pull yourself back together again, & remember that theirs no changing the past, but you can change your future!

Answer 3

I am sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve and time to be alone.

Let me tell you my story:
I miscarried twins at 14 weeks. I did not want to talk to anyone. I did not want to see anyone. How could my husband feel the loss like I did, it was my body and MY babies that were lost? None of my friends had experienced a miscarriage. My mom hadn't had a miscarriage. Those were my babies and no one understood that it wasn't "for a good reason because something could have been wrong with them". People didn't understand that "I was young and could have more children". At that point, I didn't want to hear that "time heals all wounds". People mean well but sometimes you just want to scream and keep to yourself.
I went into the house. Did not accept visitors for about a week. Refused to answer the phone and I had me a really good "me time" and pity party.

THEN........I realized that as hard as it was, life must go on. I made those contacts with friends. Realized that it was my husbands babies too. I thanked them for giving me the time that I needed to grieve.......I still had hard days, but it slowly got easier. That was 11 years ago and I still remember my children, but the pain has eased with time. I have 2 children. My daughter has Autism (so I really would take those babies EVEN if they were not perfect). My son is just like me.......crazy little fellow:).............

Give yourself time to grieve. Talk to friends. Talk to your Pastor. Talk to a counselor. Talk to your doctor. Remember. Your spouse lost those babies too.............

The jealousy will become less as you heal.

Bless you.

Answer 4

YOU NEED TO STOP STRESSING!!!!!

THAT is THE reason this is happening to you!!

You need to RELAX, slow down, take it easy!!!! IF you keep thinking NEGATIVE thoughts about yourself and of everyone who CARES about you, this cycle cannot be stopped! BREAK THE CYCLE!

Look, these things happen for a REASON. Stressed out negative thinking women should NOT get pregnant OR be Mothers - don't you agree?

Find a good Yoga class, take walks, go shopping and buy yourself some new clothes, get a massage, have your nails done, do things NICE for yourself and for your friends and family. GIVE nice things, and nice things will come to you.
PRETEND you are a magnet - - everything you say and DO, will come back on you -

CHILL girlfriend, and thank your Higher Power every day for being alive. Things WILL change, but it all STARTS with YOU. MAKE your SELF the most inviting place to START new life.

PEACE be with you.

Answer 5

Develop a habit of not looking back. What is gone is gone, there is no point in worrying about it. You may be unhappy sometimes if you have knowingly harmed anyone but if wrong things happen without your fault then there is no point in worrying about it. The things that can not change by your being sad or crying, there is no point in being sad or crying.
Aim of life is to be happy and live the every moment with happiness. So try to divert your attention towrds something that gives you happiness and does not make anyone else unhappy.

Answer 6

Share your cares and concerns and ask your hubby to help you. Let him pray for you. Teach him how you want to be treated. Realize that he is seeking something of the friendships he has outside of you. Discover what he is needing right now. And give it to him. I know you are in need of his attention. So give him what he needs so that he'll give you what you need. Teach him how to give to you. ON the miscarriage, seek out a small group and ask you hubby to attend with you.

Answer 7

I am truly sorry for your miscarriage. I have never had one. My mother had one and you will forever miss your child.You should it is yours. But life goes on. Your pain will not be as great someday any you will continue to live.

As far as jealousy, your husband should not have female friends. He should take your feelings to heart. You should provide all of the female friendship he needs. Men like to have something to fall back on, and call them FRIENDS.

Perhaps marriage counseling would help him understand your feelings and you all can work on a healthy marriage.

Answer 8

You need some counseling and maybe even meds (short-term or long-term)...I experienced the suicide of my 2nd husband (he shot himself in my presence) and he died 12 days later in my arms at the hospital. I suffered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) but didn't realize it until I sought help for my nightmares, sensitivity to loud noises, etc..I was put on Prozac and went into counseling...8 years later I am still on Prozac having been found to have a low Serotonin level in my brain exacerbated by the PTSD. I now feel "normal" and both the meds and counseling helped me tremendously....
You made the first step in acknowledging you have a problem, your next step is seeking help for it....and only YOU can do it....do it for YOU...and the rest will fall in line..
Good luck....

Answer 9

surround yourself with people you love and lean on them. and remember as one door closes another slams in your face. or so i,m told

Answer 10

Speak to your doctor about this and he/she can arrange for you to get some professional help. Try not to be too up-set, your self -image has taken a knock, and you will feel down because the hormone levels in your body will be changing.

Answer 11

You need to stop beating yourself up about it. Look maybe it is not your time to have a baby. You may need to talk to someone about this and release all that stress that is on your mind, your heart and on your body.

Maybe go to a yoga class or start meditation. Thank, God, for helping you because your heart aches and you need to be with the person who is your best friend. This man loves you.

Release all that unhappiness and embrace yourself and your hubby again.