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I just got married and me and my husband were very excited. For some reason lately we havent really been communicating very well. Were starting to sleep with out holding each other anymore and we havent been talking lately. He just switched jobs we had worked together and worked well together. We got in an arguement and he said some not so nice things to me, he apologized and got me roses and really apologized but for some reason every since then I havent been able to feel the same. He didnt call me any names or anything but we're having a new baby and I have two young children 1 and 2 yrs old and work 45-50hrs a wk. I dont have energy to do house work exc.. so I feel like I am about to break down b/c I want to make sure eveything gets done.He helps clean exc..but its still overwhelming to me. I dont know what to do we just got married and shouldnt it still be peaches and cream. Should we do counseling or what he says he doesnt want to argue and we havent since just not really talking.

2007-12-30 23:42:57 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

22 answers

It sounds like stress has overcome your honeymoon period in your marriage. Since you are having trouble speaking and his words really hurt you, you should go to a marriage counselor.

The counselor will help you develop methods to deal with anger and to express yourselves to each other. After about six months of counseling things should get much better.

Take care,
Troy

2007-12-31 02:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0 0

Lots of changes and lots of stress. I would recommend you two have a nice quiet night together. Get a baby sitter if you can. Go out to a nice place, nice meaning the food is served on real plates. It doesn't have to be expensive, but somewhere you can sit next to each other. Start by talking about how it was to date and the excitement and happiness getting married brought. Then move on to the changes and the stress that has brought out. Tell him you want to make sure you keep the happiness and the excitement part of the rest of your life together, and see what you and he can do together to make that happen.

On the plus side, you guys had a fight. No names were called, proper apologies were made. You guys are better off then you think. People in marriages often make two common mistakes. One is to never have a fight, yep thats a mistake. If you never fight, by fight I mean argue, that means you are both probably keeping some hard feelings inside and eventually you will explode over something minor or trivial and that is hard to get over. The other is to have a win at all cost mentality when they do argue, names are called bad things get said. You guys avoided that so pats on the back for being mature about it.

Married life is not all strawberries and cream, but it doesn't mean that it can't be that way some of the time either. Have a nice meal, have an important calm conversation and have a happy life.

2007-12-31 03:03:44 · answer #2 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 0 0

Hi, you're a hard worker :) Keep in mind your man most likely has no idea of what to do or what to say. He has not come to grips with the amount of effort involved with a marriage and may be looking to you for happiness and support. Support yes, happiness he has to find. Seek comfort from your marriage, not daily happiness. I think the best thing to do is remember you are still two people even though you got married. You both have still have your own hopes and dreams and likes and dislikes and fears and comforts. Remind each other it's OK to have your own thoughts, but always be respectful to each other and give each other space when it's needed. But most of all remember you will be tested throughout your life/marriage and all you need to do is PASS... you don't need straight A's. Second, your life situations will change, remind him and yourself that everything is temporary and gets better with time (sometimes years) but it does get better).

2007-12-31 01:25:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

welcome to the wonderful boring then divorce world of marriage

2007-12-31 01:22:51 · answer #4 · answered by LivingMyLife 5 · 0 1

hey WELCOME to marriage. Fights happen, its life. Have you ever seen a couple that doesnt fight, and is all lovey dovey ALL the time...it makes me wanna vomit. Fighting(Arguing) is healthy in a relationship. . Just try and hire a cleaning lady to help you around the house. Good Luck on your babies...and damn girl....try going a couple years in between kids....you'll have three in diapers. I wish I couple help you out.....happy New Year.

2007-12-31 01:14:13 · answer #5 · answered by Leannamick 5 · 0 0

"Shouldn't it still be peaches and cream?" This is really a false expectation, when two individuals are living together and labouring under all the demands of work, finances, and family, it never is "peaches and cream". Did you think that you would never disagree? That you would just cruise in and all would go like clockwork?

Now, pull yourself together and realize that you are in a state of fluctuating hormones that will make things seem worse than they are, your husband is also dealing with a lot of anxiety due to the pregnancy. Also, if you are working 45-50 hours a week who is raising your children? Cut back your hours, tend to the children, focus housework efforts on the main parts of the house--living room. kitchen and YOUR bedroom, just spot clean the rest. Let go of the carryover grudge you are holding because your husband vented. And start having realistic expectations.

2007-12-31 00:32:15 · answer #6 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0 0

Where does your husband fall in this equation? You have 3 kids, 1, 2 and another on the way. Ok, you worked together and you are working 45-50 hrs a week. Why so many hours? Sorry, lady, marriage is not peaches and cream that is why those vows are important. For better or worse. Let your husband be part of your priority. When the kids are asleep, spend time with him. I think you should have waited say 10-15 years to have the other kid. That household is stressed and it seems that having another kid which is a blessing was not a good idea. You need time with him. ' Your HUSBAND. '

2007-12-31 00:24:59 · answer #7 · answered by CJ 4 · 0 0

Wow. With your schedule, I don't think I would be breathing. Look, you have been pregnant for at least 3 of the last 3 years. You just got married. You're having another baby. You work (a lot) and are very concerned with keeping up your house and things. I really don't know how you do it.

In any event, give yourself (and him) a break. Getting marriage involves a big adjustment period. This is not a movie where everything is sorted out by the end of two hours. He may be feeling overwhelmed - he's taken on an entirely new family and commitment and you have a new baby on the way. If this is not exactly what he planned on, maybe that is what's going on with him.

You haven't said what the issues are. If he said some things he now regrets, can you find it in your heart to forgive him? I'm not saying what he said was okay, but what do you gain by continuing to be upset about something he can't take back?

You both may want to take advantage of some marriage counseling. Check smartmarriages.org and aahmi.gov to find programs in your area. It would be really smart to learn some communication techniques now so you both learn how to argue and stay focused on issues without the argument becoming a personal attack. I get the feeling that communication may be an issue for you both (saying what you mean and hearing what the other person is saying).

So, honey, give yourself a break. Enjoy your babies. Enjoy your hubby. Have a happy New Year. Don't kill yourself over cleaning. Enjoy the journey with your hubby. Love him in spite of and not because of.

2007-12-31 00:23:09 · answer #8 · answered by CGordo 4 · 0 0

At this point, all you need to do is have some very honest discussions. Tell him that you feel the same as you always did about him, but you're having some issues & need to talk about it. It sounds like he wants to help out, but he needs a little more input from you about what your needs are while you're pregnant & feeling a little helpless & vulnerable. If you can't show that to him, who can you show it to?

2007-12-31 00:21:06 · answer #9 · answered by DustysMomma 2 · 0 0

try reading any men/women relationships book and you feel that you reading your marriage life more or less.

i think that as long as the relationship does not have extreme things: cheating, domestic violence, psycho behaviours, drugs, addiction .. then, it is normal

i don't say it is not a problem, but the most important, is to look back into your husband and family, with totally different mindset, cool down and start appreciating your relationship

your life sounds too busy and overloaded, so this is normal thing to happen

you might not need counseling, a good book might work.
i like this book
http://www.amazon.com/What-Women-Want-Know-You/dp/0786866950
you will find it talking exactly about you and your husband
read it, evaluate your situation, then think how you can communicate it to your husband or convince him to read it

i tell you, if i read this book 2 years ago, i would have very very different life by now
it is different from other books that it was written by a woman and about the woman. many other books i read before were written by a man, in which it still didn't give me the right clues

2007-12-31 00:09:30 · answer #10 · answered by wow.man 2 · 0 0

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