Mine is a arranged marriage. Joint family and now husband hates me saying that I do not respect hís family?

Question

I have been married for the past 1 year. A typical arranged marriage. But now my husband says he does not like me since I do not respect his family. But I am also from a joint family and respect his family. My mother in law keeps on complaining about my small mistakes to everyone and my husband believes her and has now totally stopped talking to me in such a stage where I am pregnant. I do not understand what kind of respect they expect. I am professionally educated and working in a reputed organisation. I have been bought up freely, independently and take my own decisions. But here I have to give my salary to mother in law, ask her before taking any decision. Now my husband has turned up very stubborn and does not even talk to me....saying that he does not like me and hates me

Answer 1

Get out of that marriage! Your mother in law takes all your money? and the husband hates you?! You need to kick his sorry behind to the kirb and become an independent woman. You use that education and that experience to go to some shelter for women - you start over - you forget what anyone says because these medieval practices have no place in the modern world.

Tell your mother in law that you got a pay cut and secretly keep mney for yourself and save and save and put up with this crap for as long as you can - and you use that saving for a deposit on an apartment. Just because you are a woman does not mean you have to put up with this.

Stop trying to tread on eggshells for your Mother in LAw - you will never please her. It's easy for me to tell someone over the internet to drop there whole life and start over but you will not have a life if this family keeps killing you inside.

You are worth more than this.

Good Luck x

Answer 2

That's a tough situation. I know arranged marriage is tradition in your culture and people will be very mad at you if you divorce him, but I think you should. You just can't stay in a marriage where you will be treated that way. You will be unhappy for the rest of your life. Maybe you could go make a life in a western country where women are seen as equals.

Answer 3

Are you over reacting? If not, may be it is time for you to have a frank discussion with your husband. Tell him how you feel about the current situation. At the same time, promise him that you will love and respect his relatives. Try to look at things from others view point also.

It may also be a good idea to live separately, if possible. Take help of a senior relative.

Answer 4

Oh my god. How dare she takes your salary. I too work for a big organization and u said I too have pretty much same background as urs. Why r u scared and for what? Just stop giving ur money to MIL and take ur own decision. STand once for urself, may be first time u will feel odd, but next time u will be proud of urself.

We r not slave, remember to play politically with them and enjoy ur life. Ask ur husband to move out in due course of time. Parents should live their life. I just dont understand why we keep praising our culture. Its full of ego and selfish people.

I would say, do what ever seems right to you, but do not ever give up ur rights. At worst we can face divorce, fine we don't need bad people around either.

Good luck dear. Be brave

Answer 5

You don't want to raise your child up in that kind of environment you should sit both family together and explain your side of the story and what actions you will that if this is not resolve so when you leave him it would not come up as a big shock or surprise to both families good luck

Answer 6

Sorry. I don't know anything about arranged marriages, but IF you are in AMerica, I would get out. If you work, you keep your money. Tell your husband he hasn't seen disrespect yet. If you are thinking for yourself, GET OUT if it is humanly possible. Your role in life is NOT to be their property. Be your own person! Do the right thing for your child.

Answer 7

Thats all marriage is all about, for a man. Every mother in law is the same. Women is the enemy of the women. I think your husband loves you, but He is under pressure from His mother. He is sandwitched between you and his mother. The best way would be to find independent accomodation. After the son gets married , mothers think, they have lost their son or the wife has stolen her son. The only solution, patience, compromise with the family, win his heart, then try slowly to seperate home. Prayers and meditation could help you a lot. Prayer is the most powerful , but it needs to be with faith in the divine powew. I shall pray for you from this moment every day. yOUR HUSBAND FROM TODAY WILL TALK TO YOU , 100%, YOUR LIFE WILL START CHANGENG. YOUR MOTHER IN LAWS A TTITUDE WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER, KEEP FAITH, PRAYERS WILL WONDERS. GOD BLESS YOU.

Answer 8

hi,
give a discussion round first with ur husband and ask him what more he want from u'r side.then if u reach some where the u both sit with the family and analyse the situation.ask him whether coming baby is precious to him or not.in some cases after baby u'r husband can be inclined to u and ur baby.dnt worry some time men takes time to adjust.if he has transfrable job then its good if u change ur city.

Answer 9

u have to be happy now dear. don't worry abt your inlaws. leave them on their own. concentrate on your baby. This is a common problem in all houses. u r working. that means u r out of home the whole day.So a best way to keep u'rself diverted from these problems. These inlaws always have problems with their daughter in law. No matter what u do for them, never a word of appreciation, love comes from their end. so thinking about them and spoiling our health is not a solution. U please enjoy this period(pregnancy, the baby movement etc). these little happiness won't come again. and u will repend for this later on.
One more thing i would like to suggest, please don't hand over your salary to your mother in law. u have to be financially strong too. tell them, u have to do savings for your baby and u need money. slowly stop giving money. give her some part of it instead of stopping at once.
don't worry. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Answer 10

I could just cry for you. Is there any way you can get out?

I understand that arranged marriages are a cultural thing but I can't see how anyone would think that it's a good thing these days.